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Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?
- Thread starter Petal
- Start date
Not today. Is that 2 days in a row?? I have one half of me that wants to live. The other half wants to kill both of us. I doubt that one exists without the other.
This awareness, though, does not seem to keep the desire to live from wishing that the desire for death half would just kill himself so that both would be happy.
PS - I doubt that I have or am on the way to DID (dissociative identity disorder). The thought crosses my mind from time to time. I think that my warring parts inside are pieces of a single whole, as opposed to separate, standalone identities. I have been wrong before, though.
This awareness, though, does not seem to keep the desire to live from wishing that the desire for death half would just kill himself so that both would be happy.
PS - I doubt that I have or am on the way to DID (dissociative identity disorder). The thought crosses my mind from time to time. I think that my warring parts inside are pieces of a single whole, as opposed to separate, standalone identities. I have been wrong before, though.
I'd be a great deal calmer and better off if I could manage that, rather than what my mind is trying to do today. It switched itself to high alert, scanning my surroundings, scanning an imaginary future and comparing all the bits to past events. 🧿
Anyway I'm going to make a note of it. Thanks for for that LumberJack.
Anyway I'm going to make a note of it. Thanks for for that LumberJack.
To be honest, I’m not sure if I am managing this right now. I’m trying and had success earlier. It seems to have snapped back since. I’m having what feels very similar to the PTSD flashbacks I had after moving out on my own. Except, it’s about the more recent injuries.
I’m going to try some breathing exercises, mainly the one where you try to breathe out slowly, such that the out-breath is about 50% longer than the in-breath ex: 4 beats in & 6 beats out. It might work. If not, I will handle that bridge when I reach it.
I’m going to try some breathing exercises, mainly the one where you try to breathe out slowly, such that the out-breath is about 50% longer than the in-breath ex: 4 beats in & 6 beats out. It might work. If not, I will handle that bridge when I reach it.
I've been OK for a few days, but today the urge is coming back. I was doing OK earlier today until a crappy meeting and then a scheduling shitshow, looked at my diary and my life just seems to be work, medical issues, problems, work, work, work, disappointments, obligations, expectations, stress, fighting rigid systems, brief escapes from pain and hope before just getting kicked down again. I feel exhausted and worn down. I would love to just go to sleep, right now, with no chance of coming back.
I know I might feel very different tomorrow. Often happens. Just as I felt OK yesterday, and most of today, suddenly this storm arrives.
I will try to eat something (microwaved potato and lentil bolgnese from a packet) then go to bed and hope by tomorrow this mental storm has passed over and I can be myself again.
Also FFS I can't even string words together at the moment.
I know I might feel very different tomorrow. Often happens. Just as I felt OK yesterday, and most of today, suddenly this storm arrives.
I will try to eat something (microwaved potato and lentil bolgnese from a packet) then go to bed and hope by tomorrow this mental storm has passed over and I can be myself again.
Also FFS I can't even string words together at the moment.
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Time and people slipping away is really hitting me hard right now. I've nightmared about it the last couple nights, people and things, places long gone. To me, when you actually see this happening around you and to yourself it's one of the saddest things that exists on this Earth. And a part of my brain keeps telling me, "It's ok to join them, just let go."
I'm trying to avoid listening to songs on the topic now as I don't want to feed that feeling. At the same time is it the truth, should I just 'let go'?
I'm trying to avoid listening to songs on the topic now as I don't want to feed that feeling. At the same time is it the truth, should I just 'let go'?
