Some here get more responses than others, why?

[LetItGo]

MJ, could you please elaborate on this? How can you tell?

I don't think Can you really blame some people here for being that way, many of us here are suffering very much and may want many to pay attention to us, especially when I'm betting they get very little or none in their life. They may be very lonely or driven off their friends and loved ones because of their depression and suicidal thoughts/actions.

I totally understand the desire for "attention", see the term "attention whore" is a negative because it implies pampering, to be indulged, and to be fair thats not necessarily what I feel a lot of people want. People want to be noticed, want to feel a "part" of this community, want to have their stories heard, their thoughts and emotions, validated.

For some, just being noticed is a rarity so they forcefully put forward their thoughts, sometimes "rant", and get labelled an "attention whore", when really they just want some feedback. Others though, really do reach the level of "attention whore" when they constantly "rant", establish a clear pattern over a substantial period of time, and usually talk about the same thing over and over, and the key sign of an "attention whore" ? DEMANDING replies. It all goes pear shaped for them though because people just get sick of it, people switch off and start totally ignoring their posts.

I just want to come back to this word - "validated". See thats another question, do people always want their position approved? agreed upon? can people tolerate criticism. When does criticism start becoming harsh and destructive, rather than constructive and still supportive. I see a lot validation going on, but very little criticism.

People also want sympathy, and honestly I believe everyone wants sympathy even if they say they dont. They say they dont because sometimes its associated with cheap replies, full of :hug: :cheekkiss etc. but even a :hug: is better than nothing, and how many times have you seen people go on the offensive because someone replies with a simple :hug: sure it happens, but not very often. They want sympathy.

So what is fair and reasonable?

- recognition of a persons post
- feedback, preferably more than a :hug:
- potential solutions to their problem/s, sometimes its not easy
- sympathy, if we feel sympathetic
- criticism, if we feel its warranted and if it might actually help in the long run

Ill be honest, 90% of the time we cant hope to achieve all those things, but recognition for everyone would be a good start.

Anywayz im all talk, in fact im very little talk lol, this is probably my longest reply to a post for quite some time. Practice what I preach, but dont expect me too :tongue:

 

[Dave_N]

Hi Rahul. I can relate to a lot of what you're going through, thus I have replied to many of your threads. But I think your situation is more unique than many others on SF, thus people may seem hesitant to reply. Having said that, I think that people who have been on SF for a while have their own group of friends who like to respond to their threads.

 

[HappyAZaClaM]

I totally understand the desire for "attention", see the term "attention whore" is a negative because it implies pampering, to be indulged, and to be fair thats not necessarily what I feel a lot of people want. People want to be noticed, want to feel a "part" of this community, want to have their stories heard, their thoughts and emotions, validated.

For some, just being noticed is a rarity so they forcefully put forward their thoughts, sometimes "rant", and get labelled an "attention whore", when really they just want some feedback. Others though, really do reach the level of "attention whore" when they constantly "rant", establish a clear pattern over a substantial period of time, and usually talk about the same thing over and over, and the key sign of an "attention whore" ? DEMANDING replies. It all goes pear shaped for them though because people just get sick of it, people switch off and start totally ignoring their posts.

I just want to come back to this word - "validated". See thats another question, do people always want their position approved? agreed upon? can people tolerate criticism. When does criticism start becoming harsh and destructive, rather than constructive and still supportive. I see a lot validation going on, but very little criticism.

People also want sympathy, and honestly I believe everyone wants sympathy even if they say they dont. They say they dont because sometimes its associated with cheap replies, full of :hug: :cheekkiss etc. but even a :hug: is better than nothing, and how many times have you seen people go on the offensive because someone replies with a simple :hug: sure it happens, but not very often. They want sympathy.

So what is fair and reasonable?

- recognition of a persons post
- feedback, preferably more than a :hug:
- potential solutions to their problem/s, sometimes its not easy
- sympathy, if we feel sympathetic
- criticism, if we feel its warranted and if it might actually help in the long run

Ill be honest, 90% of the time we cant hope to achieve all those things, but recognition for everyone would be a good start.

Anywayz im all talk, in fact im very little talk lol, this is probably my longest reply to a post for quite some time. Practice what I preach, but dont expect me too :tongue:

see the term "attention whore" is a negative because it implies pampering, to be indulged etc..etc..

was referring to moi, not him :unsure: sorry if you took it wrong.

it was attempted levity anyway. as usual, lost on those who beheld
it's brilliant levity-ness :biggrin:

 

[HappyAZaClaM]

Haha, I had just noticed that but you posted it before I got to. :laugh:
But I think its because others are replying here concerned about the same thing, that they aren't getting enough attention here.
I hope I'm not being an attention whore as you were mentioning earlier. Do you think that HappyAZaClaM? :unsure: :unsure:

I meant ME! ME ME ME ME ME!!!!!!!!! it's about ME here dammit!!!:biggrin:

no, I really didn;t mean it the way you thought at all :unsure:

sorry! no, I really didn't. I was just goofing around. made ya laugh :biggrin:

but no, not you. ME=attention whore, not Rahul. ok? cool :smile:

 

[HappyAZaClaM]

I also sometimes feel that some people get more attention and replies due to popularity. Sometimes I read threads and I see they have no replies at all. There are many little ignored fish here.

I sometimes want to post something to them but then I don't know what to say. :mellow: Most of the time I will type out a reply but then end up not posting it. :laugh:

it's not easy. some people are really hurting. it's hard to know the right
thing to say, or if anything is the right thing. if I see a post that has zero
replies, I try to say something, even if it's stupid. "hold on, there'll be
a grownup here any minute now :biggrin:" or anything, so someone else
will hopefully chime in.

like you, I often don't know what to say....

 

[fromthatshow]

I don't believe it is due to popularity. Those that are active around the site may illicit more respomses simply because more people are familiar with their issues and may feel more comfortable in replying to them. Some threads you just don't know what to say or don't feel you are in a position to respond to so you steer away. I have noticed that members stop replying as much to repeated posts from the same individual When they say the same things over and over again, never accepting what has already been offered up, the member wonders why they should bother replying when they have not been listened to anyway. The reasons are as varied as the members are.
You asked if it was okay to bump a thread. Absolutely. If you are still looking for answers or support and the issues haven't changed, bump it. Someone may have a new idea or thought.

Exactly

For me, I just reply to whatever threads where I feel I can help the most.

 

[TheBLA]

Hmm like DaveN had said, maybe my situation is more unique than others here so there's not many here that can relate to me and give helpful responses?

 

[XXXXX]

I don't want to get sucked into someone else's problems - so I tend to stick to threads which have no or little potential for emotional involvement.

In practice that seems to be threads on sex and god :tongue:

I also like posts that show a sense of humour - not always an easy requirement to meet on SF.com :tongue: But I reckon if yer can't laugh about wanting to kill yerself then life simply ain't worth living :biggrin:

And finally - if the poster seems like a youngster from content or writing style then I don't tend to respond - I'm a 40 (ish :sad year old bloke and figure that could easily get misinterpreted for all the right intentions - especially on a forum full of nutjobs :blink: (me included :tongue.

 

[Anime-Zodiac]

I can only speak for myself. I reply to as many threads as I can within the time limit I have. I certainly have noticed some users consistently getting more responses then others. Popularity is definitely a factor.

 

[HappyAZaClaM]

Hmm like DaveN had said, maybe my situation is more unique than others here so there's not many here that can relate to me and give helpful responses?

well, anyway Rahul, I was most certainly not calling you an attention whore.
you really don't act anything like one at all, really!!!

I do, and that's what I meant. oh well, alls well that ends well :unsure:

 

[Snowman]

it's not easy. some people are really hurting. it's hard to know the right
thing to say, or if anything is the right thing. if I see a post that has zero
replies, I try to say something, even if it's stupid. "hold on, there'll be
a grownup here any minute now :biggrin:" or anything, so someone else
will hopefully chime in.

like you, I often don't know what to say....

I don't usually post because I don't know :unsure: I find it kind of awkward. I always feel that I'm going to say something wrong. And also, I always think that I'm going to post something totally irrelevant to what the thread is talking about. :laugh: That's why I like posting in The Coffee House. But even in there, I have to triple check all my posts before I actually post it.

 

[HappyAZaClaM]

I don't usually post because I don't know :unsure: I find it kind of awkward. I always feel that I'm going to say something wrong. And also, I always think that I'm going to post something totally irrelevant to what the thread is talking about. :laugh: That's why I like posting in The Coffee House. But even in there, I have to triple check all my posts before I actually post it.

know what ya mean. you old enough to drink yet? if not, don't :unsure:

if yes? it helps with the posting heebie jeebies :biggrin:

I do understand what you mean. it's impossible to always know
the right thing to say. or even ever know, really. eh...I dunno.
take a chance? there's a lot of people here. I wouldn't worry about it.
someone will post to a postless post. do whatever feels right!
nothing wrong in holding back if you aren't sure.

 

[FoundAndLost1]

Hey Rahul - great thread...And despite your shyness (hesitancy), it's good to see you posting. :smile:

Me I'm not much into the 'popularity' aspects either - and yes, some are more forward and open than others. Maybe that's to their credit - or maybe as well, they do steal the spotlight. I guess it's just like any other aspect of life and human nature. I read many posts - and I like to think the "#of views" counts as much as anything. I'm also one of those, that if i don't know what to say, I will say nothing instead of just posting for the sake of hearing my own voice. I personally hate platitudes, so i don't dish 'em out. But i don't mind being "a witness" to someone else's trials. All I can often hope for is that by reading, I've shared some part of another's journey - and that it might matter to them as well...

 

[XXXXX]

I nearly forgot..........

A while back I started a thread about Cheese. and only got 9 replies and 46 views.

I was gutted :rolleyes:

What is your favourite Cheese?

I even posted a picture.........

 

[special_needs]

Well, it depends a lot on who posts.