This can be triggering to sensitive people btw (sex/grooming/r*pe)
This is kinda new to me. I haven't had this triggered in such a long time.
Talking the basics, when I was around 12yo, my not so bright and very hormonal mind got me groomed by a pedo group on the internet.
It messed me up in a lot on tiny ways I just begun to understand after being an adult.
Like the way I turned like a masoquist and how I have problems defying orders and other things.
That being said. I ended up have kinks for BDSM and other things, and I haven't been triggered with these for at least 12 years.
I haven't found a safe place to talk about these desires in a long time, and found a game that deals with these things. It seemed tame, not dealing with blood or gore like some games do.
But alas. It had a specific scene with drugs and r*pe. And at first I thought nothing of it, not my first rodeo, but with time, I notice myself tense and anxious. And in an hour found myself panicking and completely alone in my house, and have been already very depressed these last weeks. I couldn't breathe or think right, and had no one to talk or touch.
It was... Horrible. Im still now feeling the effects of it, even after a day and a meditating for half a hour. I feel suicidal and touch starved and very ... vulnerable rn.
I'm not sure what I wanted with this rant. I can't deal with this alone but also I have no one right now. So I'm kinda stuck here. In a tar pit of emotions.
This is kinda new to me. I haven't had this triggered in such a long time.
Talking the basics, when I was around 12yo, my not so bright and very hormonal mind got me groomed by a pedo group on the internet.
It messed me up in a lot on tiny ways I just begun to understand after being an adult.
Like the way I turned like a masoquist and how I have problems defying orders and other things.
That being said. I ended up have kinks for BDSM and other things, and I haven't been triggered with these for at least 12 years.
I haven't found a safe place to talk about these desires in a long time, and found a game that deals with these things. It seemed tame, not dealing with blood or gore like some games do.
But alas. It had a specific scene with drugs and r*pe. And at first I thought nothing of it, not my first rodeo, but with time, I notice myself tense and anxious. And in an hour found myself panicking and completely alone in my house, and have been already very depressed these last weeks. I couldn't breathe or think right, and had no one to talk or touch.
It was... Horrible. Im still now feeling the effects of it, even after a day and a meditating for half a hour. I feel suicidal and touch starved and very ... vulnerable rn.
I'm not sure what I wanted with this rant. I can't deal with this alone but also I have no one right now. So I'm kinda stuck here. In a tar pit of emotions.
