need some advise please!

[Vanzelouiz]

I don't know if if i made the right decision regarding antidepressants.
Bit of my background.
It have being a 2.5 long hard years for me.
2.5 years ago i lost my brother to suicide and that throw me into a deep hole of deep depression and anxiety,with panic attacks, my doctor diagnosed me with GAD and put me on antidepressants (proxetine) and they helped me cope.They din't took my pain away but at least my anxiety was better and after some time i could smile again be social and energetic.
Also i had a increase of self of confidence ,back then those pills saved my life and sanity and i remember saying to my self "i love those pills"
One year later i though was time to quit them and try face my grief on my own terms.
It was hard.Some of the grief come back and my old friend anxiety as well, but i was determined to stay away from them.
I had some counseling and started volunteering work and i get hooked on xanax to cope.
Wasn't easy but after 8 months off them i could see some improvement, my old self had started rising slowly slowly and the xanax intake went to minimum.So i thought i'm doing fine and i was looking forward to go back to my country and see my family end friends and enjoy the sun an the sea and that the holidays will put me back to absolute normal.
I was wrong.
The day i put my feet on my homeland (August 2017) i found out my father has cancer,and that my granny was dying.
The news devastated me.I wasn't ready for another battle with depression and immediately i though to go back to my antidepressants,and so i went to my doctor for advise.
He said stik with xanax and only if you feel very bad start paroxetine.
So i tried my best to keep it up. Occupying my self with distractions,i connected with old friends and found a hobby i went for daily walks and some how felt better,definitely not depressed but surely very stressed concerning my fathers health.
New year come fast forward stress started taking a tol on me.I stared smoking again,i hospitalized with high fever of unknown origins,i developed vertigo my menstrual cycle went haywire,blood in the stool,and more.20 days ago the stress was so much to handle i would stay in bed googling my symptoms while chain smoking and taking xanax like candy.I went to the doctors i did colonoscopy all fine (just some piles) but even the good results gave me no relive,i lost my appetite lost kilos and become even more focused on my boldly factions.Every little symptom freaks me out.I think i have developed health anxiety.
So i thought to give a go to my antidepressants. i'm on day 12 on paxil and i'm going through the nasty side effects.
But i can't stop worrying! Did i do the right decision? do i really want those pills? I'm not depressed i'm just over anxious,and i can't cope with stress.
I'm freaking out thinking that those meds can fuck my brain up,that ill develop mania on them or something.
My hope is that they will work and that ill be able to quit smoking and xanax again and some peace of mind.
Please help me, advise me and share your thoughts,i'm struggling.

 

[Rockclimbinggirl]

Hmm I wonder if the side effects are making you feel worst at the moment? What about telling your doctor about your concerns?

 

[may71]

Sorry to hear this

Have any of your symptoms cleared up (blood in your stool, loss of appetite)?

What symptoms are you still having?

 

[Vanzelouiz]

Sorry to hear this

Have any of your symptoms cleared up (blood in your stool, loss of appetite)?

What symptoms are you still having?

Oh thanks for your reply.
yes they cleared up,my appetite is little bit better but far from waht once was,and no blood in the stool.
I have being checked and all seem to faction right.
Those symptoms wasn't from my antidepressants but was the reason to start taking them cos they caused me severe health anxiety.I would absoloutely freak out when seeing blood in stool and i would had panic atacks and such.
No i'm on day 12 of paxil and i'm bit space out sweating and wondering if i made the right decision to take them.
Will they help me? are they good for health anxiety?

 

[Vanzelouiz]

Hmm I wonder if the side effects are making you feel worst at the moment? What about telling your doctor about your concerns?

thank you for your reply.
Last time i saw my doctor we talked about antidepressants,he thought back then that i'm coping and i should just take some xanax as needed,and make some life changes to improve my life overall.He prescribed paxil tho just in case, and told me to take them only if i start feeling bad.
well health anxiety is bad right? and hopefully they gonna help me with quit smoking and xanax eventually,i just freaking out some times that i take antidepressants for no good reason,

 

[may71]

Xanax can be quite addictive. I'm not sure if you doctor talked to you about that.

Some dietary changes might help you. I'd recommend not eating anything raw, or eating or drinking anything cold.

There are some more dietary recommendations that I could make if you are interested.

The acupressure self-massage in my signature might help.

Lowering your stress, or learning to manage it better could help. A meditation practice is a good way to manage stress.

Getting traditional Chinese herbal medicine and acupuncture would be good, but it seems like you are having some financial difficulties, so you may not be able to afford that.

If you are able to see a traditional Chinese herbalist at least once, they may be able to recommend a patent remedy (a pre-made herbal formula, usually in pill form).

If you can't see an herbalist, you can still buy patent remedies online. I might be able to recommend one to you. It wouldn't be an ideal situation to do it that way, but it still could be better than nothing. If you are interested in trying a patent remedy, you should talk to your doctor first to see if he thinks it would be ok.