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So many questions

C

Congratsbaby

Well-Known Member
#1
#1
I feel lonely
I have thought about leaving this forum quite a lot of times
I have been helped and I am thankful for that but this thing about me is
I am just bad at making surface level connections
I am writing this hoping someone else would find it and relate but it's not reddit or something
People here are struggling
Not like they don't struggle on reddit
I have bad connections with my family
I don't want this to be a pity thing , I just want someone to relate
I am probably posting this wrong
I have lost everyone I ever loved
I have zero friends and that's alright
It is really alright except at times where I think about a lot of things and question if I will ever make connections that will last long
If ever I will be okay with being alone and not need anyone
But humans do need other humans , kinda sucks lol
I think I am on this forum because it's my only source of social support and then I am just so bad at ending it
If I do decide I won't come back on this forum , I probably would because you can't delete your account here
And no no , don't say life is huge and I am young
I understand you by that
The thing though , I am complex and complicated
Struggling , also as I said I can't make surface level connections
Most people hate or are not willing to invest in deep connections
I know people like me exist , read on reddit a bit
But seriously where do we go
I don't even meet enough people
There are no sort of clubs
Our school is too small and the people there almost all share the same mentality which I can't tolerate
Like judging other people , close mindedness , misogynistic views etc etc
I want some solution so I could be okay with being alone
I have heard that when you're okay with being alone then forming other connections is a bonus and not a need and I agree but also humans can't survive without it
So many contradictions
Maybe I will leave this forum some day
It makes me feel full but also a bit empty
But the people who have a lot of friends and they are not deeply connected , don't they feel empty too ?
So what's the point
 
S

SushiGirl

SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
#2
I think I can relate. My opinion on this constantly changes though. I am naturally a loner. Sometimes I want friendships and sometimes I brush people off. But that's just me.

For me having one or two deep friendships helps but it's hard to develope those kind of friendships. I have met several on here. hopefully you can too.
 
C

Congratsbaby

Well-Known Member
#3
#3
SushiGirl said:
I think I can relate. My opinion on this constantly changes though. I am naturally a loner. Sometimes I want friendships and sometimes I brush people off. But that's just me.

For me having one or two deep friendships helps but it's hard to develope those kind of friendships. I have met several on here. hopefully you can too.
Click to expand...
Ahan , I see
Would you like to further discuss why do you brush people off ?
Right , same
I don't want a lot of friendships even though maybe they would be nice for me each one of them have to be deep .
Thankyou , there are some people but then again I get attached to them and this site is anonymous so you're not supposed to share your whereabouts not like I care much about the rules , don't take it wrong . I do respect but I am just saying that if you want to then you can share whereabouts here and become friends in general but I know most people don't want to do that which obviously I respect. It's a thing with me , I form attachment easily once I saw some quality in someone that attracts me .
 
Licorice

Licorice

Well-Known Member
#4
#4
We all long for deep connections, I think, and we're all afraid of rejection, judgement, or being hurt.

I was my happiest when I lived in a tiny community in the middle of nowhere in the centre of Africa. Regardless of whether we liked each other, we all had to get on, which meant we looked for the best in each other (most of the time). We weren't always friends, but we were something else.... Comrades, maybe. Since we're apes, I think nature has designed us to live in small kinship bands, like a small village, bound together by bonds not just of friendship but of mutual dependence. Modern life is consciously designed to separate us from each other, pit us against each other, and encourage us to look for emotional fulfilment instead in things we can buy. It's no wonder so many people are so lonely.
 
C

Congratsbaby

Well-Known Member
#5
#5
Licorice said:
We all long for deep connections, I think, and we're all afraid of rejection, judgement, or being hurt.

I was my happiest when I lived in a tiny community in the middle of nowhere in the centre of Africa. Regardless of whether we liked each other, we all had to get on, which meant we looked for the best in each other (most of the time). We weren't always friends, but we were something else.... Comrades, maybe. Since we're apes, I think nature has designed us to live in small kinship bands, like a small village, bound together by bonds not just of friendship but of mutual dependence. Modern life is consciously designed to separate us from each other, pit us against each other, and encourage us to look for emotional fulfilment instead in things we can buy. It's no wonder so many people are so lonely.
Click to expand...
You're right. Also what you just described about your happiest times sound so beautiful to me , like fictional . Thankyou for sharing it and I am glad it was the happiest time period for you.
If not deep connections , to form connections which are let's say are more formal or not that close like acquaintances , in those connections what you have just described is what I long for.
Everyone is welcomed. Don't we all want that ? Acceptance. Obviously if it's not causing anyone harm in a true sense.
But it's nice to know I am not alone..
I have seen people afraid of such firsthand and my only wish that goes is that they chose me over their fear.
But that's easier said than done and at last it's their choice and I don't like to force connections.
 
Licorice

Licorice

Well-Known Member
#6
#6
My ideal is something like a religious community - people living together side by side, supporting each other, working towards shared goals. I probably belong in a commune! I would have loved kibbutz living. I have an online friend who lives in a Tibetan Buddhist centre in the USA. They take it in turns to cook breakfast for 40 people. She works for the centre. But it's not all communal; they have their private living spaces and their free time to pursue their own interests. She likes to play video games when she's not working.
 
Last edited:
C

Congratsbaby

Well-Known Member
#7
#7
Licorice said:
My ideal is something like a religious community - people living together side by side, supporting each other, working towards shared goals. I probably belong in a commune! I would have loved kibbutz living. I have an online friend who lives in a Tibetan Buddhist centre in the USA. They take it in turns to cook breakfast for 40 people. She works for the centre. But it's not all communal; they have their private living spaces and their free time to pursue their own interests. She likes to play video games when she's not working.
Click to expand...
Damn that's amazing! I hope you will be able to live like that someday.
Would you like to share what's preventing you ?
 
N

numb369

Member
#9
#9
Ive always longed to live in a different society than the one we are forced to live in.
People today are sick, yet they dont know it because everything is based around money and social status.
We dont need any of this to be happy. We only need our basic needs to be met, and most of all LOVE !
Yet most people are too busy caught up in the chaos of everyday life to truly open their hearts and realise what truly matters.
I think this is why there is a great shortage of people who we can truly connect with on a deep level.
Im a loner because Ive been hurt too many times for no good reason by others, yet I still yearn for a deep connection with others.
Im sorry you are feeling a similar way too.
Big hugs.
 
C

Congratsbaby

Well-Known Member
#10
#10
Licorice said:
Well, I'm not a Buddhist, and I'm pretty old - 65. I don't know what I'd have to contribute to such a community.
Click to expand...
Ahh I see , but you know in my opinion ( I can be wrong and you can correct me with facts ) Buddhists are very welcoming people. Maybe they will allow you to live with them. Also , even if you cannot contribute anything I think they will still be welcoming. Would you like to know more about Buddhism or you would just want to stay with them in tranquility ?
 
C

Congratsbaby

Well-Known Member
#11
#11
numb369 said:
Ive always longed to live in a different society than the one we are forced to live in.
People today are sick, yet they dont know it because everything is based around money and social status.
We dont need any of this to be happy. We only need our basic needs to be met, and most of all LOVE !
Yet most people are too busy caught up in the chaos of everyday life to truly open their hearts and realise what truly matters.
I think this is why there is a great shortage of people who we can truly connect with on a deep level.
Im a loner because Ive been hurt too many times for no good reason by others, yet I still yearn for a deep connection with others.
Im sorry you are feeling a similar way too.
Big hugs.
Click to expand...
I agree with you so much. People have become too materialistic. Also the systems are fucked up. I understand that's why people are not willing to invest in deep relationships but as @Licorice mentioned we all yearn for deep connections. I am sorry you have been hurt so many times that it has made you close your heart , it's not easy. It creates this fear inside your amygdala. You become scared to be close to people , you get trust issues and much more. I hope you will find connections that will make you more happy and at peace. I hope you develop that sort of connection with yourself foremost , I personally think that is most important. And I wish you well. Thankyou for the big hugs , sending them back. Also you and @Licorice
You ladies are so mature and beautiful
I feel touched , usually the females in the society I live in are not open minded , feminists as their age goes up
But it's amazing to see you both and I am genuinely grateful for this interaction. Thankyou truly , I hope you both take good care of yourselves 🥰
 
N

numb369

Member
#12
#12
Congratsbaby said:
I agree with you so much. People have become too materialistic. Also the systems are fucked up. I understand that's why people are not willing to invest in deep relationships but as @Licorice mentioned we all yearn for deep connections. I am sorry you have been hurt so many times that it has made you close your heart , it's not easy. It creates this fear inside your amygdala. You become scared to be close to people , you get trust issues and much more. I hope you will find connections that will make you more happy and at peace. I hope you develop that sort of connection with yourself foremost , I personally think that is most important. And I wish you well. Thankyou for the big hugs , sending them back. Also you and @Licorice
You ladies are so mature and beautiful
I feel touched , usually the females in the society I live in are not open minded , feminists as their age goes up
But it's amazing to see you both and I am genuinely grateful for this interaction. Thankyou truly , I hope you both take good care of yourselves 🥰
Click to expand...
Thank you, and take care of yourself too.
 
Licorice

Licorice

Well-Known Member
#13
#13
Congratsbaby said:
I agree with you so much. People have become too materialistic. Also the systems are fucked up. I understand that's why people are not willing to invest in deep relationships but as @Licorice mentioned we all yearn for deep connections. I am sorry you have been hurt so many times that it has made you close your heart , it's not easy. It creates this fear inside your amygdala. You become scared to be close to people , you get trust issues and much more. I hope you will find connections that will make you more happy and at peace. I hope you develop that sort of connection with yourself foremost , I personally think that is most important. And I wish you well. Thankyou for the big hugs , sending them back. Also you and @Licorice
You ladies are so mature and beautiful
I feel touched , usually the females in the society I live in are not open minded , feminists as their age goes up
But it's amazing to see you both and I am genuinely grateful for this interaction. Thankyou truly , I hope you both take good care of yourselves 🥰
Click to expand...
Thank you Congratsbaby! I've always been interested in Buddhism, so I wouldn't at all mind spending my senior years studying it and learning more about it.
 
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