Self-hatred and Self-doubt

[MentallyTired7]

Hello everyone,

I hope that you all are doing okay…

I myself suffer from self-hatred and self-doubt. Some days I’m greatly troubled by these two things, but other days the self-hatred and self-doubt are definitely manageable. Back in the day I didn’t suffer from self-hatred; a bit of self-doubt yes, but there’s nothing weird about that I think. A big part of what caused these feelings of self-hatred and self-doubt for me, is that I’ve always been a big outcast among people of, or around my own age. Not only that, but also getting bullied and often getting ignored by peers has had it’s effect on me… In the classroom I was like a ghost; people paid zero attention to me and showed basically no interest in me. Most of the time I tried to be kind towards others and tried to show interest in others; sadly I didn’t get that in return. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect at all, but I have a good heart I think. It’s good to add that I have autism I think… . But enough about me now, because I wanted to ask you all a question:

Do you suffer from self-hatred and self-doubt? (Feel free to elaborate on your answer, because I’m interested in everyone their experiences. If you want to just answer with a short ‘yes’ or ‘no’, then that’s totally fine )

If you do, then I just want to say I’m sorry that you do, because self-hatred is simply awful.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

I think self-hatred and self-doubt are really common among people who've been bullied or abused. I have recently adopted the ancient philosophy of Stoicism which really helps me not to base my worth on how people treat (or have treated) me. Highly recommend looking into this. There are some good YouTube videos on how to care less about how others see you - Mark Manson has some and Ryan Holiday (the later guy is a Stoic).

 

[KM76710]

Self doubt I would say do, that or I put is questioning so much of myself and what is happening and trying to work out how people and the world still function. No self hatred. I hope that you will be able to get beyond hatred and negative thoughts about yourself.

 

[MisterBGone]

Yes - on both accounts! Probably a lot of other negative-self, things (or words you could fill-in there) as well...

It's no wonder why you have some of these feelings & thoughts, given what's happened to you growing up. Hopefully, you can begin to gain some valuable experience & therefore, insight into how to counter some of these impressions that have been formed on you. It just takes some practice to get comfortable communicating with others your own age (& any age, for that matter!) - but if you're in school or working, or whatever, some place where you're surrounded by like-aged individuals; your peers, then that is what you've got to deal with. And maybe it would be good & best, in that sense, because you can help nurse the wounds that were developed from your past.

Being kind towards others, talking an interest in what they do or love, and having a good heart, are all incredibly phenomenal - & positive qualities or traits for one to share. Most people can't lay claim to those. Well, they can, but they may be over-embellishing their attributes / characteristics. There's what you say, and there's what you do. They don't always match, or sync-up. And what I mean, is they can be two totally opposite & different things. I can think something about myself, and have it be total hogwash, or completely false.

I have a pretty strong and sincere feeling that you are being truthful in your assessments of yourself (you really don't have any reason not to be). And that unfortunately, being kind & noble, and all that, doesn't always yield (or get you) immediate results and rewards. But I think if you carry this mindset forward in life, eventually you'll get to a place where others around you (your peers & beyond) will begin to take notice, and be much more appreciative of you and who you are. It will be rare, and others will begin to slow down some, and be more settled (not as hectic) with what they're doing in life.

There's lot of people on the forum who have autism, or a friend/family member with it too. So you'll likely find some common ground if you can come across, or run into some of them. Keep posting if you find it helpful! And good luck.

 

[MentallyTired7]

I think self-hatred and self-doubt are really common among people who've been bullied or abused. I have recently adopted the ancient philosophy of Stoicism which really helps me not to base my worth on how people treat (or have treated) me. Highly recommend looking into this. There are some good YouTube videos on how to care less about how others see you - Mark Manson has some and Ryan Holiday (the later guy is a Stoic).

Hey Lady Wolfshead ,

I think so too; it’s just sad that (probably) many people who have been bullied or abused develop feelings of self-doubt and self-hatred.

I know nothing about Stoicism, but I will definitely look into it. I have seen you mention Stoicism before on SF . Mark Manson and Ryan Holiday; I’ve never heard of these two men. I will make sure to check them out on Youtube.

Thank you for the recommendations and for your reply on this thread .

 

[MentallyTired7]

Self doubt I would say do, that or I put is questioning so much of myself and what is happening and trying to work out how people and the world still function. No self hatred. I hope that you will be able to get beyond hatred and negative thoughts about yourself.

Hey ,

I’m happy to hear that you don’t experience self-hatred; it’s a horrible thing. I hope that one day I will overcome the self-hatred too…

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it .

 

[MentallyTired7]

Hey @MisterBGone ,

Let me start out by saying sorry. Sorry for this super late reply. I'm still struggling a lot in life most of the time; and even when things are at least bearable, I still have a lot of concentration problems... Those concentration problems make it pretty hard for me to do something like reading or writing a reply (like in this case ). I want it to be a well thought-out reply .

I'm sorry to hear that you experience those two things (self-doubt and self-hatred) as well :/. Have you always dealt with those things during your life or did something specific happen in your life that caused those feelings for you?

Yes I agree with you . I think that gaining some valuable experiences would be a good thing for me. Compared to when I was a kid and young teen, I've definitely gotten better at communicating with others and I'm more at ease now with people compared to back then.

Thank you and yea, I completely agree with all the things you said here and have nothing to add here .

Thanks for your words here. They help and give me hope . I will try to stay true to myself.

I know that there are others here on SF with autism and it can definitely be nice to talk to someone else with autism. You will always have at least some common ground. I will try to keep posting and thank you for your long reply to this thread .

 

[MisterBGone]

Okay, First off~ & for Starters: @MentallyTired7 - You do not need to apologize to me. Everything is o. k. / And I don't need any explanation for any reason whatsoever! : ) For I am fine, with everything. And I'm not in the least bit upset with you for a delayed response. As I hope I would have said earlier, you didn't even have to give me one--a response--& I'd have been fine, too... So please don't be feeling badly or anything like that. As I don't want you worrying about this (SF) at all, okay?

Now, I'm glad to hear that things are somewhat better now, than they were then, when you'd written previously. However, it still sounds as if there are some challenges at present. That is ok, though. This is to be expected. For all of us. Even if for different reasons, and some of us, many in fact, it would be the same! So I was just wanting to say that I hope you have some sort of an idea, or plan on how you might be able to get some help with these concentration issues. So that you can live a more settled & calm life. One with more ease. And less stress. Easier said than done! I know, and I realize this...

Usually, it takes a good diagnosis into one's condition. Then it takes getting the proper treatment for such care. This can involve medications, commonly, and frequently. It all just depends on what it is. Some people are greatly helped by therapy. Others are not. Some people do both to moderate benefit. While others find one more successful, or helpful in lending them aid, and then the other more of a, "going through the motions" kind or type of a thing. So they can say that they've at least tried to make their best (faith) efforts in order to solve their dilemma. And fight the difficulties present with their diagnosis.

I'm glad that you got something out of what I'd said before. I didn't go back & read it just now, and while I used to have a superb memory, these days it just isn't. It's very, very poor. I am 46, by the way! On your question of self-doubt; & self-hatred. It's a complicated question for sure. I have not felt that way since birth. Not by any means. I'd say it became a more permanent fixture sometime in my early 20's, by my best estimate. So college. And then from there, it kind of just stuck around for a good, long-little while. I'd say mid-30's maybe? Or thereabouts~

Now as to the root cause. I'm sure some of it is just genetics. I was adopted, and so I have no idea or clue as to my biological families' medical history. Then the environmental factors probably kicked in there somewhere along the way, and played a fairly significant role, or part (I'd imagine. . . that they had to have, had?). I've had some bad luck, but who hasn't? I wasn't very smart, nor good in school. This led to not being able to find meaningful work, or a reliable career & occupation with which to keep both me, and my mind occuppied.

With the MDD (major depression), I found it very difficult to hold a job. And when I did, it wasn't a very good, or fulfilling one. In spite of some profound connections formed amongst co-workers, or superiors (& it wasn't always that way, by the way) - but my point is, that I had a lot of fun, for a while, at almost all of them. But when you're working for little money, at a hotel, or a coffee shop, and a restaurant. Or things like that, it can be very difficult to build up enough self-esteem to conquer those feelings of insecurity, which can then lead to the self-doubt; which also may manifest itself into the self-hatred. Or the reverse (order) of those, perhaps? Regardless of how it happens, it's that it happens. And happens it does. To this day, though by the time you get to my age, sometime in my 30s is where this change occurred...

You begin to sort of settle into a more relaxed phase & state, or place in life. Things slow down. And you are able to feel more composed. Less stressed, and distressed--in comparison to how it was before. So while you can still get "rocked," by life every once in awhile. With age, and I guess or suppose maturity, I think... & in the absence of that, just plain old, 'life experience' - so you've been around the block & seen a lot of things. . . You're less phased by many of the things with which you would have been unsettled, and sometimes to a great degree - before.

So I hope I've somewhat answered your question. Even though I took the long, or scenic route, way around. I didn't mean too, but it just happens to be my way, these days. As I have little capacity, or ability to edit, think critically, eliminate or cut thoughts/idea/& chunks (or paragraphs) from my posts. It doesn't take forever, about as long as it takes to type. But it does take a lot of (effort & energy) out of me. So often I am quite spent after it...

By the way, I love all of your emoji's, " " They almost looked like a work of art - in the way that they were patterned, or layed out so symetrically like that! I don't know if it was planned, or just happened that way, but whatever the reason. It looked super-cool! And it reminded me of some of my old posts on here, from some years ago! Anyway... just let me know if you have any more questions, now or ever~

 

[MisterBGone]

Oh? And have you thought of an Autism thread? I don’t know if there already is one, but it couldn’t hurt to have another… Just in which you can invite others to express their ideas, and feelings—thoughts, etc. on either what it’s like to live with autism, or maybe not (even that)~
But more just geared towards having a place to come together and share experiences in or of the world. And then to see if that is in any way fun, or beneficial (helpful)? Here’s the best part: you get to decide what you want to do with it. So you can have it be however you would like it (to be). 😊🤗😉

 

[Innocent Forever]

Hey @MentallyTired7
Yes. I do. I like with self doubt enough that if I let myself I'll doubt every word I say or action I do. I try not to allow it for it's a spiral.

I used to live with an incredible amount of self hatred. What helped me was

- I categorically stopped saying I hate myself. Whenever I thought 'I hate myself' I changed it to the specific trigger 'I hate that I was at the side with no one to talk to' for example.

- I wrote to myself a lot. From the wise part of me to myself. It helped me access other feelings.

I think that's it. I don't love myself. I try accept myself.

Sending love and sparkles

 

[AmberMarie]

i have hated myself as long as i can remember. Even as a very little girl, i hated myself. self-doubt is a nonstop full force as well. All my life i was told to watch what i eat, drink, how i sit, stand, walk, run, what i do, don't do. How everything i think, say and do are a reflection on those i love. i have never been good enough for that type of reflection. i have never been able to look in the mirror more than to make sure my teeth are clean and hair is brushed properly. i Never look At myself, just at the reflection others might see to make sure i am at least somewhat presentable so those i love are not looked down upon because of me. Now i just avoid everyone as much as possible. It's loads easier to avoid them, then to keep trying to be something i can never be.

 

[AmberMarie]

Just to add a bit to my ^^^^ post... i am the product of my own doings. i created who i am. So, in reality, i have no right to feel the way i do and certainly no right to complain... because... i caused everything that i am. That's the mindset i grew up thinking... and that's why it's taken me nearly 52yrs to finally attempt to say something. i came across this place with my very final last stitch effort to find self-help... which i still don't feel or believe i deserve... however i wouldn't be alive right now if i hadn't. i don't see it as a good thing... however, it's a necessary one if i wanted to help my eldest out by watching the grandbaby this next weekend.

 

[1Lefty]

Just to add a bit to my ^^^^ post... i am the product of my own doings. i created who i am. So, in reality, i have no right to feel the way i do and certainly no right to complain... because... i caused everything that i am. That's the mindset i grew up thinking... and that's why it's taken me nearly 52yrs to finally attempt to say something. i came across this place with my very final last stitch effort to find self-help... which i still don't feel or believe i deserve... however i wouldn't be alive right now if i hadn't. i don't see it as a good thing... however, it's a necessary one if i wanted to help my eldest out by watching the grandbaby this next weekend.

You absolutely have a right to feel as you do
And I believe you (or anyone) deserves help, from within, or from outside of yourself
You are worthy
We care



peace

 

[MisterBGone]

@AmberMarie - I worked in a hotel, once. At the front desk. It was a Hampton, 'maybe' they're could have been a future there. "Maybe!" ...but not where I was, and with that polluted & infected staff and a front desk mgr. & g. m., who both fought & sparred vehemently when behind the scenes & behind one another's back: as if they were rivals for the homecoming queen, or something. You were basically, 'split,' or divided into one of the two camps (if you were any good & worth your salt). And then the other one - would basically spend much or most of their time conducting ways to manufacture the head hunting of you, and your (or their) demise. So that was my only downfall. And also, I don't know if I naturally have the inclination to some of the more "anal retentive," qualities that seem to be so thoroughly praised, and universally rewarded around, at least those, or what was "My" parts~!*

@MentallyTired7 - How are you doing lately? I have not heard from you in a little while. I hope all is well, and please do give us an "update," if & when you can! Thanks...

 

[AmberMarie]

I worked in a hotel, once. At the front desk.

i've experienced that same type of issue with immature staff. However, i stuck it out and now we have a small, but amazing staff. The problems weeded themselves out. i'm sry you had that experience. It's not fun and makes one not want to go to work.

 

[MisterBGone]

i've experienced that same type of issue with immature staff. However, i stuck it out and now we have a small, but amazing staff. The problems weeded themselves out. i'm sry you had that experience. It's not fun and makes one not want to go to work.

Well, unfortunately, for me & in my case the problem was almost entirely at the managerial-level: (e. g., GM & FDM).

 

[MisterBGone]

So, if you were one of their, "number ones" - you were (automatically & by default) the others, 'arched-enemy!'
Ex. I was the front desk's #1. So the GM got rid of me (by making a bunch of junk up, that I didn't have the patience, nor stomach to fight for/or over).
The #1 of the gen mgr., she got him up & outta there & after GREAT and EXHAUSTIVE efforts (for he'd been there for 5 yrs., and though a pain in the you know... was probably far & away if not the top employee, than at least in the top two - I was not the other one, by the way. . .) / but that took like 3 set-up

 

[MisterBGone]

sjbgtrb'bvijoseti'o

 

[AmberMarie]

managerial-level:

In my opinion (take it for what it's worth) a manager should help build others up and work to their strengths. The bigger you build up the staff, and the happier they are, the better they work and in turn, the more they want to learn and grow. A manager is only higher up because of knowledge and experience. Without the rest of the staff... a manager is Nothing! Otherwise... everyone is equal. No one is more important than the other. As i said... only my opinion... Not shared by very many...

 

[nicktheundoer]

Hello everyone,

I hope that you all are doing okay…

I myself suffer from self-hatred and self-doubt. Some days I’m greatly troubled by these two things, but other days the self-hatred and self-doubt are definitely manageable. Back in the day I didn’t suffer from self-hatred; a bit of self-doubt yes, but there’s nothing weird about that I think. A big part of what caused these feelings of self-hatred and self-doubt for me, is that I’ve always been a big outcast among people of, or around my own age. Not only that, but also getting bullied and often getting ignored by peers has had it’s effect on me… In the classroom I was like a ghost; people paid zero attention to me and showed basically no interest in me. Most of the time I tried to be kind towards others and tried to show interest in others; sadly I didn’t get that in return. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect at all, but I have a good heart I think. It’s good to add that I have autism I think… . But enough about me now, because I wanted to ask you all a question:

Do you suffer from self-hatred and self-doubt? (Feel free to elaborate on your answer, because I’m interested in everyone their experiences. If you want to just answer with a short ‘yes’ or ‘no’, then that’s totally fine )

If you do, then I just want to say I’m sorry that you do, because self-hatred is simply awful.

I'm so sorry..
No, friend. I don't suffer with self hatred..
I wish you'd love yourself deeply..