My sister

My sister has been deeply depressed her whole adult life, she's now 48. It appears by her texts she's getting ready to end her life, putting some affairs in order, etc. She has casually threatened suicide for the last few years. A text from last year "I doubt I'll make it to the end of the year", that sort of thing. We've been very close all our lives and she feels she can talk about anything with me but she gets very angry if I even hint I'm going to call the police. An acquaintance did this a couple years ago and she immediately cut him from her life.

She now lives in a state quite a distance from me. That makes it harder as I haven't seen her in several years. Though even if she did live here, she'd probably refuse to see me, she turned pretty anti social years and years ago. No telephone talk either. Just emails and texts.

We texted quite a bit last night. I told her how much I loved her and wished for a different outcome and such. She said last night "I loathe myself". She's living with an old boyfriend now and I don't think it's the best of relationships.

She's said for years she's one of those few that medication doesn't help. She HAS sought help since she was a college student and tried many drugs but nothing seems to work. Of course I dont' think she's tried every drug out there but she's given up. But I don't know anything much about her medication history but when I mention anything I'm trying, it's always something she's tried in the past.

My other sister and I suffer from depression and anxiety so I know how she feels but while we want to seek help and get better, she gave up years ago thinking anything will help. I can't force her to do anything. All I feel I can do is text her and tell her I love her. I don't know what else I can do. I feel it's inevitable. I don't think I'll feel very guilty if it happens because I really don't know what I can do to help her. What I do know is the grief will be unimaginable. I also have no coworkers or friends or even siblings I feel comfortable sharing this with.


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I'm so sorry you've been put in this position, Sister! I'm sure your sister doesn't mean to put you through hell, but that's clearly what she's doing. It's very hard to know what to do when an adult is chronically suicidal. You can't force them into treatment unless they're imminently about to kill themselves, but they always seems like they're imminently about to kill themselves. They can't live in the hospital full-time. Is this ex-boyfriend of hers any help? Since he lives with her, he might pick up on things you can't through texts and e-mails.

This probably won't convince your sister to keep trying medications, but after 25 years of failed med trials my doctor finally found something new that worked for me. I feel good for the first time in my life, when a year ago I had given up on meds and was begging for ECT. There is always hope that a new medication or technology will help people with treatment-resistant depression.

I wish I could do more for you than offer you the friendship and fellowship of SF, but maybe just having a listening ear will help.
Sorry to hear that both your sister, and you, are going through this

I suppose that you could suggest that she join this forum

There's more to treating depression than just meds and therapy. The links in my signature have some more information

You're an awesome sister to care for your sister so much. I wish everyone had siblings as caring as you
I'm so sorry to hear about your sister but am glad that you found SF as you'll find many here who can offer advice and support so please keep on posting.


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I feel like I might be in the same situation. Sister - similar age - similar issues. She's just waiting for her son to get a little older before she does herself in. He's 16. I worry a little more each birthday. I'm sorry to hear that.. I do feel for you.

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