one piece of good news

[yoyo_girl]

it's only fair that i post this... all i ask is that people realize that i do recognize it as a good thing, but it doesn't take away the pain i feel. Respect that..ok?

today i was asked to meet with the president of my university... privately. I was presented with a bursary meant to encourage students who are struggling to stay in school.... and those who are struggling generally. The award is in memory of a former student who committed suicide a couple of years ago. He said it was meant to let the recipient know that they mattered.

There was a note that said "believe in yourself" and there was cash enclosed.

i cried in my car on the way home. i feel touched... but i feel like i don't deserve this.

 

[Esmeralda]

Congratulations yoyo. Obviously you matter to more people than you know. And you don't think you deserve it? Too bad You don't get to decide. Someone who gets paid big bucks to do that job thought you did...so enjoy the feeling and let yourself feel good for awhile!

 

[LilPandaBear]

good =)

you did.

dont ever think you dont deserve it

 

[Acetaminophen]

^You deserve every bit of it . .
at least you know, people see you and people give a damn . .
i'm happy for you, i'm still in a constant nothingness ..
but i know one day i'll find my way out . .hahaXDXD

 

[TheBLA]

You TOTALLY deserve it and I'm very happy for you that you got it, I wish I could receive something like that though.

 

[smackh2o]

Is it because your feeling guilty that you got that money? There's no need to feel guilt, they gave you that money to help you and you deserve every penny. And don't feel like you have to prove yourself now they have given it to you, like they demand something of you. Be happy with this gift, it's what most suicide victims would want you to feel.

 

[TheBLA]

I really wish my university could give that kind of help to me. :sad: :sad: :sad:

Anyways, I am happy for you, you do deserve it really.

 

[TiredAndAlone]

Wow that's amazing! :biggrin:

 

[yoyo_girl]

i am not sure why i feel like i don't deserve it... that would be a question to solve. It's probably because of the deepening depression. It was such an overwhelming gesture.

i wish all schools did stuff like that... and for more people. I have a close friend who I know walks too close to the edge of suicide and i think about him and maybe this would have made a difference that could save his life...

i am going to frame the note.

 

[~CazzaAngel~]

You deserve it! give yourself a break and give yourself some credit. You are just a person who is having trouble but are a good person... Take care hun :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[TheBLA]

Thats a really good step this university took, may I ask what university it is?
And many more universities should REALLY implement this sort of program, we have so many depressed college students all throughout and so many of them still go ignored, shunned, avoided. Universities will suspend them, kick them out of their dorms for fear of them harming themselves and others there, it doesn't help them at all, only makes them feel worse.

 

[yoyo_girl]

i can't give the exact school... because it is small and i am terrified of being identified. i can't have a particular person find me here. that may be paranoid, but i have good reason.

i go an art school in canada.. it really is a community there.. we all talk to faculty and staff by their first names. So I'd call my prof Bob, instead of Mr Jenkins or something.

i never knew they did this... it's really kept quiet to protect the recipients. The toruble is though that it means that the recipients are the ones who the admin people know about.

the girl the thing was given in memory of... she had been photographed for some book... you never see her whole face... but she seems very beautiful.