suicide is on my mind

[username12]

im a 17 year old guy and suicide has been on my mind for awhile now, its really starting to scare me.

since i was a young boy i never fitted in at home or school - i never was able to talk to people easily (my own age or adults, even my parents). and i still cant, i even find it impossibe to keep eye contact with anyone. i dont really have any friends ( never really have, just people i know.) i have been told by afew people that i am hard to have a real conversation with, and yes i clearly see that is true which just brings my self exsteem down.

i have been very depressed for afew years now, and for the past year i have started to have suicidle thoughts often ( not all the time, they only trigger if im really bored, or get angry about something, or someone asks where my life is going in the future.)

so im stuck, i hate life and want to end it, but i cant because i have a string of hope that makes me think one day thing may be alright, but i doubt it. also the thought of what effects it may have on my family cause me to not want to do it, purley cause i would rather suffer myself than make them suffer.

part of me really does want to live, but i have no idea of how to overcome these suicidle thoughts and feelings of worthlessness and disapointment in myself.

any advice would be greatly helpful.
thank you.

 

[username12]

Also i forgot to mention, depression caused me to fail all my Alevel exams, and my sexuality has unclear to me for half a year now.

 

[absolution]

Hi hun, :hug:

I'm really sorry to hear you are feeling suicidal but am also VERY glad to hear that you have some hope and that you can see that hope! Things can get better even if that seems like an impossibility atm.

I also have trouble carrying on a convo with someone face to face, so you aren't alone in that.

Overcoming suicidal thoughts is really hard but possible. Do you see a therapist? Finding a great therapist could really help with overcoming them. s*

PM me anytime if you need to talk, and welcome to the forums!

 

[Speedy]

:welcome:

I wish I had advice, but I'm just a year older and going through a couple of the things you mentioned myself (especially the having problems with eye contact part). :hug:

Regards,

Alex

 

[username12]

thanks for the reply, in answer to your question

Do you see a therapist?

Well no i don't. i havn't told anyone about how i feel, i and worried about how people will react if i tell them. i really dont want to get my parents involved because i dont want them to worry about me, if you know what i mean. i'm thinking of telling my doctor at some point, its just i find it hard to open up and tell people whats going on in my head.

 

[absolution]

thanks for the reply, in answer to your question


Well no i don't. i havn't told anyone about how i feel, i and worried about how people will react if i tell them. i really dont want to get my parents involved because i dont want them to worry about me, if you know what i mean. i'm thinking of telling my doctor at some point, its just i find it hard to open up and tell people whats going on in my head.

I know it's hard to open up but I think telling your doctor would be a good thing. And it's normal to worry about what people will think or how they will react, we all do it.

You say that you don't want to worry your parents? But parents are suppose to worry about their kids hun. I don't know them so i can't say for sure, but i think if you tried to tell them a little of whats going on they would support you. If you can't say it out loud you could always write them a letter? Just a suggestion.

 

[Princeofhope]

Boy kid do we share a lot. I was depressed as fuck when I was your age, used to cry myself to sleep. Never fitted in, had close to no friends, and didn't help I wasn't a white Christian in a very suburban neighborhood. Thoughts of ending it come up time to time, but that's the wrong way to think.

You're growing into a man, so you gotta find something you love...anything that challenges you to push forward.

Life does get better, I promise you that much.

 

[toopainfultolive]

I dont usually reply to others, cuz I wouldn't know what to say. But I see myself in you. Except I'm out of school and jobless now. I find it hard to talk to ppl face-to-face, much less keep eye-contact. I have been told by a person who I only met for the first time that I tend to look away while talking to her. I feel ya, is all I really want to say.

 

[nolonger]

i actually wrote a letter to my mum and pretty much threw it at her as I was running off to school. Now I'm on anti-depressants and go to therapy weekly(5 months on).

I also have problems with eye contact, I usually look at something near the person. It feels awkward looking them in the eye. And I've been told that I'm too quiet and should talk more...lol...I tend to just think of things in my head. No one else would really understand.

My sexuality is a bit dodgy aswell. I'm gay but none of the kids seem to believe me. They think I'm just saying it or watever.