i don't want to post under the suicide forum because i'm not quite there yet. i didn't want to post under the depression forum, either, because i get depressed quite often, and this feeling that i have right now is much different. i'm not sad or hopeless, just completely apathetic.
i look at the future and i ask myself what i want to do with my life. i ask myself what there is worth living for. marriage, children...not terribly interested. all i see is a life full of bad things--a job that i'll hate, death, illness, sadness, people breaking promises...bad things that cannot be outweighed by the good. i look at the options: keep living or decide to die, and i think, "what's the difference?" keep in mind, i'm not upset or sad, i just don't care.
i used to be scared of taking my own life. scared of hell, scared of pain. i think i'm in a more dangerous place than i was before because now it just doesn't matter. i don't care to discover what tomorrow holds. i've lived as much as i want, and i'm ready to go. at the same time, if i stay in this purgatory on earth, i don't know what to do with myself. i just don't know...
i look at the future and i ask myself what i want to do with my life. i ask myself what there is worth living for. marriage, children...not terribly interested. all i see is a life full of bad things--a job that i'll hate, death, illness, sadness, people breaking promises...bad things that cannot be outweighed by the good. i look at the options: keep living or decide to die, and i think, "what's the difference?" keep in mind, i'm not upset or sad, i just don't care.
i used to be scared of taking my own life. scared of hell, scared of pain. i think i'm in a more dangerous place than i was before because now it just doesn't matter. i don't care to discover what tomorrow holds. i've lived as much as i want, and i'm ready to go. at the same time, if i stay in this purgatory on earth, i don't know what to do with myself. i just don't know...