So tired of my narcissistic manager

[BarryW]

Sounds like someone is basically filing the report for you since they were typing up what you shared for an hour.
With 3 people reporting him in a few weeks, I feel HR is absolutely going to look into that. Otherwise it would be time to get a new HR team.
Thanks for the updates. Hoping for a good conclusion to all this.

 

[alice202]

Update: So I had a follow up meeting with the female manager today. She told me that she and the HR person had met with the narcissist and confronted him about all the things I had told her. I gather he mostly defended himself by talking about how hard his job is and why he does the things he does. He's a smooth talker, and I can picture him not admitting to anything. She asked me how things were now, and I told her that there were no new incidents to report but that the group is still under a lot of pressure. And then she told me that he is under a lot of pressure too and she wants to support all of her people (he reports to her too). And she said he isn't in any trouble at all.

There was a 3rd person planning to talk to her today about the narcissist. I am afraid she (the female manager) has already made up her mind that this is "he says/she says". I am glad that she talked to him, and I think this will stop the egregious behaviors. But I still think he's a really lousy manager who should be fired. And that's not going to happen unless somebody at a higher level has a problem with him. So, I'm not holding my breath.

Its unfortunate that you hardly ever know what kind of a situation you're getting into. I am looking for other jobs - but I don't want to go from the frying pan into the fire.

Alice

 

[KM76710]

I hope that HR speaking to him will give him a wake up call on his behavior and may be on their radar for the future if things continue like they have.

 

[BarryW]

That is disappointing to hear that he is not 'in trouble'. I hope you are right, that since he has been talked to now, he will tone down his behavior.

Since it seems to be clear to everyone that the team is under a lot of pressure - maybe this will spark conversations about how to reduce that pressure. It's one thing to have high pressure for a couple days or a week. But high pressure for months or years on end is unsustainable.

If nothing else, the good news is you don't have to sit with all these bottled feelings ready to explode. The explosion is over.. and hopefully doesn't have to happen again regarding this person.

Wishing you the best with either improving your current work situation, or finding a new place that is better for you. You're right, you don't know what a place is like until you start working there.

 

[alice202]

That is disappointing to hear that he is not 'in trouble'. I hope you are right, that since he has been talked to now, he will tone down his behavior.

Since it seems to be clear to everyone that the team is under a lot of pressure - maybe this will spark conversations about how to reduce that pressure. It's one thing to have high pressure for a couple days or a week. But high pressure for months or years on end is unsustainable.

If nothing else, the good news is you don't have to sit with all these bottled feelings ready to explode. The explosion is over.. and hopefully doesn't have to happen again regarding this person.

Wishing you the best with either improving your current work situation, or finding a new place that is better for you. You're right, you don't know what a place is like until you start working there.

Thanks, Barry.