I'm not sure where I'm going with this so sorry in advance. Tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of the Columbine high school shooting. I only remember one thing from that day. I was in last period class, math which was my weakest subject. I was just sitting at my desk trying to figure out a problem when I realized this guy, who sat next to me, and this girl, who normally sat elsewhere in class, was sitting on the other side of me. I didn't look at them back, but them just looking at me was rather uncomfortable. I tried to keep my attention on the math problem and ended up resting the side of my face in my hand. For whatever asinine reason, this caused both of them to burst out laughing. I had dealt with them before. A few months prior, the girl was sitting in the back of class just talking about me along with some other students. Just saying all kinds of things like how something was wrong with me and how stupid I was. I believed this to be true, especially since she was so smart. Apparently, she was also shy, so I assume making fun of me was a way to “get out of her shell”. Good for her, I guess. Not so much for me.
The guy, James, was also smart. For whatever reason he was always looking at me. There was this asshole who sat behind me, usually talking shit about me like I was stupid or talking about my cheap shoes. James would be there, just looking at me, with this really annoying laugh. He reminded me of that one creature in return of the Jedi, who sat on or around Jabba the Hutt.
I guess I just accepted being called names. There was another girl, Latisha in another class,never ceased telling the person sitting behind her how stupid I was. It was as if she and others who picked on me wanted me to hear them. Like I said, I accepted this, but I did not like it, but I was never sure what to do.
The shooting took place on a Tuesday. I don't remember what I was watching, but whatever it was got interrupted by the news of the shooting. I'm not sure if I felt anything while watching it. I don't think I thought too much about it at the time. But that changed the next day at school. At the bus stop,I saw a girl look over at me and whisper something to another girl. No idea what it was. Maybe it was nothing to do with me I thought.
In my second period class the subject eventually changed from learning French to what happened the day before. Two guys Justin and Terry, who wore the mantle of “asshole” like a badge of honor, didn't miss a beat making idiotic jokes about Columbine. One of the speculations at the time was that the two shooters were part of some group called The trenchcoat mafia. This was later proven as false along with a bunch of other bullshit people assumed at the time. At one point, Terry, who standing over me started singing “trenchcoat mafia” over and over again. I hated the hell out of my peripheral vision because I could see this tall jackass pointing over my head as he kept singing his broken record song. Justin, who sat across the other side of class, joined in, laughing as his dipshit friend kept being a dipshit. Then the teacher asked what everyone thought of the victims, both Justin and Terry immediately said that they didn’t care as they didn’t know the people who died. On one hand, I kind of understood what they meant as sometimes it can be difficult to empathize with a tragedy if it didn’t affect you directly or personally. On the other hand, these two were just straight up disrespectful pieces of shit who didn’t care about how they treated others but somehow felt entitled to respect. There was this one time, about a month or so after the shootings where my French teacher just had this totally laid back class about I guess just being honest. Like things such as if you’re not feeling okay, say so instead of pretending you’re fine. For some reason, Justin, Terry and some other people weren’t in class that day. And with them not there, the teacher took that opportunity to vent about Justin and Terry. She talked about how disrespectful they were and just were very negative people. I remember thinking while it was great that she noticed them being assholes, it made me angry that she said all this pretty much in secret. Like, there was just nothing that could be done about it and it was okay for them to act the way they did.
Meanwhile, the rest of that school year was difficult for me. It seemed like at least once or twice a week, the topic of Columbine was being brought up. And maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad, but all that was ever really said was things like “but what if someone does that here?” or “ it’s always the quiet ones.” and then proceed to look at me, as if they were expecting me to prove them right or something. And that was what I hated which was you either had people who used the shooting to make dumbass jokes and others who seriously would look at you as if you would do this as well.
I’m sorry as I started writing this I was sure for a moment where I wanted to go with it, but then it just got to be very overwhelming. I’m sorry as this probably doesn’t make sense. I didn’t mean to sound selfish as I know I was not directly affected by what happened. But I hated how much stupidity and ignorance came out of this tragedy.
The guy, James, was also smart. For whatever reason he was always looking at me. There was this asshole who sat behind me, usually talking shit about me like I was stupid or talking about my cheap shoes. James would be there, just looking at me, with this really annoying laugh. He reminded me of that one creature in return of the Jedi, who sat on or around Jabba the Hutt.
I guess I just accepted being called names. There was another girl, Latisha in another class,never ceased telling the person sitting behind her how stupid I was. It was as if she and others who picked on me wanted me to hear them. Like I said, I accepted this, but I did not like it, but I was never sure what to do.
The shooting took place on a Tuesday. I don't remember what I was watching, but whatever it was got interrupted by the news of the shooting. I'm not sure if I felt anything while watching it. I don't think I thought too much about it at the time. But that changed the next day at school. At the bus stop,I saw a girl look over at me and whisper something to another girl. No idea what it was. Maybe it was nothing to do with me I thought.
In my second period class the subject eventually changed from learning French to what happened the day before. Two guys Justin and Terry, who wore the mantle of “asshole” like a badge of honor, didn't miss a beat making idiotic jokes about Columbine. One of the speculations at the time was that the two shooters were part of some group called The trenchcoat mafia. This was later proven as false along with a bunch of other bullshit people assumed at the time. At one point, Terry, who standing over me started singing “trenchcoat mafia” over and over again. I hated the hell out of my peripheral vision because I could see this tall jackass pointing over my head as he kept singing his broken record song. Justin, who sat across the other side of class, joined in, laughing as his dipshit friend kept being a dipshit. Then the teacher asked what everyone thought of the victims, both Justin and Terry immediately said that they didn’t care as they didn’t know the people who died. On one hand, I kind of understood what they meant as sometimes it can be difficult to empathize with a tragedy if it didn’t affect you directly or personally. On the other hand, these two were just straight up disrespectful pieces of shit who didn’t care about how they treated others but somehow felt entitled to respect. There was this one time, about a month or so after the shootings where my French teacher just had this totally laid back class about I guess just being honest. Like things such as if you’re not feeling okay, say so instead of pretending you’re fine. For some reason, Justin, Terry and some other people weren’t in class that day. And with them not there, the teacher took that opportunity to vent about Justin and Terry. She talked about how disrespectful they were and just were very negative people. I remember thinking while it was great that she noticed them being assholes, it made me angry that she said all this pretty much in secret. Like, there was just nothing that could be done about it and it was okay for them to act the way they did.
Meanwhile, the rest of that school year was difficult for me. It seemed like at least once or twice a week, the topic of Columbine was being brought up. And maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad, but all that was ever really said was things like “but what if someone does that here?” or “ it’s always the quiet ones.” and then proceed to look at me, as if they were expecting me to prove them right or something. And that was what I hated which was you either had people who used the shooting to make dumbass jokes and others who seriously would look at you as if you would do this as well.
I’m sorry as I started writing this I was sure for a moment where I wanted to go with it, but then it just got to be very overwhelming. I’m sorry as this probably doesn’t make sense. I didn’t mean to sound selfish as I know I was not directly affected by what happened. But I hated how much stupidity and ignorance came out of this tragedy.
