I am also struggling with thoughts of ending my life. I am backed into a corner at work and home. I can empathize with your feelings of things getting worse, but people obviously love and care about you. Like you, I need to find a way to climb out of the rabbit hole. Many people have suggested volunteering, a hobby, and accomplishing small goals. Helping people seems to be the key. Getting out of your own head. Doing things like that are incredibly difficult when you are feeling this way. I know so well. I don't want to tell my story here, I just wanted you o know that someone else feels this way too. You are not alone. keep fighting and try some of the excellent suggestions some very wise and caring people have posted here for you. If you would like to message me directly, please feel free!