Perinatal mental ill health

[Cariad_Bach]

So I recently posted elsewhere while in a bit of a state after discovering I'm unexpectedly pregnant. Thank you to @Rockclimbinggirl, @Ash600 and @ib4uib for responding to me there.

I told the Midwife how I'm feeling and she responded "is that something I can help you with?", so I guess it's not.... I've tried the GP who suggested exercise and anti depressants and told me to calm down because "all this stress hormone is not good for baby". There's a specific perinatal MH service but GP thinks they might not support me because my BPD, depression and anxiety all predate the pregnancy. There's a counselling service but it's for people thinking of termination.

Previous interaction with my CMHT has been patchy. I have little faith in them because, last summer, after calling me weekly to help me cope with lockdown, I missed 1 phone call and got delisted. I called them back that day but there was no reply, so I waited until the next week at the regular time but no call came. I called and left a message, and did so again the following week, but they never called again so I gave up.

I know GP is right but I'm all over the place and I've no idea how to turn off the stress hormone... I'm crying everyday. I can't think clearly. I'm tired and unmotivated and not looking after myself. I'm thinking of suicide and everytime I do I'm attacking myself for it because now everything's different and I can't do that now, can I? I feel so alone.

I feel so guilty that I got myself into this situation. Now I'm bringing someone else into this world... this world that I hate and in which I feel so miserable and desperate. Not to mention my own self-hatred and personal shame over who I am... How can I subject a baby to this world??? How can I subject a baby to me???!!!

For the record, I used contraception. I did what I was supposed to do to prevent this. But only because we're not quite ready, the plan was to do this later... I could terminate, but I don't think it's what I want. Despite the shock, there's no reason not to do this except for my distress - which makes it feel like the very idea of termination is almost equivalent to my thoughts around suicide and self harm. Because since I can't do that while baby's in there (and will probably feel like I shouldn't do that to baby when they arrive either but will feel equally terrible if I live, in depression, and they end up caring for me or at the very least end up being affected by my mental ill-health because how could they not be?), it's almost reflexive to say that I could just get rid of it, then, and then I'd be free to off myself 'n' all...

I just need help to work through and manage and control all these intense and unexpected feelings. Surely I can't be the only person with pre- existing mental ill-health who needs help in pregnancy?! Am I really the first and most awful person in the world for struggling with this??

 

[may71]

There's a specific perinatal MH service but GP thinks they might not support me because my BPD, depression and anxiety all predate the pregnancy. There's a counselling service but it's for people thinking of termination.

Both of these resources might be worth looking into. Even if the MH service won't directly support you, it's still worth a try. They also might be able to refer you on to other resources even if they can't help.

The other counseling service might be helpful too, as long as they aren't going to push you in any direction.

Talking to someone who's had similar experiences, or who has counseling experience related to this could be really helpful, it's just a matter of finding the right person to talk to.

Hugs. I know this has got to be an unbelievable stress for you.

 

[Ash600]

Reading about your experiences with your GP and mdwife, it sounded as if they are a throwback to the 80's what with the type of old school approach they seem to have adopted. I'm sorry you've been let down by the healthcare system, especially at a time when support is needed.

I don'y know if these two organisations would be of any help to you @Cariad_Bach , but I'll give you the links here all the same. Hope they'll be able to offer you some help.

https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/

https://maternalmentalhealthalliance.org/

 

[Cariad_Bach]

@Ash600 thank you so much for the links

 

[Ash600]

@Ash600 thank you so much for the links

Hi, I just had a thought. That organisation, Mind, they may be able to link you to support organisations local to your area. They can also provide an advocacy service so you never know, they may be able to act on your behalf and perhaps give a nudge on you being able to access the appropriate support.

 

[ib4uib]

My experiences in the many, many, many years that I have been on this planet is..

1/ Doctors don't give a rats ar*e about you, they are paid 1000's and 1000's of bucks just to prescribe you with the very drugs which pay there wages.
2/ IF you do ever find anybody in the mental health field who is any good then be prepared for them to change quite quickly. They are all governed by bodies above them and have a Victorian outlook on mental health even though we are still well past the Victorian era.
IT'S all about MONEY MONEY MONEY...

Ok so what to do?
EVERYTHING in your life is YOUR choice from this moment onwards, I'm not on about years back, or months back, heck I'm not even on about 3 minutes back.
I'm on about the time going onwards from the moment you read these words.
Human beings are massively floored, this all starts from the beginning of life, OUR experiences and BS we are told and taught (by another load of fu*ked up human beings, who came through the same BS as we did) has gone on for thousands and thousands of years. Taught to walk and talk, and once we've mastered that one, told to sit down and shut up..

Depression & anxiety is a condition rooted deep down inside of us. Yet the feelings of helplessness, NOT being able to change anything, hating ourselves, wanting to die etc,, etc all stems from TRAUMA, ABUSE (mental/physical) REJECTION and so many other words that will make this post a mile long to write out.
Yet the way forward is understanding all of this and using it as tools to go on from this moment now.

However and whatever going over and over the past WILL not rectify anything and just keeps you in GROUND that now seems familiar, where as anxiety is trying to MAKE the future certain and more so having control of it. Past/Future = 2 parts of time that don't actually exist!

Now, whatever mental health name you have kindly been labelled with by doctors/shrinks etc you would never of known anything about if you hadn't been told. I know there are loads and loads of labels for all the different mental health conditions, yet they ALL CARRY the same diagnosis, though it might not be DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY together, it could just be ONE of them. And you can bet a pound to a penny each condition will have the ANXIETY in them for certain.

But you might not of understood me very well in my first post I wrote to you, about having the tools already within you which to move forward with your pregnancy, you will see and know first hand if your child is struggling with anything, you will read them like a book BECAUSE you know what you're looking for, as you have experienced life (Depression/Anxiety)
This gives you an edge billions of other mothers do not have, it gives you a foresight and understanding to make sure your child remains as balanced as possible, you are already thinking of this child now before they are even born.

One thing I would try and do is monitor your Depression and Anxiety levels, try and notice that when you feel anxious this will trigger a thought which will make you feel really uncomfortable, the same will happen if you're feel depressed, but again try and link Anxiety & Depression to TIME. If the thought is uncomfortable and is about something going wrong any time into the future then this is you feeling ANXIOUS, if a thought comes up which makes you feel bad and is connected to the PAST then this is Depression. Yet challenge yourself when you work out what part of TIME is causing the discomfort, I hope this makes sense because if you do manage to connect these 2 parts of time when you are at your worst...


Then you will instantly understand that these points of TIME which are causing you stress in that moment, are 2 parts of TIME which do not exist, the feeling will go away as quickly as it came. It's just you have to keep challenging it for a few weeks, it slowly fades into dust!

It's the only way out I know..

Take care