One year...

[Dawntreader]

I suppose you'll find my optimism so annoying that it's painful, but yes, I think you made the right decision when you said you'd give yourself time and that things will get better. And you'll find me even more annoying when I say that I see more strength in persevering in spite of the pain than in fleeing it.

And yes, I actually felt smart when I thought of the analogy.:cool: I speak from personal experience when I say that not everyone can make friends without first learning how. I'm still bad at it. It takes a great effort every time, but it also gets slightly easier with practice. And, you know, friends are only human, give them a chance.

Changes seldomly run smoothly, I can't and won't promise you that 'suddenly all will be okay'. All I can say is that given the effort you put into this mission and that you're doing the right thing, things are bound to get better slowly but surely.

 

[i_am_not_here]

I suppose you'll find my optimism so annoying that it's painful

Why, as a matter of fact, yes.

I see more strength in persevering in spite of the pain than in fleeing it.

I think we'll have to agree-to-disagree here.

Changes seldomly run smoothly, I can't and won't promise you that 'suddenly all will be okay'. All I can say is that given the effort you put into this mission and that you're doing the right thing, things are bound to get better slowly but surely.

I wish I shared your optimism.

 

[Dawntreader]

If I could, I would gladly transfer some of my optimism over to you.

And though you may not like all that I'm saying and though we obviously don't agree on some things you can be assured that I'm only trying to help.

You've still got more than half a year in front of you; a lot can happen in that time.

 

[i_am_not_here]

I have over 13 full years of this shit behind me. Nothing's changed so far so what exactly have I got to be optimistic about the next 8 months?

 

[Dawntreader]

I have over 13 full years of this shit behind me. Nothing's changed so far so what exactly have I got to be optimistic about the next 8 months?

Because you yourself said you would change. Now do it, you can. It takes a lot of effort, but you've got strength, and because now's not the time to think about what will be in eight months, now's the time work on you vision of what your life should be like in February 2007.

 

[i_am_not_here]

Because you yourself said you would change. Now do it, you can. It takes a lot of effort, but you've got strength, and because now's not the time to think about what will be in eight months, now's the time work on you vision of what your life should be like in February 2007.

I don't recall saying I would change. I do recall saying that I am slowly taking off the façade of being happy, and I do recall saying that to other people I may appear to be changing, but I am not changing.

 

[Dawntreader]

I am slowly taking off the façade of being happy

Well, if that isn't a change of attitude, what is?

 

[i_am_not_here]

Because you yourself said you would change. Now do it, you can. It takes a lot of effort, but you've got strength, and because now's not the time to think about what will be in eight months, now's the time work on you vision of what your life should be like in February 2007.

I am slowly taking off the façade of being happy

Well, if that isn't a change of attitude, what is?

Will you make up your mind! Yes, I am no longer hiding my real-self from people - fat lot of good it's doing me. Is this a good thing? Are you saying that I "have the strength" to fully take off the mask? That come Feb 2007 I will not be wearing the mask at all - that by Feb 2007 the whole world will come to know what I'm feeling inside? 'Cos, you know, letting everyone know what's going on and thereby pushing absolutely everyone away isn't going to help me.

 

[Dawntreader]

Well, let's look at this from another angle.

What is worse for you:

-Living behind a happy mask and on false pretenses
-Living without the mask so that everyone knows what you're like?

The first is problematic because you can't talk about your problems with your friends and can't be yourself. And if your mask slips, those friends won't like it at all.

The second is problematic because your are on the defensive real fast and that makes it really difficult for others to get close. (Plus, we all know it's easier to be friends with someone who's funny.) But whoever decides to be your friend despite this will also be your friend in case you find it in you to smile a genuine smile.


So, what do you want?

 

[i_am_not_here]

What do I want? I want to be the person that was the mask. I don't want the "happy person" to simple be a façade. I don't want to be in a position where because I've removed the mask and I have no-one around to help me. And I don't mean this to sound harsh, but I'm talking about real people here, not pseudonyms and avatars on an Internet forum.

 

[Dawntreader]

Then you'll actually have to change. Really change. Not just take off a mask. Do you remember a time when you weren't in need of a happy mask, but were simply happy? Do you remember what you liked to do in those times and what your plans were? Maybe you'll find something in those memories that can help you with your current situation.

And I said this once before on this forum, and I'll say it again: The simple act of smiling induces the brain to create endorphins. So you'd better smile as often as you can each day.

And don't model the whole world population on friends that are now turning their back on you. That is unrealistic, useless and unfair. You'll just need to find other, better friends.

And remember: You being unhappy doesn't mean you can be unfriendly. You may only be unfriendly to me, you've got my permission.:wink:

 

[i_am_not_here]

Do you remember a time when you weren't in need of a happy mask, but were simply happy? Do you remember what you liked to do in those times and what your plans were? Maybe you'll find something in those memories that can help you with your current situation.

Actually, no I don't. I don't really remember much of my childhood - not that my childhood "plans" would help me now. I do remember being quite unhappy for as long as I can actually remember.

And I said this once before on this forum, and I'll say it again: The simple act of smiling induces the brain to create endorphins. So you'd better smile as often as you can each day.

So does eating chocolate. In any case, I think you'll find it's more than the "simple act of smiling" - muscular activitiy in the face doesn't cause endorphin release. It is the reason for smiling that causes endorphin release. If simply muscular activity in the face caused endorphins to be produced/released, then it wouldn't be confined to just smiling, all sorts of facial activities would produce that lovely hormone.

And don't model the whole world population on friends that are now turning their back on you. That is unrealistic, useless and unfair. You'll just need to find other, better friends.

Nobody wants to become friends with a miserable git. Without the mask of being even somewhat happy, making friends is not going to happen.

 

[Dawntreader]

I find it interesting that you quote the stuff that you can object to and seem to ignore the stuff you can't. And no, it's the act of smiling that creates endorphins, not the reason for it, I read science books, you know.

You can be a miserable git as long as you show kindness to other people. There is a difference. And if you are going to say: No, a miserable git isn't friendly, then you'll just have to make an effort. Cause being friendly is like being polite, it's an act of will, not of instinct.

 

[i_am_not_here]

I find it interesting that you quote the stuff that you can object to and seem to ignore the stuff youcan't.

Like what? I quote the things to which I am commenting. I see no point in quoting portions of a post that bear no relevance to what I am saying in my reply.

And no, it's the act of smiling that creates endorphins, not the reason for it, I read science books, you know.

That's nice for you. I studied human physiology for 4 years, and a portion of that was psycho-physiology and psycho-neuro-immunology. Do we really want to derail this topic? I would rather we didn't...

You can be a miserable git as long as you show kindness to other people. There is a difference. And if you are going to say: No, a miserable git isn't friendly, then you'll just have to make an effort. Cause being friendly is like being polite, it's an act of will, not of instinct.

Sure, being polite and being somewhat friendly can be achieved when you're a miserable git. But, given a choice, would you prefer to make friends with a miserable git, or just leave them alone? Come on... be honest. If you saw someone you didn't know sitting at the end of a bar, looking miserable and "drowning his sorrows", would you consider that person, for even a moment, as potential "friend" material? No... you wouldn't. You would, at best, ignore them.

This is what I'm talking about. You seem to be suggesting that I just get on with taking the mask off, regardless of whether I lose my friends or not. You seem to be under the impression that I can "just make more friends" after I have fully removed the mask. News flash for you... the me-behind-the-mask is a miserable, very unhappy, sad git. With the mask taken off I won't have any friends. You reckon I will just be able to "make new friends"?

 

[i_am_not_here]

Wow, not long now. About bloody time too, methinks.