New and need HELP!

[Puck]

As the screen name shows..

i'm Puck..


i'm not sure how turning to words on a screen typed by those i can't see can help.. but i need to turn.. somewhere. T.T

I'm not suicidal but am (if that makes sense).

I don't want to end things but i also can't go forward.. I trully feel.. helpless (in every sense of the word).

i DO know this..
I'm a 28 year old father of 3, ex-drug addict, dealing with more pain than i could ever wish on somebody else, haven't slept in 7 days, haven't eaten in 4, have resorted to cutting (to the EXTREME) with no desire to stop, break down over the dumbest of things, have no forseable future or experience to fall back on, scream for help (and fail to recieve any of any signifigance), have nowhere to turn, i want to die but i'm to stubborn to let myself take the easy way out (this time) and trully don't know what to do. I know i look like i went sprinting naked through thin hallway lined with razorwire and i have to hide it from my children (only 1 of which lives with me). i'm seeing a therepist but what do you do when they run out of ideas and break down into tears upon realizing they have done nothing but make things worse (seriously). I also know i can't trust 1800suicide. they don't listen. All they do is scare everybody by sending police and ambulances to your house. This forum is a last ditch effort.. if i can't find help here.. .. .. i give up.

On the note of cutting.. how can i combat blood loss? i find myself woozy all the time and having to wear multiple layers to hide the blood that seeps through. i drink orange juice (like they give you at the blood bank) and it doesn't help. i'm good at stitching and emergency field medical applications so the wounds are treated.. but i still have resposibilities and this wooziness is making them hard to fullfill. i also know that if i stop cutting.. .. well.. you know. its the only thing that works. The only thing that dulls the internal pain, fear, frustration, depression, hopelessness, numbness and all the other things i don't feel like typing out right now.

I..
..
..
just need help.


Please..

..help me

 

[WildCherry]

First of all, welcome to SF.

I just want to put the offer out there that if you ever need someone to talk to, you can PM me anytime. What's brought you to this point? What's making you feel so helpless?

Try to keep reaching out, you're being heard.

 

[jimk]

hi Puck.. a warm welcome to you now.. without sleep for 7 days you need to go to ER or call a doc and gert some help rite now to get some sleep.. please try to get that done very soon..

1-800-273-TALK is another crisis line to call if need is imperative.. yes puck you say i am going to kill myself now this one will also end up with police and ambulance and attendants at front door also... you need to get out of this extreme criis situation in order to avoid that first.. you might look at the self harm forum on here and see if the words and thoughts there help a bit??? also other forums such as depression might help some.. also our chatrooms might be good.. at least as long as you are typing you are not cutting yourself..

Puck understand your first words in your post very well.. you really do not want to totally end your life but you want oh so very much for it just to be better and livealbe for yourself.. i am an optimist... sorrty bout that. but i think everyone has real value and ability to change enuf to make things some better.. if your current therapist and you have reached a dead end (do not like those two words very much) then perhaps is time to try someone else.. also a pychiatrist to get some meds that might possibly change things some..

look around this website some now.. let us know you got any questions about this place.. best wishes and take care, Jim

 

[Puck]

i thank both of you for responding. i wrote down the numbers. and as for whats brought me to this point.. i'm willing to talk about it. i just feel as though i should create a thread in another part of the forum. i'm just not sure if i fall into the "cutter" category or the "suicide" category.

 

[WildCherry]

You can create the thread in either forum, whichever one you feel fits your situation more. But it doesn't really matter which forum it's in; people will still see your post.

 

[Puck]

It will take a bit to post. i think the whole category thing for me is due to my other forum experiences. it just feels better to have it in the right place.