To folk reading this thread who are struggling.
I got so down two years ago, when got ill with crazy brain screwing blood clotting disorder, that I never thought things could ever get better and thought that life would from then on (metaphorically speaking) be one long dark tunnel with rats scurrying around and damp dripping from the ceiling.
But things did get better (albeit not the illness itself) and now no longer in dark tunnel; just out on grey day with occasional breaks in the clouds and brief bursts of sunshine that makes realise that there is hope after all.
So please remember that feeling hopeless does not mean that things are hopeless. Does mean that need to be kind to self and reach out for help if need to.
and we are here