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New school, no friends

Erza-san

Active Member
#1
I'm a transfer student at a major public university. I know no one. I live in an apartment. My roommates aren't very sociable. I went to the "welcome" event for transfer students. I didn't feel very welcomed by the other students. I asked for 2 people's numbers and got them, but they haven't texted me back. They found me interesting for about 5 minutes and then ignored me.

I'm joining a club. I went to their "welcome" event, but, again, didn't feel very welcomed. One of the leaders of the group offered to help me learn how to lead an activity later on this semester, I will give them that. I tried to talk to more people, but nothing really stuck.

Today, I went to class. I only have one class today. I asked someone how to get on the WiFi, and she tried to help, but I when I tried to talk about other things, to expand the scope of the interaction, she didn't really respond. Then, after class, I went to lunch. Everyone seemed to know each other already. People were all chatting away, like they'd been best friends since birth. I saw someone from the transfer "welcome" event, but he was sitting with people he already knew from the college he transferred from and basically ignored me. I tried to be my usual funny self, but it was hard. He didn't introduce me to anyone he was talking to.

Then, I went out to the courtyard. It's a no-smoking campus, so it's not like I could bum a cig and start a conversation. Some people were hanging out in groups, tight, close groups, not conducive to joining spontaneously. Many were alone, but they were all on laptops or wearing headphones, universal signs for "stay away, I'm busy."

There was someone canvassing for Bernie on campus. "Easy target," I thought. So I went up to him and he talked to me about Medicare for All. I tried to change the subject to something more personal, but he just ignored that and telling me to check out their website or something. At least I actually talked to someone, even if all they wanted was my information for a survey.

I was thinking to myself "this generation is so isolated," but the truth is, it's me that's isolated. It's not like I didn't seem open. Despite my negative thoughts, I managed to keep a neutral expression. I didn't have my headphones in. I wasn't looking at my phone. I would've gone up to someone and introduced myself if anyone had seemed open to that. There have to be more people on this damn campus who feel the way I do, but if you just go up to someone and start a conversation, people label you as "creepy" and "annoying." I'm already a friendless loser, I don't want to be a creepy, annoying friendless loser.

I feel so invisible. I wish there were a community on here of people who go to my college so I could find some more loners and we could all get together. I'm so alone. I've done everything people say will get you friends. I'm joining a club. I'm keeping an open posture when I walk around. I'm doing everything right, but still people just don't connect with me. It sucks. It's not fair.

I want to kill myself as a cautionary tale to my generation as to what happens when you leave someone out, over and over again. Maybe next time they'll think before they brush someone off. Then the loner could have the chance to prove that they're worthy of befriending. At least they'd have their foot in the door. At least maybe someone would give them a chance. Maybe my university would start some sort of program to help people like me, so no one would ever have to go through this again. Maybe it would be for the greater good.

Also, no one ever wishes to talk to me. No one ever has a burning desire to contact me. Maybe after I'm gone everyone will wish they'd had a chance to get to know me, to see what I was about.
 

Sad Elf

Well-Known Member
#2
Hi

It sounds like you have been really proactive in trying to meet new people and make friends. I wonder if it's just early days and the hard work you have done now will start to pay off over the coming days ?

What are you interested in ? Maybe you could start a 'club' this would guarantee u meet like minded people and help others who may be str juggling to make friends ? (Just a thought)

Hope things get better over the next couple a days

SadElf
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
I'm sorry you're feeling like this. It sounds like you're doing the right things to try to meet people. The school year is just starting, so I'm sure you'll have plenty more opportunities to get to know people. Try not to take it so personally. Sometimes people are stuck in their own head, or oblivious to the people around them. It doesn't mean they have anything against you specifically. I'm sure you'll find some friends soon enough. *hug
 
#4
hi I'm sorry this is happening to you :( but to me you mostly sound as someone who is being friendly enough. Sometimes everyone is just...not in friendly mood.
But i think you're being really brave and you should be proud of that.
I don't think people dislike you" or want to cast you aside. When you feel lonely everyone might look so full of themselves, huddling together, but it's just because it is so much easier to be with people that you know already than to start new friendships. If you're comfortable already, and aren't in the need for more, why bother?
You aren't the problem.
I know damn well it's though to go to a school where you have nobody, but I think that never giving up is the key. "I talked to a group of people, it didn't work, I wasn't welcome enough, they didn't contact me again. Well maybe they are mean, but it's not me. I'll go and find some better people to be around"
Sometimes you end up being close to people you had in your blacklist, or that you weren't interested in at first....
Just don't give up :$ and if you have friends outside school, keep talking to them. It makes things ...easier.

And about killing yourself to make a change and all of that, I don't think that would make any difference. People that commit suicide have been through though times, some of them regarding bullying and isolation, and it STILL happens.
Dying will only keep you from experiencing everything forever, but people will still struggle with this kind of stuff :$
i think you are much worthy than any hypothetic policy, and that you deserve to live for yourself, not for other people.
i hope things get better. Hugs.
 
#6
@Erza-san I can't quote to reply for some reason haha.
I know you'll find someone to have fun with. Sometimes it just takes some time ahhh
How long has it been since you were transfered?
 

Callousgirl

Semper Occultus
#7
@Erza-san

Growing up in a university town and going to a university was a interesting part of my college years, and currently living in a university town today -- have noticed that students are more interacting less with each other. For years now, the local communities are less willing to engage with the students, and social groups, and others have written off college students off. Authors have written off universities with book tours as they do not want to deal with being protested. Students do not interact with each other, unless they are in the same program.

You could join Greek life, but, that has become more unpopular during the years. There is the Tri Delta, of the Delta Delta Delta, were it is the large sisterhood. There is nothing worse than a drunk woman, so you can be with a number of women and have to deal with drunk women on the weekend.

You could join a group and do some activities to support your sports teams, like your football team. On the other hand, I always wanted my football team to lose every single game. I did not want my football team to win the Big Ten Championship, because the university would jack up the tuition cost for the next year. If my football team loses, well, they really cannot jack up the tuition costs. Thought of a t-shirt saying "I love my football team because I love student debt"

There are a number of social groups you can join, but social groups do not interact well with other social groups. Since outside social groups and people are less willing to engage students because they do not want to be protested. Your going to find out that students are protesting students within their own campus.

In a lot of ways, I wish I was a college student during the 1960's, as that was interesting times. With my generation, get your degree and get the hell out of Dodge. It is not you, it is that college life is more or less your on your own
 

Callousgirl

Semper Occultus
#9
What do you mean "protested?"
Started with the comedians with brand names started to stay away from bookings with colleges and universities. With a small subgroup of the universities, they were protested by the students because of the jokes being made. Even after the event was over, the students used social media to protest the jokes and used it to undermine the comedians. Well, the comedians with the brand names, have decided to boycott colleges and universities because they do not want to have their name and career undermined with social media postings.

College students have now gone after visiting guest speakers, regardless of the persons political viewpoints or subjects the person teaches. If they have written a book, they will be attacking statements made in the book: regardless of the persons viewpoint. They go onto social media, they will use social media, and they will use social media to shame the person. They have decided to use social media to troll the person, not for a few days, but troll the person for the rest of their college years.

Right now, if you come to a university to be a speaker, your going to get attacked on social media. So, why does anyone want to be trolled?
 

Callousgirl

Semper Occultus
#11
If you're not being bigoted, you won't get trolled. My pain is NOT about "PC culture." Just because people demand decency from each other nowadays doesn't make it a bad thing. Do NOT blame my loneliness on that.
All people overtime will be bigoted, racist, evil, and other vices overtime. If that is what any group is looking for, when they are vetting someone. It is just that my generation, and your generation, and the next generation are raised to do, and more so with college students. College life has become more lonely for students. What is socially acceptable, and socially the common norm, and socially rewarded behavior within one community -- can be horribly unacceptable behavior in a community fifty miles from each other communities. It can be even closer than that, when two homes are a mile apart but in two different states, or two different cities, or two different counties.

The era of differences of college students was instate students, out of state students, and foreign students -- and mix together and enrich each other with the diversity they have as students. College students today, have become subgroups of subgroups that only last a year, a political election cycle, forum to interact with a marketing campaign like a summer movie and die out after the marketing campaign comes to a end, and other social fads. This has left students more alone than ever before. College has become a very alone place to be, because everyone is super critical about behavior.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#12
@Callousgirl I'm not sure that it's helpful to get into some broader philosophical debate about 'kids today'. Erza is lonely just like many of us are at many ages.

@Erza-san I hope this week is treating you a little better. *hug
 

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