Right now I'm trying to create that future, the future I want, but it's so complicated, I am not suitable for the "Job" of having the llife I want. I don't know how to explain better than this "Not good enough". My situation, the life I want and need, depends on things I can't control or I don't know how to do it better. I never liked the "grades" in school but right now I'd do anything to get some feedback about one situation when the ones "in charge" could tell me "you are mastering this, you can change that, improve this other thing doing this, the part is good...". But I don't have it and I can only fear the fragility of everything, not knowing if I will ever have a chance / another chance / whatever or if last times are last ones. I can't explain it better. But tonight is one of that full of fears and I am delaying the moment of going to the corridor floor to cry (I don't know why there but I've started to do it two years ago, in the REALLY bad nights and everything is telling me that this is one of them. This is why I'm here typing this, I'm trying to delay the inevitable)
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Not good enough
- Thread starter Jolene
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Youre still 100% focused on the future. No one can control the future but you can control the present by forgetting thoughts of the imaginary future in your head which only fill your whole mind with fear (which is only anticipated pain) . If you could only just realize that its your own thoughts which are creating this fear, you can choose to let them go instead of clinging on to them as if for dear life. You don't need them and living in the nightmare of an imaginary future or the nightmare of a past which no longer exists, is not living in reality, the here and now.
A single step in the right direction could turn out to be the biggest step you ever took, you know. Please take that step tonight without further delay Jolene. It's time to break free. You can force your mind to stay in the peace of the present, and keep forcing it every time you catch it straying into the default mode of the nightmare it has created for you. Your own mind is yours to command, so please take charge, not at some point in the indefinite future, but right now.
A single step in the right direction could turn out to be the biggest step you ever took, you know. Please take that step tonight without further delay Jolene. It's time to break free. You can force your mind to stay in the peace of the present, and keep forcing it every time you catch it straying into the default mode of the nightmare it has created for you. Your own mind is yours to command, so please take charge, not at some point in the indefinite future, but right now.
I have been on a number of them and when I was sectioned they put me on a ridiculous amount to a point it took me 9
Months to detox so from experience I would like to say they do help if you read a book called depression the curse of the strong it tells you the medical science behind them
In a easy to understand way. Depression and deep low is brought on my lack
Of seratonin the natural medicine our body’s produce to give us a balance and stability in our mood. Once you feel depressed and low sadly your body doesn’t produce enough to give you that stable state of mind so what these do is give you an injection of seratonin to you brain to help
You get balanced. Sadly this is not a miricle
Cute and one day wake up really happy but what it does do is give your brain what it needs to function . It’s like drinking water when your dehydrated . It give it a chance to heal and to balance you . You do however need to be aware you need to adopt more than just drugs . You need to work through exactly what it was that brought you to this point and how you can learn to make
Your self happy and pump
That stuff back up
Into your brain naturallyxxxx
Months to detox so from experience I would like to say they do help if you read a book called depression the curse of the strong it tells you the medical science behind them
In a easy to understand way. Depression and deep low is brought on my lack
Of seratonin the natural medicine our body’s produce to give us a balance and stability in our mood. Once you feel depressed and low sadly your body doesn’t produce enough to give you that stable state of mind so what these do is give you an injection of seratonin to you brain to help
You get balanced. Sadly this is not a miricle
Cute and one day wake up really happy but what it does do is give your brain what it needs to function . It’s like drinking water when your dehydrated . It give it a chance to heal and to balance you . You do however need to be aware you need to adopt more than just drugs . You need to work through exactly what it was that brought you to this point and how you can learn to make
Your self happy and pump
That stuff back up
Into your brain naturallyxxxx
Jolene, I hope you are alright tonight and not crying on your own. Again, it's your own mind that's creating the hell you're in, which is a living death. For some reason you have convinced yourself you're unworthy, not good enough, and interpret life through this distorting lens. You want to believe this is reality, but its not reality because the painful past and fearful future are creations of your memory and imagination, refracted through the belief you don't deserve better because you are innately flawed.
You need to grab and uproot the seed thought that you are unworthy of love and happiness, and throw it out of you mind and life forever, along with all the other thoughts connected with it, roots, stem and branches. You are good enough, only your thoughts are stopping you from knowing it.
You need to grab and uproot the seed thought that you are unworthy of love and happiness, and throw it out of you mind and life forever, along with all the other thoughts connected with it, roots, stem and branches. You are good enough, only your thoughts are stopping you from knowing it.
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I was trying to do it naturally but... Things are complicated. And my therapist is really focused on finding the point when my insecurities were born and she told me that, even if I decide to take meds, I couldn't take them befor the EMDR sessions. The problem is that I can't go back enough in time, I am too centered in the present and recent past. And while we can't find why am I like that, we can't find a cure
I should have been crying, I have reasons to, but I try to read another things in order to not to think about what I am afraid it's happening right now. But I should be crying, I am too afraid...
I hope you're right and it was all on my mind but it's complicated. I need certain things, I need them a lot and I feel "menaced" for everything in order to get what would make me happy. These fears keep getting bigger and rational thoughts are not enough anymore. It's something that have been happening to me since a year ago or so. My therapist says that are my rational and emotional brain "fighting". I don't know. I just need proofs that what I fear the most doesn't happen, I need constant validation (which I can't get) and in general, each day I need certain things more and more, nothing is enough, no "dose" can make me feel calm for more than a few hours or less. I'm not talking about drugs or something like that, no, but the "effects" are the same. I became addicted to "security" but the risks are there, anything can happen, my fears, the sense of everything being a menace to my aims... This is destroying me. My therapist says that I can't even enjoy the things that are enjoyable or, at least, not as bad. She doesn't understand why I'm suffering so much. But I am. And at this exact moment I am afraid of what may be happening and nothing will calm me down... And if my fears happen, from now on I will be MUCH worse. I don't know even imagine how bad can I be. But I guess I won't have to, I'll live it.
I hope you're right and it was all on my mind but it's complicated. I need certain things, I need them a lot and I feel "menaced" for everything in order to get what would make me happy. These fears keep getting bigger and rational thoughts are not enough anymore. It's something that have been happening to me since a year ago or so. My therapist says that are my rational and emotional brain "fighting". I don't know. I just need proofs that what I fear the most doesn't happen, I need constant validation (which I can't get) and in general, each day I need certain things more and more, nothing is enough, no "dose" can make me feel calm for more than a few hours or less. I'm not talking about drugs or something like that, no, but the "effects" are the same. I became addicted to "security" but the risks are there, anything can happen, my fears, the sense of everything being a menace to my aims... This is destroying me. My therapist says that I can't even enjoy the things that are enjoyable or, at least, not as bad. She doesn't understand why I'm suffering so much. But I am. And at this exact moment I am afraid of what may be happening and nothing will calm me down... And if my fears happen, from now on I will be MUCH worse. I don't know even imagine how bad can I be. But I guess I won't have to, I'll live it.
Hi Jolene, I understand how you feel. I became very depressed after my divorce and it's still a daily struggle. Your concern about taking meds is valid. I felt the same way but finally decided to try it and took a very low dose SSRI for just a couple years. Like @Lara_C and others have said, it does help, and you can eventually (gradually) stop. For me meds weren't a permanent solution. Like @Mymindsmine said I had to work through my pain. What really helped me was a combination of things:
1. Journaling my feelings without judgement. I didn't think about what I wrote I just wrote whatever came to my mind. At first I didn't re-read what I wrote because that only made me feel bad and that was not the point. The point was get it out and on paper instead of keeping inside where it would replay non-stop in my mind like torture.
2. Meditation. This took time to learn. I read about it and began with guided meditations, and after a few weeks it became easier and easier. Meditating helps quiet the mind and stop the criticism that we often assail ourselves with. Insight Timer is a phone app that's free and easy to use if you'd like to try.
3. Reading books about compassion. The best one I've read so far is simply called, "Self Compassion" by Dr. Kristen Neff. It's easy to read and she gently builds ideas and examples on top of more ideas and examples to help us learn to be more patient and kind with ourselves.
Please know that you're not alone Jolene. Everyone struggles with not feeling good enough. People care about you and love you. I hope you'll try some of the strategies that your SF friends have suggested. Remember if something doesn't work for you, you're not obligated to it, stop and try something new. I'm here if you ever want to talk.
1. Journaling my feelings without judgement. I didn't think about what I wrote I just wrote whatever came to my mind. At first I didn't re-read what I wrote because that only made me feel bad and that was not the point. The point was get it out and on paper instead of keeping inside where it would replay non-stop in my mind like torture.
2. Meditation. This took time to learn. I read about it and began with guided meditations, and after a few weeks it became easier and easier. Meditating helps quiet the mind and stop the criticism that we often assail ourselves with. Insight Timer is a phone app that's free and easy to use if you'd like to try.
3. Reading books about compassion. The best one I've read so far is simply called, "Self Compassion" by Dr. Kristen Neff. It's easy to read and she gently builds ideas and examples on top of more ideas and examples to help us learn to be more patient and kind with ourselves.
Please know that you're not alone Jolene. Everyone struggles with not feeling good enough. People care about you and love you. I hope you'll try some of the strategies that your SF friends have suggested. Remember if something doesn't work for you, you're not obligated to it, stop and try something new. I'm here if you ever want to talk.
Thank you a lot for your words and support, for real.
Your techniques are good but it wouldn't work for me because points 1 and 2 make me feel more aware of my pain (journaling hurts, I try sometimes and it's worst, but this is a lifetime thing because I used to do it when I was a teen, until I was 21, and each time something bad happened, I got anxious about having to write it down, it made me feel worse, I don't know how to explain). I did meditation (and yoga) at some points of my life. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. Because again, it made me more self aware. If I wasn't at my worst, it helped, but now with the depression, meditating makes me be alone with my thoughts and that's worst.
About reading, I read another kind of books and that does help if I'm not very bad. It helps me to think about other things for a while. Not always, but sometimes. It's something.
And again, thank you. I try to find the ways to feel better but I am 100% dependant on my external circumstances and I don't kow what to do, if I should fight for what I want and need or just surrender because I'll never get it. It's complicated.
Thank you so much...
My therapist isn't the problem. She doesn't understand why I am suffering so much NOW. Before, yes, but my situation changed and the new one isn't as painful appaently, but for me it is. She says that I am suffering for things that I should be enjoying. She may be right but my need of validation and the complicated situation itself (not depending on me 100%) brings up all my insecurities. And you know how fragile I were already so...
My therapist isn't the problem. She doesn't understand why I am suffering so much NOW. Before, yes, but my situation changed and the new one isn't as painful appaently, but for me it is. She says that I am suffering for things that I should be enjoying. She may be right but my need of validation and the complicated situation itself (not depending on me 100%) brings up all my insecurities. And you know how fragile I were already so...
My therapist uses EMDR by "touch" (at first she thought about trying the eye movement but she decided that I wouldn't focus enough. She's right). But I'm stuck in the present and recent past. She is convinced that my problems started in my early childhood, I think it was during my teen years, but in any case, I can't go back to then, I am too centered in the present and last five or six years. I don't know how to go back more...
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