I don't know how to say this properly. I even don't think this will be read through. But, I just want to let a few people know (and if you're one of the few, thank you so much for taking a time to read this piece of s***).
Last May, I wrote a letter to God telling that I am too tired of everything, there's nothing worth living for and that I am ready to give up myself to Him. I also said sorry to Him in advance of what I am about to do.
I planned to OD myself with some OTC meds I found at home. I researched for its lethal dose and I had secured enough number of tabs to actually OD myself. And I thought of doing this at the dawn of my 19th birthday which is a few hours from now. In my letter, I was telling God that I exactly had at least 3 months to try to renew my life and see if anything better happens. Seeing there is none, I have finally come to a point where I must do something already.
I don't know why I'm even sharing this but I have this eerie feeling that I might really do this. Because I had promised myself that I would not break this plan unless there would be signs that I shouldn't go on with this. Now, I got the meds and the letter secured in my closet. And I'll just be waiting for a few hours more.
I'm scared because I might not be able to control myself because if I let this plan go, this would mean another disappointment on my part. That I always lack the courage to do something. I keep on planning things I'm not even capable of doing. Now, I don't know what to do. I just want to stop the clock and I hope everything gets better.
Please give me anything that would keep my feet on the ground. :sad:
Last May, I wrote a letter to God telling that I am too tired of everything, there's nothing worth living for and that I am ready to give up myself to Him. I also said sorry to Him in advance of what I am about to do.
I planned to OD myself with some OTC meds I found at home. I researched for its lethal dose and I had secured enough number of tabs to actually OD myself. And I thought of doing this at the dawn of my 19th birthday which is a few hours from now. In my letter, I was telling God that I exactly had at least 3 months to try to renew my life and see if anything better happens. Seeing there is none, I have finally come to a point where I must do something already.
I don't know why I'm even sharing this but I have this eerie feeling that I might really do this. Because I had promised myself that I would not break this plan unless there would be signs that I shouldn't go on with this. Now, I got the meds and the letter secured in my closet. And I'll just be waiting for a few hours more.
I'm scared because I might not be able to control myself because if I let this plan go, this would mean another disappointment on my part. That I always lack the courage to do something. I keep on planning things I'm not even capable of doing. Now, I don't know what to do. I just want to stop the clock and I hope everything gets better.
Please give me anything that would keep my feet on the ground. :sad: