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Why why why did you have to change everything forever??? What did i do for you to do this to me?? Why couldn't you just be the man you were ment to be??? I cant handle it anymore i want you back before you decided this was to now be out relationship!!! Why do I have to mourn what you should have been to me. But yet I don't want you in my life because of what you really are. I just miss what it should have been.
I'm sorry that I have turned from a caring, campaigning, sometimes witty, fun to be with guy to someone obessesd with his own overwhelming pain and the hell that he is now in and doesnt know whether he will ever get out of. I think most who have gone through what I have in the last few months might well feel and act the same. And I dont think I am to blame morally for what happened (that lies with the negligent doctors) but I still wish that I had walked ina different direction metaphorically speaking and not walked straight into disaster. With constant loud tinnitus noises (which are too loud to drwon out) for the rest of my life, I dont really think that it will be a life worth living. I am so sorry that (while I am still trying to be positive and stay afloat) that one day I might have to give up. I am so sorry that this will devastate you and ruin much of your happiness. It is for you that I keep going. But I am tired, so tired. Each day seems harder, not easier. It is brilliant sunshine here today and outiside are woodlands and a stream which i would love to spend the day in, cutting back the sappling and listening to te birds and swigging from a flask of tea. But outside all I can really hear is the screeching tinnitus and I cant bear it. So I stay in at this computer and couunt the miutes and the hours and seek what distraction and solace I can. I have not given up hope but feel that it is draining away fast. I am so so for me and for us.
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