I came really close to killing myself two nights ago after a bipolar crash. It made my PTSD flare up severely, as it always does when I am suicidal. I have paralyzing, terrifying flashbacks of my previous suicide attempts. Like a citizen of a war-besieged city, I live though periods of time in which I have a realistic and unrelenting dwarf theft I will soon be dead. The aftermath of serious suicidal ideation is trauma. Problem is, I can barely find anything about it on the internet. I also have flashbacks of psychotic episodes that are like bad acid trips. Having mental illness is extremely traumatizing and I feel so alientained because have no one to talk to about this and I'm safe butv struggling. Can anybody relate?