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Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?
- Thread starter Petal
- Start date
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I don't even know rn. On the one hand, I still think my problems are solvable with the tools I have. So I'm not feeling helpless. OTOH, I have been behaving recklessly at times and I thought I would at least be in a coma after something I did Fri (avoiding details because of no methods rule). I noticed that when I woke up I was very disappointed that i made it through with probably nothing more than dehydration. That disappointment has been stuck on repeat since then.
I feel like my mental health is really, really off and my ability to make thoughtful decisions is almost offline and has been for at least a few days. I'm doing what my ex-addiction therapist described as intensity seeking. I'm feeling so little that I seek adrenaline that I would not seek normally just to feel something. Is that suicidal or not? Honest question - pls comment.
I feel like my mental health is really, really off and my ability to make thoughtful decisions is almost offline and has been for at least a few days. I'm doing what my ex-addiction therapist described as intensity seeking. I'm feeling so little that I seek adrenaline that I would not seek normally just to feel something. Is that suicidal or not? Honest question - pls comment.
Trigger warning for negativity. @LumberJack Commment: from my experience of my own life; it's not suicidal but, it is a darkly serious form of self-harm. I have shut down so many years of feelings. The weight of it got too much and my mind's choice was to leap into behaviours which were guaranteed to play havoc with my emotions. It made life easier for a short while. A person I talked to about it told me I was an adventure-seeker. That's a nice way to put it. It has occurred to me that my self-worth is at times non-existent, it's as if I'm already dead, so none of this matters.
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Well, my adventure seeking was doing over twice the speed limit in a 55MPH zone. My vehicle is sport-y, but it's not going to do anything exciting on a race track, meaning I do NOT have the mods (spoiler, brakes, frame) that would make it possible for me to avoid the unexpected at that speed. If I had to swerve I would roll the car which is generally not survivable. I definitely slowed down when I noticed but the thing is I got that fast just on autopilot. Now I'm beating myself up because I could have killed someone else. That is opposite of the type of person I want to be! I need an autopilot repair, I think. Sorry about the storytime. My thoughts are racing
Many thanks, @Lifeisthis and @seabird. I will be fine. It just gets depressing at times.
I don't think it's inherently suicidal, but if you'll go to any lengths to feel the adrenaline, it has an inherent tendency to be very dangerous.
That's not good. It's also good that you recognize that it's not good.
It's in the past now, and fortunately there were no bad consequences. There's no need to self torment. Hopefully you can both give yourself a break and have strong determination not to repeat similar behaviors.
That's not good. It's also good that you recognize that it's not good.
It's in the past now, and fortunately there were no bad consequences. There's no need to self torment. Hopefully you can both give yourself a break and have strong determination not to repeat similar behaviors.
i had to bring up a lot of stuff yesterday in my 1st therapy appointment with my IOP therapist, and the day before with my new outpatient therapist. Today, within an hour from now, i have a 90 min psych eval. All of which have been bringing up ALL the reasons i why si is so prominent in my life. Why i feel so strongly to not want to be in this world... in this life. Why i want to escape so desperately. So... right now... YES is my answer to this question. (Not that i needed to explain myself... i duno why i felt that i did... sorry to all who have to read this... however, not deleting it because there's a strong feeling it needs to be here)
That fact is enough to change your mind about driving in public like that in future, but you're a someone too. You matter LumberJack.
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I'm sorry to have to relate a story. I have ptsd about this as it was fairly horrible. My daughter was bringing groceries back home and was on the back of her boyfriend's motorcycle. A driver who made a bad decision almost killed them. She was airlifted to critical care because the local hospital couldn't handle her level of injuries. She is alright now, but it took her 5 years, a lot lf money and a lot of medical work to fix all the broken parts. Please drive responsibly.
I'm sorry for what happened with your loved one. I know I messed up. It's not okay and I'm not okay with it. It's kind of like writing about it here brings it fully into my own awareness for processing. I'm frightened by it, because it's like this personality change where too much stress shuts down my intelligence and I am pulled around by a raging force of instinct that doesn't understand consequences. I don't feel like I can control who comes out in those shifts, so I need to control the shift itself proactively.
Thank you @LumberJack (h) I've said a lot to you over the past couple of years; I hope what comes across to you is care, regard and trust. I was relying on that. I likely have more than a touch of heavy mood swings and am grateful to be able to read your descriptions and assessment.
Yes the thoughts are here. No matter what I try, nothing ever fixes my problems. I keep picking myself up and just keep getting kicked down again. I throw money at problems, and instead of fixing them it goes down the drain. I've possibly got 20 years left, and don't feel I want them. Seems better to just go to sleep than suffer for another 20 years to wait for the same outcome. Not going to do anything, but it is so appealing right now - method = deep, deep sleep. It sometimes seems it's the only way I'd get any sleep at all.