Scared and alone

[sj32]

I'm not sure what to say, I've never posted to a forum like this before. I've been dealing with depression for years, and was hospitalized last year around this time. During the past year I've been working really hard with my psychologist on learning how to deal with it. I've been looking at my problems instead of escaping from them. Sometimes I feel okay. Lately though, I feel like it is all just talk. Things, actual circumstances, have not and will not change just by talking them over. I feel better when I think of killing myself and that scares me. I don't want to die, I just feel like it's the only thing left to do.

I know this is vague, I'm sorry. I just wanted to get it out. I don't have friends or family who understand about depression. They think I could snap out of it if I tried hard enough. I sure wish that was true.

I am struggling with suicidal thoughts right now. It's very painful and I feel like I'm out of options, I just don't know what to do. I have an appointment for therapy this afternoon, but I've been having panic attacks all day and I'm not sure if I'll be able to get myself to go. I called out of work today because I had a panic attack at work yesterday and didn't want it to happen again today. Part of me thinks I will never go back.

Thank you for your encouragement.

 

[Monoka]

First off- :welcome:

im glad you'v found us, hope we can help, please dont hurt yourself- talk to us

 

[dazzle11215]

welcome

many of us have struggled with exactly what you are describing.

you are not alone

try and get to therapy. it eventually works.

if you feel really bad, go back to the hospital and let them take care of you until you start to feel better.

good luck making a decision about work. i understand about not wanting to go, but sometimes keeping busy is a good distraction from the suicidal feelings. it's a toss up.

 

[total eclipse]

Hi you it is good to see you reaching out for support Lots here okay so keep posting so we can get to know you better and you can make more friends. Welcome to SF