PTSD from being suicidal/mentally ill

[raiinbowjunkiie]

I came really close to killing myself two nights ago after a bipolar crash. It made my PTSD flare up severely, as it always does when I am suicidal. I have paralyzing, terrifying flashbacks of my previous suicide attempts. Like a citizen of a war-besieged city, I live though periods of time in which I have a realistic and unrelenting dwarf theft I will soon be dead. The aftermath of serious suicidal ideation is trauma. Problem is, I can barely find anything about it on the internet. I also have flashbacks of psychotic episodes that are like bad acid trips. Having mental illness is extremely traumatizing and I feel so alientained because have no one to talk to about this and I'm safe butv struggling. Can anybody relate?

 

[lifetalkz]

Hello-Yes!! I know well of what you speak. It's many years since my last attempt, in fact my life is totally different and I've come such a long way....but there are still times when I have flashbacks that bring me immediately to tears. No one around me can understand the universe of thought that I used to live in-but I understand it very well. I came so close to dying in that universe...just the thought of it sends shudders up and down my spine. It chills me to the core! Only those who have been in that terrible place can understand-I definitely do and so (I'm sure) do many on this forum. I deal with that pain that often comes by thinking only about the gratitude I feel for making it this far and creating positive change in my life. My life is far from perfect, but it's better than it was and that's enough for me. Please know that you are not alone-I feel you, hopefully you will not feel so alienated.

 

[Petal]

Hi @raiinbowjunkiie I am sorry to hear you are feeling so poorly but very relieved you survived your attempt.

For your PTSD, I would highly recommend CBT, I have PTSD and counseling has helped me tremendously. I hope you get the help you need and you do have someone to talk to about this, you have us here for you anytime you want to vent/rant/talk ...whatever

Glad to hear you are safe at the moment. Do you think calling a crisis line like the samaritans could help you? We are here for you no matter what you are going through.

Keep yourself safe and keep posting here if it helps.