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Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?
- Thread starter Petal
- Start date
My back injury is healing a bit. But the anxiety is insane. My job is so physically demanding. It's not a career for someone with a bad back. Is this the start of more chronic pain? Am i going to be doing this career in 5 years? Will my company try to fuck me over if i ask for more time to heal?
Me and my wife have separated in the past for periods of time. But tonight was the first night I started the process of filling for divorce. Of course she dropped communication like she always does. I'm not sure shes a good person like s he claims. I do wonder if she is just a good actor and took advantage of me for years, or if some of the good times were at least genuine. I'm not sure I can follow through and submit the paperwork. But at the same time, the thought of living with here again stresses me out so much. So I guess that's a sign.
I could kinda handle one of these life events at once. But both at the same time is fucking hard
Me and my wife have separated in the past for periods of time. But tonight was the first night I started the process of filling for divorce. Of course she dropped communication like she always does. I'm not sure shes a good person like s he claims. I do wonder if she is just a good actor and took advantage of me for years, or if some of the good times were at least genuine. I'm not sure I can follow through and submit the paperwork. But at the same time, the thought of living with here again stresses me out so much. So I guess that's a sign.
I could kinda handle one of these life events at once. But both at the same time is fucking hard
Just thoughts, but they are there. I have been studying things on how to let go, accept, or have equanimity. One thing I have encountered is that our thoughts from yesterday are hardly available today, and what I was irritated about a week ago tends not to matter anymore. For the most part that checks out, but equanimity doesn’t mean passivity. If there is a problem that needs to be acted upon, you do that. The idea, though, is that you can take appropriate action without being super upset or indignant. That part is taking a while to land inside my thick skull.
maybe I am, because I think that would definitely solve a lot of problems for me. It's not an option for me at this time, though. It would transfer my pain mostly to the ones closest to me, and radiating outward with severity determined by how much they cared about me. I'm in a place where almost any household object looks like a method to me. The human body is remarkably resilient, but it doesn't take a lot to shut it down if you know the important parts to hit. But my meds bring me into a place where I somehow want to survive so I cannot form a plan with any serious intention. I just had a thought. There's this crazy Irish guy on my meditation app with a prolific collection of content centering on gratitude, joy, and wonder. However, maybe he's not so crazy because I cannot argue with his reasoning. I will take a break and play a talk from that dude.
