Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?

[LumberJack]

Probably not going to do it until I report the people who abused me to police. See how things feel after all that.

Telling the truth about people who hurt you is hard. Very hard. I hope you find peace, and if you do, please come back and tell me how.

 

[MagickLynx]

Telling the truth about people who hurt you is hard. Very hard. I hope you find peace, and if you do, please come back and tell me how.

I've reached a point where I'm very angry with it all. It feels like a poison I need to get out of me. I don't want to go to my grave without at least telling the police about it. Thanks, I will tell you if I find it. I hope I can find it. 🙏

 

[JanisSPK]

Re: Are you feeling suicidal today?

No not anymore. I can't afford it. And one depressed person in the "family" is enough. So no one really knows how I feel. That's part of the problem, too I think.

There is a MEDITATION CLUB thread here. Whether you are familiar with meditation or not, there are many different kinds and you may find one type or style soothing or calming or healing for yourself even if you only listen for a few minutes at a time. or when you are going to sleep or arising or just have it softly playing in your background area somewhere.

I'm just seeing my error posting the above, I was not reading the last days of postings but some older ones aways back in the thread. I will leave the post though as it may be of help to someone currently.

 

[JanisSPK]

i don't want to go back into hospital... this pain is so very intense. i truly do not know what to do right now. i do not have the strength to beg to be taken. Wishing i could sleep... sleep forever right now.

I hope you got some rest or sleep this past night. And that some relief comes to you this day, this week.

 

[1964dodge]

Thank you Mike

you're welcome

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Not today

 

[1964dodge]

i will not go by my own hand. i will wait until god calls me home. i had a bad night with pain last night and my wife, bless her heart helped me through it. today my wife told me that i kept asking why i couldn't go home , i even asked god why he didn't take me home. i don't remember this lol. today was a bit better. i just have to hang on because things are much worse because of post sepsis syndrome but i know i will get better. so no i won't go by suicide i will go by the gentle hand of god, even if it kills me lol

mike

 

[Holding my breath]

A few years ago I was actively suicidal, it was all I could think about and I made a number of attempts. Since then I have made many changes and would say I am no longer suicidal, but I have recently been remembering that time when I was. Certain scenes and events go through my head, I walk through them step by step, almost like some sort of fantasy. Is this normal? Is it normal for these memories to hang over you? Those days were traumatic and I wonder if this is a sort of ptsd but there are times when I can feel that familiar kick in the stomach which used to come with the urges to end it all. I have had a counsellor of over a year who has been really helpful but we only have another 7 sessions left. These memories have become worse recently and I wonder if knowing I’m losing my counsellor is having some kind of effect on me. That I will be alone and not able to discuss these feelings. Anyway, really just wanted to ask, do you ever move past these worst days of your life or do they always stay with you and replay in your head?

 

[1964dodge]

A few years ago I was actively suicidal, it was all I could think about and I made a number of attempts. Since then I have made many changes and would say I am no longer suicidal, but I have recently been remembering that time when I was. Certain scenes and events go through my head, I walk through them step by step, almost like some sort of fantasy. Is this normal? Is it normal for these memories to hang over you? Those days were traumatic and I wonder if this is a sort of ptsd but there are times when I can feel that familiar kick in the stomach which used to come with the urges to end it all. I have had a counsellor of over a year who has been really helpful but we only have another 7 sessions left. These memories have become worse recently and I wonder if knowing I’m losing my counsellor is having some kind of effect on me. That I will be alone and not able to discuss these feelings. Anyway, really just wanted to ask, do you ever move past these worst days of your life or do they always stay with you and replay in your head?

 

[Windhover]

do you ever move past these worst days of your life or do they always stay with you and replay in your head?

I find the replays happen much less often than they used to, and their potency to cause a strong emotion has changed, lessened. It's taken a long time. It would've been better if I had a counselor but so far have not come across someone who suits. I hope you can maintain equanimity.

 

[JanisSPK]

no and grateful for it even though it's been a fairly rough day.

 

[XXOutbackXx]

I feel extra despair on weekends because nothing is progressing and I don’t have anything else better to do due to that it’s cold outside and I don’t have decent financial conditions.

Same, almost exactly. I miss video games

 

[I_waste_everything]

Probably not going to do it until I report the people who abused me to police. See how things feel after all that.

Update us when you feel ready. I would give anything to have turned in my abuser.

 

[MAC0]

I am at a point this last 2 days where I wish I could switch my brain off as any free time my mind drifts to thinking about it while its always been there since 2020 I had to being a small whisper in the back of my mind but now its very much a shout so as I said I wish I could turn my brain off from thinking for a time just want some peace

 

[may71]

Anyway, really just wanted to ask, do you ever move past these worst days of your life or do they always stay with you and replay in your head?

I think traumatic memories have a way of popping up. Maybe in an ideal situation they'd only come back to you once every few years vs every day and all the time. I think you can also limit the severity of their impact when they do occur.

 

[MagickLynx]

Update us when you feel ready. I would give anything to have turned in my abuser.

Will do. Sorry you were also abused

 

[LumberJack]

Yes. It’s not that I feel so bad that I want to die. It’s more like I have come to hate myself so much for all the stupid mistakes I’ve made that I want to kill that fucker.

 

[Windhover]

no

 

[1964dodge]

no

 

[1964dodge]

due to post sepsis syndrome kicking my ass and chronic pain getting worse i think of it often. it's still passing thoughts or fantasy most of the time but definately taking more lorazepam to stay on the good side. i will NOT die by my hand, the reaper will have to do his own job lol. i am slowly getting better so optimistic also if that makes sense.

mike