I'm drowning in grief, nine months after my beloved husband died suddenly. I waited more than 40 years to find him, and I know I will never be as close to another human being again. I can't honestly find good reasons to hang on, except to spare my loved ones pain.
Hi there and welcome to the forum, in what way did your husband die (if that's ok to ask) ? I am so sorry for your incredible loss, just know you don't have to cope with this yourself. We're here for you. Are you seeing any professional? I'd advise grief counselling, it really might take that huge weight off your shoulders.
I can understand how horrible this feels, but please don't give up on yourself. Have you had counseling to deal with your grief?
Please take care of yourself. I know it's hard right now, but life can be worth it.