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Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?
- Thread starter Petal
- Start date
Yes. I
The aunt I*, again and again, look forward in toddlerhood to seeing only for her to get angry at me, is coming over. Since I'm a fucking loser who only rents a room in the house, I don't get to fight back when she verbally abuses me, just like when I'm a toddler.
That, combined with me looking at my cluttered, cluttered room, and broken L-desk, makes me so done wiþ me.
I hate me. I hate me. I-hate-me I-hate-me FUCKING LOSER, LIFE-WASTER I HATE! HATE!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!
The aunt I*, again and again, look forward in toddlerhood to seeing only for her to get angry at me, is coming over. Since I'm a fucking loser who only rents a room in the house, I don't get to fight back when she verbally abuses me, just like when I'm a toddler.
That, combined with me looking at my cluttered, cluttered room, and broken L-desk, makes me so done wiþ me.
I hate me. I hate me. I-hate-me I-hate-me FUCKING LOSER, LIFE-WASTER I HATE! HATE!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!
I did have the thought yesterday with what is happening right now that after receiving several months of sleeping pills and anti anxiety meds at a doc visit last week that it would be an opportunity for me to just exit. I've been having crying jags for days and even a few weeks....that hopeless feeling that can creep in....I made a commitment to 2 girlfriends of mine in the past 24 hours that I would do nothing to harm myself and I will hold that as my truth and responsibility as these coming days pass by. One breath at a time and just keep tasking and showing up for caring for myself and for the house work and tasks and medical attention being needed at this time. So today I will say yes and no.