Post your JOKES here!
- Thread starter Saint Rita
- Start date
- Status
Clearly @OrphanWithAFamily is owning this thread
A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"
He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"
The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?"
The man answers, "Now the problems start!"
He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"
The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?"
The man answers, "Now the problems start!"
Matt!! I can NOT unsee that! I can NOT unknow that! 
I must admit that I did Google the product and read a review by one very happy customer. I've pasted it here -
Ball Lotion
Chief Feather Corn on May 11, 2019
This shit is the deal to be honest. I too was skeptical about this stuff. But, it works it fkn works. Not only for your nuts though, I put this shit on my nuts,ass and under arm area. Sweat bumps go away. I want more, I just want a bigger bottle. The smell is fkn great aswel. Sell bigger bottles. Love it.
I think he really, really likes it!!
I must admit that I did Google the product and read a review by one very happy customer. I've pasted it here -
Ball Lotion
Chief Feather Corn on May 11, 2019
This shit is the deal to be honest. I too was skeptical about this stuff. But, it works it fkn works. Not only for your nuts though, I put this shit on my nuts,ass and under arm area. Sweat bumps go away. I want more, I just want a bigger bottle. The smell is fkn great aswel. Sell bigger bottles. Love it.
I think he really, really likes it!!
A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
So the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.
The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”
Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.”
The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”
The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”
So the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.
The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”
Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.”
The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”
The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”
Wonder if anyone has tried this one
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Below-Belt...68&hvtargid=pla-562727175030&psc=1&th=1&psc=1
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Below-Belt...68&hvtargid=pla-562727175030&psc=1&th=1&psc=1
A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands...
"Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry, Dad. I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!
"Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry, Dad. I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!
A man wakes up and looks at his clock. It is 7:07 am.
He gets out of bed, goes downstairs and glances at his calendar. It says it is July 7, the seventh day of the seventh month.
As he steps outside he notices Bus #7 going by. He walks to a coffee shop and orders a coffee and a bite to eat and the bill comes to $7.77.
The man thinks "hmmmm... all these sevens... I think the universe is trying to tell me something."
So feeling that maybe this is his lucky day, the man cuts out early from work and goes to the race track. He reads the racing schedule and sees that in the seventh race horse # 7 is called "Lucky Universe". The man can't believe it. He runs up to the teller and bets all his money on the horse.
The horse came in seventh.
He gets out of bed, goes downstairs and glances at his calendar. It says it is July 7, the seventh day of the seventh month.
As he steps outside he notices Bus #7 going by. He walks to a coffee shop and orders a coffee and a bite to eat and the bill comes to $7.77.
The man thinks "hmmmm... all these sevens... I think the universe is trying to tell me something."
So feeling that maybe this is his lucky day, the man cuts out early from work and goes to the race track. He reads the racing schedule and sees that in the seventh race horse # 7 is called "Lucky Universe". The man can't believe it. He runs up to the teller and bets all his money on the horse.
The horse came in seventh.
An engineer died and was mistakenly sent to hell. Fairly quickly, he had redesigned the place. Hell cooled down considerably thanks to the air conditioning he built and installed. The escalators and elevators worked just fine. Manual labor was quickly becoming a thing of the past.
God looked down one day and noticed all the changes. He called down to the devil to ask how these improvements came about.
The devil replied, "That engineer you sent me."
"What engineer? You’re not supposed to have an engineer. Send him back up here!"
The devil’s answer was simple... "No."
"If you don’t send that engineer back right now, I’m going to be very angry. In fact, I’ll sue you!"
The devil replies, "And... where are you going to get a lawyer?"
God looked down one day and noticed all the changes. He called down to the devil to ask how these improvements came about.
The devil replied, "That engineer you sent me."
"What engineer? You’re not supposed to have an engineer. Send him back up here!"
The devil’s answer was simple... "No."
"If you don’t send that engineer back right now, I’m going to be very angry. In fact, I’ll sue you!"
The devil replies, "And... where are you going to get a lawyer?"
So after my wife died, a friend came and tried to comfort me. I could tell she was trying to find the right words, and what finally came out was “plethora.”
“Thank you” I said “That means a lot.”
Another friend was having the same problem and it kinda surprised me a little when he said “A hole in the ground from which you bring up water.” But that was okay, because I knew he meant well.
“Thank you” I said “That means a lot.”
Another friend was having the same problem and it kinda surprised me a little when he said “A hole in the ground from which you bring up water.” But that was okay, because I knew he meant well.
- Status