Okay, First off~ & for Starters:
@MentallyTired7 - You do not need to apologize to me. Everything is o. k. / And I don't need any explanation for any reason whatsoever! : ) For I am fine, with everything. And I'm not in the least bit upset with you for a delayed response. As I hope I would have said earlier, you didn't even have to give me one--a response--& I'd have been fine, too... So please don't be feeling badly or anything like that. As I don't want you worrying about this (SF) at all, okay?
Now, I'm glad to hear that things are somewhat better now, than they were then, when you'd written previously. However, it still sounds as if there are some challenges at present. That is ok, though. This is to be expected. For all of us. Even if for different reasons, and some of us, many in fact, it would be the same! So I was just wanting to say that I hope you have some sort of an idea, or plan on how you might be able to get some help with these concentration issues. So that you can live a more settled & calm life. One with more ease. And less stress. Easier said than done! I know, and I realize this...
Usually, it takes a good diagnosis into one's condition. Then it takes getting the proper treatment for such care. This can involve medications, commonly, and frequently. It all just depends on what it is. Some people are greatly helped by therapy. Others are not. Some people do both to moderate benefit. While others find one more successful, or helpful in lending them aid, and then the other more of a, "going through the motions" kind or type of a thing. So they can say that they've at least tried to make their best (faith) efforts in order to solve their dilemma. And fight the difficulties present with their diagnosis.
I'm glad that you got something out of what I'd said before. I didn't go back & read it just now, and while I used to have a superb memory, these days it just isn't. It's very, very poor. I am 46, by the way! On your question of self-doubt; & self-hatred. It's a complicated question for sure. I have not felt that way since birth. Not by any means. I'd say it became a more permanent fixture sometime in my early 20's, by my best estimate. So college. And then from there, it kind of just stuck around for a good, long-little while. I'd say mid-30's maybe? Or thereabouts~
Now as to the root cause. I'm sure some of it is just genetics. I was adopted, and so I have no idea or clue as to my biological families' medical history. Then the environmental factors probably kicked in there somewhere along the way, and played a fairly significant role, or part (I'd imagine. . . that they had to have, had?). I've had some bad luck, but who hasn't? I wasn't very smart, nor good in school. This led to not being able to find meaningful work, or a reliable career & occupation with which to keep both me, and my mind occuppied.
With the MDD (major depression), I found it very difficult to hold a job. And when I did, it wasn't a very good, or fulfilling one. In spite of some profound connections formed amongst co-workers, or superiors (& it wasn't always that way, by the way) - but my point is, that I had a lot of fun, for a while, at almost all of them. But when you're working for little money, at a hotel, or a coffee shop, and a restaurant. Or things like that, it can be very difficult to build up enough self-esteem to conquer those feelings of insecurity, which can then lead to the self-doubt; which also may manifest itself into the self-hatred. Or the reverse (order) of those, perhaps? Regardless of how it happens, it's that it happens. And happens it does. To this day, though by the time you get to my age, sometime in my 30s is where this change occurred...
You begin to sort of settle into a more relaxed phase & state, or place in life. Things slow down. And you are able to feel more composed. Less stressed, and distressed--in comparison to how it was before. So while you can still get "rocked," by life every once in awhile. With age, and I guess or suppose maturity, I think... & in the absence of that, just plain old, 'life experience' - so you've been around the block & seen a lot of things. . . You're less phased by many of the things with which you would have been unsettled, and sometimes to a great degree - before.
So I hope I've somewhat answered your question. Even though I took the long, or scenic route, way around. I didn't mean too, but it just happens to be my way, these days. As I have little capacity, or ability to edit, think critically, eliminate or cut thoughts/idea/& chunks (or paragraphs) from my posts. It doesn't take forever, about as long as it takes to type. But it does take a lot of (effort & energy) out of me. So often I am quite spent after it...
By the way, I love all of your emoji's, "
" They almost looked like a work of art - in the way that they were patterned, or layed out so symetrically like that! I don't know if it was planned, or just happened that way, but whatever the reason. It looked super-cool!
And it reminded me of some of my old posts on here, from some years ago! Anyway... just let me know if you have any more questions, now or ever~