not sure of what to do...

I feel so lonely... no one seems to care about it, I feel like dying so often, I really want help.
I feel like there's no reason for me to be anymore, and I'm just tired of keeping going by myself for myself, it's been 4 years I'm doing it and I feel so suicidal at times, I don't even know what to do with my own life... I just want a true reason to live and keep going, because there don't seem to be any...
I'm very tired of screwing up things, I don't seem to make a good thing for anybody, I'm the lazy at work, the stupid at my Master's class, the asshole whenever I try to make contact with people, besides I don't like the place where I am, the people I try to be friendly with or anything... I just want to get through this and go away from this place...
it's not my first time hopeless, I know suicide isn't the way to go through but sometimes it seems like there's nowhere to "go through", I want to find a true reason for keeping me up and overcoming the difficulties...

 

Hi mew123
Im new here too and very new to depression. Am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. Maybe you are being quite hard on yourself. You say that you are the stupid at your Masters class but most people would not have the ability to do a Masters at all. Im also thinking that if you're doing a masters then it will open up big opportunities for a better future. Like me, your thinking sounds pretty negative at the moment. But it may not be that realistic. I think depression really distorts how we see the wrold and our place in it. I just had an article published in a law journal which in the past would have filled me with happines and I wouold have gone out to celebrate. But it has left me unmoved. In fact, it has left me somehow even more depressed! I think you need to be kinder to yourself, less hard on yourself, recognise the things that you have achieved, and dont beat yourself up about the things that have not worked out so well. Im pretty sure that there will be somewher positive for you go and build a happier life. And I hope the same will be true for me.

 

Hi bobbob, I'm going to think about it now... it's just so difficult to consider anything else at the moment... thank you very much for answering, hope you can get through your bad thoughts as well, it's nice to hear other's thoughts because they seem a lot clearer...

 

Hi mew123
Thanks for the reply and of course the post like thing. I know what you mean about it sometimes being hard to think clearly. Some of what has happened to me this year is the result of being exhausted and making muddled and poor decisions. May be would help if you can take time to think about what you want and how you can achieve it and talk it tthrough with others you trust. In retrospect,I should have listened more to what my ex-wife said! And thanks for your kind thoughts.
cheers and best wsihes

 

Hi mew123, I can relate to your feeling lonely and it's not a pleasant feeling. I retired 2yrs ago and found myself feeling like that too, along with anxiety and depression after losing my Mom last year. The best remedy I found for this was helping others in need. I help at the local pet food store in town, they bring the animals that are up for adoption at the humane Center there every Saturday. Also, when I found this site I found I could help encourage people who were suffering too. I know it's difficult to get motivated when you feel down, but it really does help you get out of yourself and your problems and gives you a feeling of purpose. Maybe this is something you could consider. I'm sure you have a lot you could offer to the world and I hope you feel better. Don't give up on yourself, when you help others you help yourself. Take care my friend and hang in there, it will get better and these feelings will pass.
Brian

 

thank you guys for the kind responses, it's very good to feel in company even if online...

 

Hi there, and welcome to the forum @mew123

I am sorry to hear you feel so low about yourself, but as it has already been said you are being very hard on yourself, and I don't think you have a reason to. A depressed brain basically lies to you. It only sees the negative things and blows the smallest things out of proportion. Try to remember that; and give yourself a chance.

Have you considered talking to a counselor about your issues? Have you had any help with your depression and self-worth? If not I think it would be a good move for you; just to get you back on track without you hurting yourself.

And what about every night writing down 3 good things you did or that happened to you today? It will help you highlight the positives.

 

Well we're glad to have you, you'll find the people here are very caring and supportive. So you never have to be alone anymore.

 

Hi there @ThePhantomLady , thanks for replying, it's much appreciated,
I do consider going to a counselor now that you suggested, I'm not very much the kind of person who goes to those things but it seems better than just letting time pass by and being hopeless... as to writing 3 good things I did or happened every night, seems like a nice thing to do as well.
Again, thank you very much for replying