Overwhelmed.
- Thread starter koko311
- Start date
- Status
I'm sorry
I have read all your posts. Perhaps I didn't take them in properly.
I don't know what to say. Although we can't predict things perfectly, we can predict how likely certain things are using past statistics/what we know about a given thing. For example, if you go on a plane, it might crash, but you have a rough idea of how likely that is based on past data.
Perhaps that's of absolutely no use to you and just shows how little I understand your point of view...
I have read all your posts. Perhaps I didn't take them in properly.
I don't know what to say. Although we can't predict things perfectly, we can predict how likely certain things are using past statistics/what we know about a given thing. For example, if you go on a plane, it might crash, but you have a rough idea of how likely that is based on past data.
Perhaps that's of absolutely no use to you and just shows how little I understand your point of view...
It's definitely one thing to think it in your head, and a totally different thing to have it confirmed in some way. If you ever would like to discuss this crazy world, I would be glad to. I'd like to hear your thoughts and concerns on what you've observed, and would be happy to share what I've learned over the past 10 or so years. One thing I can say right off the bat, the world you see through the news and other various media outlets is not completely accurate. There is a quote from my favorite novel, Atlas Shrugged, that says, "this is not the world I expected." That statement couldn't be any more true for me.
I find a lot of Ayn Rand's ideas to be interesting, but in no way do I agree with all of her politics or ideals - especially when it comes to mental illness. In a lot of ways, Atlas Shrugged is both the complete antithesis of what I believe, while also being so similar to my beliefs in a lot of ways. I've honestly never read a book that was so right and wrong in the same token, and for that reason I just find it fascinating to study.
Atlas Shrugged is a daunting task to read, but I highly recommend it if you just like to study literature. "1984" is another good book from that same genre and time period.
For me, I try very hard to understand all points of you and as many different philosophies as I can. I think the more perspective I can gain, the more tolerant I am and the more I can cope with the world around me. I think it can also be an affirming thing to one's own beliefs.
For me, I try very hard to understand all points of you and as many different philosophies as I can. I think the more perspective I can gain, the more tolerant I am and the more I can cope with the world around me. I think it can also be an affirming thing to one's own beliefs.
No, you're not wrong. You just haven't taken into account the perpetual chaos - that has literally made me sick - that we live in. Sure we can statistically prove you have x percent chance of dying of heart disease, but that doesn't dictate who it affects. You can statistically prove what chance you have of getting shot in school, but you can't prove who it will be. I have a very hard time taking all of this lightly for some reason.
So far, I see humans, including myself, as idiotic, chaotic, contradictory, apathetic creatures. I witness all of these qualities at least 24 times a day. I'm earnestly having a very time expressing my distaste for the people I've come to known. I'm left perplexed how the death of one person can affect people so drastically, but the death of thousands, millions, is left unnoticed. People who are able to convince themselves that they're always correct, people who hold disgusting grudges for now reason, people who are born insane for christ's sake. Hypocrisy eats me alive like poison where I live. I know that the news is primarily negative, but it's not the actual news that makes me shake, it's not the list of the deceased that freak me out. It's just the inevitable outcome of it happening over and over and over, or maybe just even once. The randomness and unpredictability of my daily life has driven me into a corner I can't get out of. None of this may make sense, again, I'm having a very time explaining how frustrated I am with what I know.
I know a lot of things have already happened, and aside from the near worthless positivity I've witnessed and became apart of, I still can't understand why anybody would be willing to continue living, knowing how dark life actually is. I know I'll never know what's in store for me if I kill myself; that's my reasoning. I don't want to stick around in this disruptive society. I can't understand why the majority of people don't think things the same as my perspective either.
So far, I see humans, including myself, as idiotic, chaotic, contradictory, apathetic creatures. I witness all of these qualities at least 24 times a day. I'm earnestly having a very time expressing my distaste for the people I've come to known. I'm left perplexed how the death of one person can affect people so drastically, but the death of thousands, millions, is left unnoticed. People who are able to convince themselves that they're always correct, people who hold disgusting grudges for now reason, people who are born insane for christ's sake. Hypocrisy eats me alive like poison where I live. I know that the news is primarily negative, but it's not the actual news that makes me shake, it's not the list of the deceased that freak me out. It's just the inevitable outcome of it happening over and over and over, or maybe just even once. The randomness and unpredictability of my daily life has driven me into a corner I can't get out of. None of this may make sense, again, I'm having a very time explaining how frustrated I am with what I know.
I know a lot of things have already happened, and aside from the near worthless positivity I've witnessed and became apart of, I still can't understand why anybody would be willing to continue living, knowing how dark life actually is. I know I'll never know what's in store for me if I kill myself; that's my reasoning. I don't want to stick around in this disruptive society. I can't understand why the majority of people don't think things the same as my perspective either.
You sound so much like me it's not even funny. I definitely hear what you're saying, and I completely understand it - all too well. Heck, I still have a lot of those same thoughts that you just expressed. I suppose the only difference is I have come to understand what I am observing much better, and have somewhat "come to terms" with it in a way I can live with.
What you've described what I like to call "the monotony of madness." Basically, the only thing that seems routine and predictable in this world is chaos.
It's hard for me to summarize how I feel about a lot of the same topics and thoughts you've described, but the closest (but not totally accurate) way I can sum it up and make sense of it is to say most people have a hard time comprehending things they aren't accustomed to - meaning that the culture and knowledge they grow up with and through the beginning of their adult life is just about all their minds are capable of knowing. It's the difference between "shepherd" and "sheep" and a lot of people only have it in them to follow. Does this make them useless? No. Does this make them stupid? Not all of them. Does this make them evil? Again, not necessarily.
Like myself and many other have said about you, I believe a lot of people who I've seen post on this forum are much more brilliant and intelligent and important that they realize. I see the same things as you, and have felt them, but in all honesty the world needs more people like you, and needs more people like many I've met and read on here. I sincerely believe that. If nothing else, I would say it's worth hanging on because this culture we live in and see doesn't deserve to win.
What you've described what I like to call "the monotony of madness." Basically, the only thing that seems routine and predictable in this world is chaos.
It's hard for me to summarize how I feel about a lot of the same topics and thoughts you've described, but the closest (but not totally accurate) way I can sum it up and make sense of it is to say most people have a hard time comprehending things they aren't accustomed to - meaning that the culture and knowledge they grow up with and through the beginning of their adult life is just about all their minds are capable of knowing. It's the difference between "shepherd" and "sheep" and a lot of people only have it in them to follow. Does this make them useless? No. Does this make them stupid? Not all of them. Does this make them evil? Again, not necessarily.
Like myself and many other have said about you, I believe a lot of people who I've seen post on this forum are much more brilliant and intelligent and important that they realize. I see the same things as you, and have felt them, but in all honesty the world needs more people like you, and needs more people like many I've met and read on here. I sincerely believe that. If nothing else, I would say it's worth hanging on because this culture we live in and see doesn't deserve to win.
Well, let me ask you this, is there anything in life that you want/care to experience? Also, if I'm not misunderstanding, I get the impression that you do want to be able to understand the universe, but you don't want to know what's in store for you in the future because you're afraid of what it could be? And in regard to the latter, I'm sure you probably realize that that's symptomatic of Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Also, I know you said in another post that you don't want to see a therapist or psychiatrist, so I assume you wouldn't be willing to take any kind of medication either? If you would though, then normally you would get prescribed a Benzodiazepine for that and as long as you don't misuse it, it could help instantaneously with GAD.
I'm not sure if it's that I'm interested to understand how the universe works, or just if I could just find an explanation for all of this. As well aware of my anxiety as I am, I refuse to seek professional help/medication because I don't believe it will help me. This isn't to say it couldn't make me feel less stressed, I just don't see purpose in attempting to superficially fix myself when I'm already aware of how caustic simply living is. I don't see any objective reason for attempting to rid myself of this abnormalities in the long run.
I'm glad, again, that you understand what i'm trying to say. I have not any ambition to recognize the past and current states of human society and culture. I've come to the point where I couldn't care less about any outlook on my person. Everything culture up to this point has been completely disastrous, whether morally, ethically, you name it. It's grave, but I don't believe anybody should expect better in the future.
I'm glad, again, that you understand what i'm trying to say. I have not any ambition to recognize the past and current states of human society and culture. I've come to the point where I couldn't care less about any outlook on my person. Everything culture up to this point has been completely disastrous, whether morally, ethically, you name it. It's grave, but I don't believe anybody should expect better in the future.
"Everything culture up to this point has been completely disastrous, whether morally, ethically, you name it. It's grave, but I don't believe anybody should expect better in the future."
If we are to believe this as a race - the human race - we would be choosing to see through a particular lens...... Appearances, and with questions that you've already decided cannot have any satisfactory answers to them.
On my journey I've come to see that, although pretty convincing that it's the actual real state of things with no possibility of any improvement - personally, I no longer believe it.
This is the opportunity that is offered to everyone - to come to see things through a different lens of understanding without becoming deceived or subscribing to wishful thinking or a fantasy.
There is a common denominator to why cultural events and history appear to have been disastrous - it's in understanding the reason for the common denominator that starts to put everything else into perspective - and we do not have to become a part of this disaster for ourselves, personally
If we are to believe this as a race - the human race - we would be choosing to see through a particular lens...... Appearances, and with questions that you've already decided cannot have any satisfactory answers to them.
On my journey I've come to see that, although pretty convincing that it's the actual real state of things with no possibility of any improvement - personally, I no longer believe it.
This is the opportunity that is offered to everyone - to come to see things through a different lens of understanding without becoming deceived or subscribing to wishful thinking or a fantasy.
There is a common denominator to why cultural events and history appear to have been disastrous - it's in understanding the reason for the common denominator that starts to put everything else into perspective - and we do not have to become a part of this disaster for ourselves, personally
Okay, understandable, about the first thing you said. As for not believing in professional help/medication, trust me, I'm a huge non-believer for the most part as well. I went to therapy for several years, every single week, trying my ass off to somehow fix myself, and I have absolutely nothing to show for it. I'm exactly the same after all of that, if not worse. My husband constantly pushes me to start going again and I refuse because I don't think they're going to do shit for me. Now, with medication, almost the same thing, but not quite. All the anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, etc. that I've taken never ever worked for me, and after trying like 10 different ones and eventually stopping taking them, I finally gave up on that, too. However, benzodiazepines are completely different. Like I said, they don't need to build up in your system to work; they work instantaneously. So if you took it, trust me, within 15-20 minutes, you would feel it working. Granted, the only problem that could arise with those, like I said, is substance abuse. People like them a little too much and take more than they should. And I also understand how you said that you feel simply living is pretty much pointless, so there would be no point in trying to fix your anxiety, which I agree with in a way, 'cause they don't work for those types of feelings, that's why they never fixed me completely. However, getting rid of one problem is still a little bit better than none, I think.
- Status