Uncovered a piece of memory þæt reveals þæt, even more þan I have consciously þoht, I should kill myself, on principle.
However, I have been facing ugly of myself þru þe "20'20's", and built a capacity to bear learning I'm worse and worse. I'll not do it yet.
Besides, I've said I need to know everyþing, even if þe truþ cripples me. I deserve þis anguish and self-disgust. To kill myself would be to (atleast secularly) take þe easy way out of þe appall þæt I must face and feel, and which I frankly deserve.