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Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?

mosaic hearts

mosaic hearts

I am we - working hard at getting it together.🦋🐻
#37,201
#37,201
I'm still dealing with suicidal impulses but they've been upserped tofay by very bad flashbacks of the organized ab*se I suffered as a kid between the agre of 8 & 12½. Someone is crying from my eyes & I'm experiencing bad body memories...pain in my body as when I/we was/were originally abused. It triggered an asthma attack earlier. Cough, wheeze, chest tightness on top of everything else. 😥 Taking my rescue medication as needed. Made my favorite tea (Earl Gray), put on southing nature sounds, cuddling up with Abby, a stuffy, & a cozy blanket. This is a bad time of year for us.
 
mosaic hearts

mosaic hearts

I am we - working hard at getting it together.🦋🐻
#37,202
#37,202
mosaic hearts said:
I'm still dealing with suicidal impulses but they've been upserped today by very bad flashbacks of the organized ab*se I suffered as a kid between the agre of 8 & 12½. Someone is crying from my eyes & I'm experiencing bad body memories...pain in my body as when I/we was/were originally abused. It triggered an asthma attack earlier. Cough, wheeze, chest tightness on top of everything else. 😥 Taking my rescue medication as needed. Made my favorite tea (Earl Gray), put on southing nature sounds, cuddling up with my cat Abby, a stuffy, & a cozy blanket. This is a bad time of year for us.
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My psychologist recommended an adjustment to my CPTSD meds I'm taking to help settle things down. So, I had a telehealth appointment with my family doctor yesterday. I'm temporarily increasing my Effexor XR to 225.mg/daily (from 150 mg/daily) & continuing risperidone at 0.25 mg/daily to help me cope with the massive emotional dysregulation from my C-PTSD. Once things settle for me, the Effexor will go back down to 150 mg/daily & I'll go off the risperidone. Late summer, Easter, my birthday, & Christmas are triggering times for my ritu*al ab*se (organized ab*se). As I write this, suicidal impulses/urges & feelings of desperation are increasing again. They waz & wane. God be with me & help me through this. mosaic hearts
 
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AvidFan

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
#37,203
#37,203
mosaic hearts said:
My psychologist recommended an adjustment to my CPTSD meds I'm taking to help settle things down. So, I had a telehealth appointment with my family doctor yesterday. I'm temporarily increasing my Effexor XR to 225.mg/daily (from 150 mg/daily) & continuing risperidone at 0.25 mg/daily to help me cope with the massive emotional dysregulation from my C-PTSD. Once things settle for me, the Effexor will go back down to 150 mg/daily & I'll go off the risperidone. Late summer, Easter, my birthday, & Christmas are triggering times for my ritu*al ab*se (organized ab*se). As I write this, suicidal impulses/urges & feelings of desperation are increasing again. They waz & wane. God be with me & help me through this. mosaic hearts
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Sorry you are struggling right now. Thoughts are with you.
 
AmberMarie

AmberMarie

SF Supporter
#37,207
#37,207
1964dodge said:
i have been having increased suicidal thoughts for the past month or two . even on good days it sneaks in. i am not suicidal and safe and i'm sure once i start to feel better the thoughts will go away or at least lessen

mke
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i appreciate your honesty. It shows how human we all truly are... that we all have struggles. Even those that are a constant source of strength in a place such as this. *console
 
LumberJack

LumberJack

Honk If You're a Silly Goose
SF Supporter
#37,209
#37,209
I’m conflicted. Lately I have been more anxious than ever. I went to the doctor about muscle pain and he said it is stress. It must be a lot of stress because all the muscles from my lats to my calves are constricting involuntarily and I have mixed results trying to relax them voluntarily. It’s fear expressed as muscle tension that ends up causing me distracting levels of pain.

In that sense, I want out of this body. In another sense, though, I would really hurt a lot of wonderful people who care about me and want me to be at peace with myself. I guess it doesn’t really matter what I think about it. What matters is what I do about it.
 
Lane

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
#37,212
#37,212
LumberJack said:
I’m conflicted. Lately I have been more anxious than ever. I went to the doctor about muscle pain and he said it is stress. It must be a lot of stress because all the muscles from my lats to my calves are constricting involuntarily and I have mixed results trying to relax them voluntarily. It’s fear expressed as muscle tension that ends up causing me distracting levels of pain.

In that sense, I want out of this body. In another sense, though, I would really hurt a lot of wonderful people who care about me and want me to be at peace with myself. I guess it doesn’t really matter what I think about it. What matters is what I do about it.
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Your thoughts matter a whole bunch. Do you ever go for massage? Im sorry to hear about your physical pain.
 
LumberJack

LumberJack

Honk If You're a Silly Goose
SF Supporter
#37,214
#37,214
Lane said:
Your thoughts matter a whole bunch. Do you ever go for massage? Im sorry to hear about your physical pain.
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Well, I did get a massage last week because this little spasm problem has been going on for weeks, I told her to use the maximum pressure that wouldn’t cause bruising. The problem is that the muscles refusing to relax get full of lactic acid as a byproduct of metabolizing blood sugar. It burns us, it does! (Apologies to Gollum).
 
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