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nasty parents, nasty myself?

Davemeister

Well-Known Member
#1
Hey guys,

I grew up in a broken home. Basically, we (mum and I) moved all around Australia throughout my formative years to "get away" from my stepdad because of the domestic disputes and so on. He would smash things in the house during his temper tantrums - something I have done while struggling to cope with anger issues myself. He can be downright arrogant, as I can be when I'm in a certain state of mind. And he's generally inconsiderate of others thoughts and feelings - also something I'm capable of; although, he's only my stepdad, and have never got along, he's still been an influential father figure in my life, despite the distancing, and complete rejection (and my utter rejection of his views, and ideals as well). I'm afraid that I've become someone I've despised all my life. Yes, he's violent on occasion, and yes I've been violent towards others, as well as myself. I suppose I'm just concerned that while I'm generally considered a positive person with some great attributes and a good natured personality, that my coping mechanisms concerning anger management, and the frustration which comes from that, etc, I'm basically just like he is. It's quite troubling. On a side note, I'm not sure whether this means my parents have "won" me over to their way of thinking, or whether I've just been forced to become violent myself in order to deal with their abusive/controlling behaviours toward me. As I mentioned, this isn't my natural state, it's just my reaction to a perceived/real situation where I feel threatened personally.
 

Butterfly

Sim Addict
Safety & Support
SF Author
SF Supporter
#2
Sometimes people who are abused, go on to abuse. It happens quite often. I really think you would benefit from some form of anger management of therapy to help you through your problems as I know that this isn't the only thing going on for you. Keep talking to us here *hug
 

FlamingoWrangler

Well-Known Member
#3
Hi @Jedizen
Sounds like you know you need to learn good coping mechanisms.
I Went to anger management years ago. The therapist told me to “expore my anger”. I didnt learn much. i broke a lot of doors. i mostly learned that doors are expensive to replace.
I still struggle a times.
i hope you get some new tools that work for you. It sounds important to you so make it happen!
 

JDot

J to the Dizzle O to the Tizzle
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#5
There's a saying "Hurt people hurt people." The good thing is you seem to be honest about your anger and open to explore it. Maybe you'd get a lot from anger management. I wish you the best. And remember we're here for you.
 

Davemeister

Well-Known Member
#6
Thankyou all so much for your kind and supportive replies - it means a lot to me. I've been meaning to get in touch with my past counsellor for further treatment but somehow keep forgetting to actually call. It's Saturday today so it looks like I'll need to wait until Monday or early next week to be able to reach her.

*grouphug

Dave
 

Peppers

Well-Known Member
#8
Thankyou all so much for your kind and supportive replies - it means a lot to me. I've been meaning to get in touch with my past counsellor for further treatment but somehow keep forgetting to actually call. It's Saturday today so it looks like I'll need to wait until Monday or early next week to be able to reach her.

*grouphug

Dave
Hello there Dave,
Sorry to hear what happened regards your step father.
My father was a very aggressive person too and I am upset with the echoes of his anger when I get angry too.

I did some brief anger management therapy during a two year schema therapy, amd one day literally had lunch after my therapy then went to see K for anger management therapy.
Very tired afterwards but there were some insights I found helpful.
One thing K told me was that anger is linked to sex, I can’t recall specifics now as this was years ago.


May I suggest something?

Take a few notes of what you are aware of maybe start with similarities from your step father, then pick matbe some trauts of his you notice in yourself?
My therapy dr suggested this to me and although it felt stupid as an idea it helped me through with some repetition of the task, and I found new questions to ask myself as the sessions went on both with K (8 weeks) and the dr I saw over two years.

This can be very painful when certain memories arise so please go gentle on yourself. If you feel having your therapy dr will be best before starting this type of exercise then please do that.
Wishing you all the best with this hard but courageous journey.

Falling17 :)
 

Peppers

Well-Known Member
#9
Good luck with the call! It's about learning not to react. Doesn't give you the same personality, just learned behaviour...
*hug
Hello Innocent Forever,
I would slightly disagree, in that reactions may not need removing. Just modifying. Though it’s easier said than done in lots of people’s experiences, mine included.

Interested in your views on the anger subject, if you want to, please share?

Pleased to *meet* you, :)

Falling17
 

Davemeister

Well-Known Member
#10
Hey Innocent Forever, and Falling,

I appreciate your replies. Means a lot to me. I have somehow managed to make it through the entire week without contacting my past counselor. It's Saturday today (Hey-Hey!!). Once again, I have to hold out until Monday, at the earliest to try establishing contact with her.
I'm going to get past this - thanks again to all of you who've responded to my OP (((grouphug)))

Dave
 

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