• Apologies for the issue with a bizarre redirect on the site earlier today. There was a large server update and an error in an IP address had the traffic routing wrongly. No hacking or anything nefarious and nothing to worry about. Sorry for any stress/anxiety caused. Very best wishes - SF Admin

Stepfather

#1
Its been almost 1 1/5 years since you died. But i close my eyes and imagine you here, holding your cup of coffee. You came in to my life when i was 4 years old. I looked up to you, you were my role model. Then i start getting older, and you and my mom got a child together. I always told myself that you liked me just as much as you liked your biological child. I dont know when it happened, you just started acting different, distant, cold. Then one day you got diagnosed with cancer, melanoma. That fucked me up a bit. You and my mom were fighting all the time, and my mind was in a dark place. I started smoking and selfharming. When my mom saw it she told me to stop. Very efficient right?! She didnt even think to ask why or if I needed help. And you? You used to care about me, you never even asked why or got angry about it. Like it didn’t bother you that i was in a bad place. Later that year you got diagnosed with brain tumours. You were so sick from all the chemo.. all you did was lay in bed. The times when you felt better, you didn’t bother to interact with me, but you treated my sister (his biological daughter) like a princess and you did everything for her. For that i am happy, that gave her good memories with your good side. Theres two particular days that I remember: that day when you made dinner for us three and took your plate and hers, and sat by the living room, you didn’t even want to sit with me. The other day was when we were at the hospital and you laid on the bed, and my mom and my sister laid beside you. I just sat on a chair by the corner and felt like an outsider. All i wanted was for you to care about me, but you only made me feel like a burden. You damaged me. I didn’t realise until a few days ago, but ive been ruining my relationships with family and friends, because I’m scared that my love is too much, and that I’m unwanted. So i always pull away, I don’t ever want to feel like you made me feel again. As if i “need” someone and they don’t even want me back. I feel foolish and stupid. And here i am, crying, ill never know if your change of behaviour was because of the brain tumour or just because you never liked me. Life just isn’t same anymore. The year you died I started getting anxiety, and this summer i started getting anxiety attacks. I get these moments where i feel like nothings real and that im in a dream, and this feeling just doesn’t go away. You were the one that i came to for advice, and now i always feel lost.
 
#2
Sorry that you're going through this Daisyflower.

It's terrible that he pulled away like that. It's not fair to you at all.
You came in to my life when i was 4 years old. I looked up to you, you were my role model. Then i start getting older, and you and my mom got a child together
How old were you when the new child came? How do you feel about your half-sister?
 
#4
Sorry that you're going through this Daisyflower.

It's terrible that he pulled away like that. It's not fair to you at all.

How old were you when the new child came? How do you feel about your half-sister?
I was 10 when she was born, i love her very much, i dont blame her for anything. I always tried to help my stepfather with picking her up from daycare etc, he never seemed to notice that i tried.
 
#5
It's hard to unravel why he behaved the way he did without hearing it directly from him. I think the favoring of a biological child may be a common thing, though it's also something very unfair and confusing to a child, especially for a child like you were that looked up to him so much. Your stepfather also seemed to take favoritism to a really extreme level.

I wonder if his fighting with your mother could be part of why he was like that.
i love her very much, i dont blame her for anything
Have you talked to her about how you feel?
 
#6
Yeah, i told her many times. She was hurt too by his change. Sometimes i blame her for letting him in in our lives, but I know that’s kinda wrong:/
 
#9
it feels stupid to bring it up
It's not stupid though. Your relationship with him and how his changes effected you were important.

Do you really thing they'd get annoyed if you brought it up? It could be that they really want to talk about him too.

You might want to just raise the subject of him in a conversation with one of them, and just see if they're eager to talk about it or just change the subject.
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$55.00
Goal
$255.00
Top