please talk with me

[dying_inside]

i could try and describe. yes, thank you.

they can do nothing to help but i still hope they could find a way.

no if i quit there wouldnt be anyone else left to talk with. i would be on my own. easier to quit, hardest to live...

 

[Paul1963]

today i see my Therapist and autism therapist too and i want to quit them but i dont know if i'll have the courage.
i dont know what to tell them.
i wish they could have seen me yesterday in a full blown crisis. but they never get to see that part...

You have to do what is best for yourself.

today i see my Therapist and autism therapist too and i want to quit them but i dont know if i'll have the courage.
i dont know what to tell them.
i wish they could have seen me yesterday in a full blown crisis. but they never get to see that part...

Good

today i see my Therapist and autism therapist too and i want to quit them but i dont know if i'll have the courage.
i dont know what to tell them.
i wish they could have seen me yesterday in a full blown crisis. but they never get to see that part...

I hope all goes ok at the therapists today in whatever you choose to do. Ultimately you have to do what is best for yourself. 🤗

 

[Paul1963]

i could try and describe. yes, thank you.

they can do nothing to help but i still hope they could find a way.

no if i quit there wouldnt be anyone else left to talk with. i would be on my own. easier to quit, hardest to live...

I hope you stick with it. Even if it's not really working, then at least you will have an irl person to vent with. 🤗

 

[Paul1963]

im sorry you're so alone IRL, but you're not alone here.

and thank you for asking about my night, it was very kind of you. i wish i could sleep all day too but i cant. i have been abused too so i know the nightmares. i usually dont wake up feeling too bad, its during the day that things get worse.
yesterday i was feeling like doing it so much but i stopped myself. i have some things to get fixed first.

So sorry you had to go through all that. Abuse is evil regarding the impact it has on us. I hope things don't get too bad for you today. 🤗

 

[dying_inside]

i saw T and he said we're building my resilience so that i'll be able to better cope with shit of life and hopefully not go on with my plan.
he said i'll always be drawn to suicide because its my easiest best solution to everything, but he hopes i wont give in.

autism T and i talked about my method. he is seriously worried and wanted to see me again the day after tomorrow.
im craving care so much i couldnt say no.

so im still seeing both of them.

tomorrow i see Psych. she is the one who makes me feel better and worse at the same time. i prefer nothing to this rollercoaster. but we'll see tomorrow.

i still hate life and ant to die but its nice to feel cared about.

 

[iloverachel]

i saw T and he said we're building my resilience so that i'll be able to better cope with shit of life and hopefully not go on with my plan.
he said i'll always be drawn to suicide because its my easiest best solution to everything, but he hopes i wont give in.

autism T and i talked about my method. he is seriously worried and wanted to see me again the day after tomorrow.
im craving care so much i couldnt say no.

so im still seeing both of them.

tomorrow i see Psych. she is the one who makes me feel better and worse at the same time. i prefer nothing to this rollercoaster. but we'll see tomorrow.

i still hate life and ant to die but its nice to feel cared about.

Good luck my friend

 

[Paul1963]

i saw T and he said we're building my resilience so that i'll be able to better cope with shit of life and hopefully not go on with my plan.
he said i'll always be drawn to suicide because its my easiest best solution to everything, but he hopes i wont give in.

autism T and i talked about my method. he is seriously worried and wanted to see me again the day after tomorrow.
im craving care so much i couldnt say no.

so im still seeing both of them.

tomorrow i see Psych. she is the one who makes me feel better and worse at the same time. i prefer nothing to this rollercoaster. but we'll see tomorrow.

i still hate life and ant to die but its nice to feel cared about.

Best wishes to you for tomorrow. 🤗

 

[nicktheundoer]

I'm sorry @dying_inside if I've hurt you in any way..I was just trying to soothe

i saw T and he said we're building my resilience so that i'll be able to better cope with shit of life and hopefully not go on with my plan.
he said i'll always be drawn to suicide because its my easiest best solution to everything, but he hopes i wont give in.

autism T and i talked about my method. he is seriously worried and wanted to see me again the day after tomorrow.
im craving care so much i couldnt say no.

so im still seeing both of them.

tomorrow i see Psych. she is the one who makes me feel better and worse at the same time. i prefer nothing to this rollercoaster. but we'll see tomorrow.

i still hate life and ant to die but its nice to feel cared about.

It's nice that you feel cared about..I hope your therapy sessions go well😊😊

 

[Brokendownwreck]

I don't want to be selfish or anything but I'm in same boat and if you all go I'll have no kin to talk to or read posts with to feel less alone I know it's not best reason

 

[Brokendownwreck]

I feel same as Paul in sense that I could win lottery and have relationship of my dreams and still it wouldn't make a difference. I used to attempt all time as I want peace . One night I phone Samaritans and talked to yet another ghastly man and he said this " do you think pills are painless because they are not and if you survive you will be in more pain" since then I've refrained as that scared me because I never thought of it before that people can survive the most sure methods it's not that I'm scared of death far from it it's that he has highlighted pain and more Disabilities and still being alive to cope.

 

[Brokendownwreck]

Still it was a step up from the one who fell asleep on me while talking through various methods .

 

[dying_inside]

Thank you @iloverachel , @Paul1963 , @nicktheundoer .

How did you all sleep?

im preparing a letter for my Psych.

@Brokendownwreck , im sorry you feel like that too. just yesterday my T and i talked about my method and it scared me. so i understand...

i wish everyone a better day than yesterday.

Love

 

[nicktheundoer]

i wish everyone a better day than yesterday.

Thank you so much for your kindness..
i slept well..what about you?

 

[Paul1963]

I don't want to be selfish or anything but I'm in same boat and if you all go I'll have no kin to talk to or read posts with to feel less alone I know it's not best reason

I'm with you on this: I feel the same way. 🤗

 

[dying_inside]

i slept about 5 hours, but its good for me so im thankful for that.
im not thankful for waking up...
today wont be a good day.
yet i've been waiting for it for weeks... seeing my Psych... i guess it will be painful AF.

you all are starting to become some sort of family for me. i love you all and thank you for being here with me and for me every day

 

[Paul1963]

I feel same as Paul in sense that I could win lottery and have relationship of my dreams and still it wouldn't make a difference. I used to attempt all time as I want peace . One night I phone Samaritans and talked to yet another ghastly man and he said this " do you think pills are painless because they are not and if you survive you will be in more pain" since then I've refrained as that scared me because I never thought of it before that people can survive the most sure methods it's not that I'm scared of death far from it it's that he has highlighted pain and more Disabilities and still being alive to cope.

A lot of the people who are supposedly there to help us actually have very poor people skills, and can also have a shocking lack of empathy. So sorry you are suffering, this life and the world we live in really is quite the nightmare for most of us. 🤗

 

[Paul1963]

Thank you @iloverachel , @Paul1963 , @nicktheundoer .

How did you all sleep?

im preparing a letter for my Psych.

@Brokendownwreck , im sorry you feel like that too. just yesterday my T and i talked about my method and it scared me. so i understand...

i wish everyone a better day than yesterday.

Love

I slept for 7 hours straight through without waking up once. This was due the fact that I had reached exhaustion point . Sleeping like this is a rare thing for me because I usually cannot sleep without waking up every half hour or so. I hope that you slept well too, and I wish you the very best of luck in whatever happens today. 🤗

 

[Paul1963]

i slept about 5 hours, but its good for me so im thankful for that.
im not thankful for waking up...
today wont be a good day.
yet i've been waiting for it for weeks... seeing my Psych... i guess it will be painful AF.

you all are starting to become some sort of family for me. i love you all and thank you for being here with me and for me every day

I'm so glad that you managed to sleep ok, despite the fact that you have been very nervous about your appointments. And yes, waking up sucks ass. I hate it too. Lots of love and best wishes to you for today. 🤗

 

[iloverachel]

i slept about 5 hours, but its good for me so im thankful for that.
im not thankful for waking up...
today wont be a good day.
yet i've been waiting for it for weeks... seeing my Psych... i guess it will be painful AF.

you all are starting to become some sort of family for me. i love you all and thank you for being here with me and for me every day

Yes. We are family who care about you

 

[dying_inside]

iloverachel
THANK YOU