My mother ghosted me


Well-Known Member
Long story short, my mother is and always has been useless in all areas. I went to her for help in a pinch and she agreed. As soon as I got there though, she started complaining about really inexpensive stuff she couldn't afford, making it obvious she couldn't actually give the help she agreed to give. I'm guessing maybe she expected to get the moral points for saying yes, then hoped I'd respond to her complaints by letting her off the hook? But I don't play games so I just let her know what day we needed the help and never heard back. (I also know the uselessness of assumptions, I just really have no clear idea what to think.)
It's been two months. I don't want her in my life, we've already been through many versions of trying to make it work. But it seems like a healthy person might actually have an honest discussion? I don't know if I should just let it rest or attempt "healthy" closure? I really have no idea what healthy relationships even look like, I just feel like we're letting it lie in passive aggressive territory.
What would you do??


🔥 A Fire Inside 🔥
SF Supporter
I completely empathize with this. Mine does the same thing. And even when she does actually help, nothing is ever for free. There's always some sort of insult or criticism attached to it.
I guess there's more that one way to handle it.

You could write her a letter explaining your reasons why you're unhappy

You could also just not have contact her

My personal opinion is that it might be better not to formally declare the relationship over, just because it doesn't leave you any room to change your mind


Well-Known Member
No amount of work on your part is going to make her a psychologically healthy person. This is something I am struggling with right now. There is going to be deep unresolved pain, long standing suffering and perhaps harsh words if you attempt closure. Is it worth it to you to open those wounds and to deal with the aftermath? You may need closure but only you know this about yourself. Whatever you decide I wish you well.


SF Supporter
I'm so sorry you can't rely on your mother. I think the others have said it well already, if you can let it lie that may be best. However, if you need to have a discussion with her for peace of mind be prepared it probably won't go how you'd like it to.

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