So tired of being friendless and alone

[alice202]

I try, I really do. But my efforts don't seem to result in anything.
I met a woman who is my age and has a dog. We talk a lot when we run into each other outside. On two occasions I have invited her to do something and both times she was busy. She hasn't invited me. Yesterday I left her a voice mail and wanted to talk - she sent a message back just now, no call.
I get to know people and then they move away. I may make the effort to stay in touch, but they don't.
I make lists of things I could do to meet people, but I've done it all before and it still seems fruitless.
I lost my job 2 months ago.
I am as alone as I have ever been in my life. I can't find anyone to talk to.
So I watch tv and movies all the time.
It all seems so useless.
Alice

 

[may71]

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone. I think people say it's harder to make friends when you're older. Also, it seems like social norms are tending toward wanting to keep people at arms length these days, but that's just my impression.

I hope SF gives you some support at least.

Sending hugs if you would like hugs

 

[cymbele]

I know. I feel the same way. I've been going to Meetups for years and sometimes I feel alone in the midst of a group chatting around me. I went to a 4th of July party one year and while some I knew said hi, that was the extent of the conversation. People don't understand why I don't have a significant other - it is not for a lack of trying (although I have given up nowadays) but I haven't been able to meet with anyone they are all busy.

All I am saying is that I understand. And while SF is good it doesn't replace real life contact.

 

[alice202]

I hope SF gives you some support at least.

Sending hugs if you would like hugs

Thanks Mr. May

I know. I feel the same way. I've been going to Meetups for years and sometimes I feel alone in the midst of a group chatting around me. I went to a 4th of July party one year and while some I knew said hi, that was the extent of the conversation. People don't understand why I don't have a significant other - it is not for a lack of trying (although I have given up nowadays) but I haven't been able to meet with anyone they are all busy.

Cymbele: Heck, I've even started a Meetup. But it fizzled out after 6 months. I know there are a lot of people in the same boat, but knowing that doesn't help. I am afraid of online dating - I guess I have watched too many crime shows where girls and women are murdered. So, I live in my head.

Alice

 

[seabird]

hi Alice
Sorry about how this is happening to you and millions of other people as well.
I'd be happy to be your friend, and if we lived in close enough to one another would meet. I don't have my car back yet but am working on that happening.

- s

 

[alice202]

Thanks seabird.

Alice

 

[Gard]

I am as alone as I have ever been in my life. I can't find anyone to talk to.
So I watch tv and movies all the time.

Quite a few people enjoy pleasant and easy conversation. Even if it's just talking to people on the street. It won't work with everyone, but many won't mind.
(in my experience)

Also, it seems like social norms are tending toward wanting to keep people at arms length these days, but that's just my impression.

Divide and conquer. In my opinion, someone is doing this deliberately.

 

[Gonz]

It used to be easy. Go to a coffee shop or wherever. Become a regular, get to know the other regulars, poof, you’re part of a social group.

Now the people just aren’t there. I’ll go to a coffee shop, or gallery, or park or whatever, and I’ll be the only one there. Maybe if it’s a place that serves food or drink, there’ll be a steady stream of take-out customers, but that’s it.

Nobody just hangs out anymore, nobody wants to meet anyone. Those who do are vocal enough, I guess, but they must make up a small minority because they’re nowhere to be found in real life.

 

[alice202]

It used to be easy. Go to a coffee shop or wherever. Become a regular, get to know the other regulars, poof, you’re part of a social group.

Now the people just aren’t there. I’ll go to a coffee shop, or gallery, or park or whatever, and I’ll be the only one there. Maybe if it’s a place that serves food or drink, there’ll be a steady stream of take-out customers, but that’s it.

Nobody just hangs out anymore, nobody wants to meet anyone. Those who do are vocal enough, I guess, but they must make up a small minority because they’re nowhere to be found in real life.

Everyone takes their phone everywhere they go, and engages in constant conversation with an invisible stranger. If you try to start a conversation, you're interrupting.

 

[Lifeisthis]

s

 

[alice202]

A couple of months have gone by. Nothing has changed except that my apartment complex has come under new ownership... so a lot of people who I used to talk to are unhappy and are moving out.
I am unemployed.
I have been in some pain this summer because of my shoulder and I am finally having surgery next Friday. I am going to try to get out more this fall and meet people.
Alice

 

[Inastorm]

That sounds postive.

 

[may71]

I hope the surgery will go well and that things in general will work out.

 

[seabird]

I have been in some pain this summer because of my shoulder and I am finally having surgery next Friday.

Sorry about the pain. That's good you have the courage to have the surgery. Let us know how it goes. Best of luck and health to you for your shoulder. What are you planning for the fall, or just generally going out more?

 

[KM76710]

Wishing you the best for your surgery and the getting out and about with other people.

 

[alice202]

I had the surgery almost 12 days ago and I am now pain free. I can move my arm much better than before.

I have been unemployed almost 5 months now and have had zero interviews. I've had some contact with recruiters but nothing came of it. I work at it every single day. I'm getting worried about my financial situation.

The loneliness is worse than ever. In the last two days, two more people from my apartment complex who I've been friendly with have told me they are leaving. That makes about 10 people since the new owners bought the building. The rent has gone up and people are angry, so they are leaving.

The primary way I used to meet people is through the neighborhood and the dog park. Because of my dog's bad behavior I don't go to the city parks any more. The new landlord did put up a small fenced in area for the dogs. There is only one other dog I feel ok having in there with him, but 99% of the time its empty anyway. So he is getting a chance to run in that park several times a day, and that's good.

There is nothing to stop me from getting out more. I think about going back to church or to the gym and I just don't do it. I know that there are lonely people everywhere but for some reason I can't find someone to have coffee with.

Its a trap of my own making.


Alice.

 

[seabird]

Glad to hear you're done with surgery and recovery. Great that the pain is gone and you have more freedome of movement!

I hope something turns up for your job search soon. What about part time work at the gym?

Good to see you posting @alice202. I hope you feel better and as soon as possible.

 

[KM76710]

I am glad to hear about the surgery and feeling better. That is one less issue and hopefully you will be able to concentrate a lot more and find improvements on other things that you are concerned with.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

Hi @alice202 , glad your recovery is going well. Do you go to gym for strengthening ? Might help meet others.
I am in a few online groups from my city. Both have offered invites to meet neighbors in the area. Coffee, breakfast, board games, hiking. I think it could be worth trying. You can pm me if you’d like to know the platforms I’ve seen this in. (I don’t think I say them.)
🦩🦩🦩

 

[cymbele]

Hi @alice202 . I feel the same way even though I have two very good friends but they have families and I don't see them very often I used to go go the gym but in the weight lifting circuit everyone is doing their thing. but the exercise clases people get to be social. But the gyms cost money.

My city has a walking program on Fridays at nine where they walk together - retirees and other people. I only did it for a short time when I was unemployed but I noticed the women were friendly and had developed friendships from walking together for so long. Maybe your parks and recreation dept has something similar. Just a suggestion. My library has some slow exercise programs. My senior center has a lot of activities but it costs$40/year. You have to be 50 y old to join. But in the short time I was unemployed I met and chatted with others. Another lifeline.

Just some suggestions. I am part time retired so I will utilize all these things to keep going. I'm scared to retire fully.