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The 2 most damaging things a bully can say

Thauoy

Well-Known Member
#21
When I was severely humiliated and bullied by other people, I always thought that I am wrong and blame myself. I punish myself for being different and for being a socially rejected person. People say I am crazy and I believed it. People say all kinds of bad things about me and I believed them. I cursed myself for being different. I always feel isolated and alone whether in office or society. I believed that no one loves me
 

Myaing

. . . ☯ . . .
#22
Bullying is a form of self hate and self loathing. "I have suffered, so i will make others suffer."
Some people cant take it and they shut it out and project all their shit onto others. They silence their own pain by hurting others. To hurt someone, you really have to hate yourself. Animal abusers, bad parents, political leaders, killers, the shitty retail maneger, etc. None have taken a look in the mirror. None have selfrespect.
 
#23
@PrincessPure : ) Please don’t think that way. . ! = I recall an interview from maybe 15 years or so ago, with IronMan (Robert Downey Jr.), & they were asking him about, how wouldn’t he love to rather be dating some super sexy super model or something.?!;) And he replied, that, ~ “Yeah... that MIGHT Be fun, for - 7 or 8 minutes!! (But then you’re eventually going to have to get around to having & actually holding a conversation with them...” // & that’s where the problem or issue would indeed arise - unless you follow the Leo DiCaprio blueprint..;) so—Yes! with what you say is being true: but only to a certain extent; that being the phrase, “beauty is only skin deep!” At the end of the day, if you’re goal is to find somebody whose eye is worth catching, and then eventually, you find fascinating enough to want to wish to be with for a relationship—then you’re going to only accomplish step one of that process. (Meaning you’ve still got to develop what’s on the inside, in addition to having an engaging personality or one in which it accentuates your more positive qualities... such that you can best get, ‘in-step!’ with someone / that kind of chemistry or whatever the magic might be in order to make one another better the other, and so on. . . & so forth! : )) - Not that you’ve done or are doing anything wrong: I’m simply trying to show you a different view on some of the things which seem to have been shaped and formed in your mind growing up in the society that you did. : ) Peace ~
 

PrincessPure

Well-Known Member
#24
@PrincessPure : ) Please don’t think that way. . ! = I recall an interview from maybe 15 years or so ago, with IronMan (Robert Downey Jr.), & they were asking him about, how wouldn’t he love to rather be dating some super sexy super model or something.?!;) And he replied, that, ~ “Yeah... that MIGHT Be fun, for - 7 or 8 minutes!! (But then you’re eventually going to have to get around to having & actually holding a conversation with them...” // & that’s where the problem or issue would indeed arise - unless you follow the Leo DiCaprio blueprint..;) so—Yes! with what you say is being true: but only to a certain extent; that being the phrase, “beauty is only skin deep!” At the end of the day, if you’re goal is to find somebody whose eye is worth catching, and then eventually, you find fascinating enough to want to wish to be with for a relationship—then you’re going to only accomplish step one of that process. (Meaning you’ve still got to develop what’s on the inside, in addition to having an engaging personality or one in which it accentuates your more positive qualities... such that you can best get, ‘in-step!’ with someone / that kind of chemistry or whatever the magic might be in order to make one another better the other, and so on. . . & so forth! : )) - Not that you’ve done or are doing anything wrong: I’m simply trying to show you a different view on some of the things which seem to have been shaped and formed in your mind growing up in the society that you did. : ) Peace ~
I thought it was stupid to say this so I wanted to put it in a spoiler. I agree where I live people really visual being. It's called the nose job center of the world, and makeup stores are always more packed with people than bookshops. A good-looking girl without skills has more chance of being employed than an average one with decent skills, and I have seen this happen. It's disappointing indeed but I am part of those visual beings. I have obsessive thoughts about looking for a guy who is a head-turner and no guy of that type will like me if I am ugly and don't take care of myself. Eversince I crushed on that guy I thought of giving birth to a blonde daughter so I will prove him later that I am no less than him.
 
#25
Ah... I see, well okay! : ) that’s no problem - seriously: we can work with this! : D _Now there’s nothing wrong with conforming to societal expectations in terms of going along with trends as far as any cosmetic changes or alterations you’d like to make. So long as you’re doing it for the right reasons. I kind of question this from your standpoint, or in this case. Because you seem to be coming - at least in part - from a place that is derived, or originating from, a feeling of “negativity,” or dare I even say, “hate.” Or maybe anger, is a better word. And then that would in my warped mind, be somewhat counterproductive and self-defeating or consuming (as in a destructive behavior that could feed onto or upon itself; and never really fulfill whatever it is that you’re chasing after: this idealized “image,” of self-perfection, or just perfection from a looks-conscious/oriented perspective . . . But again : that is just me ; & I am not even a woman 👩, so there is that!). : ) And revenge is really a bad motivator. I’d much prefer if you were doing these things, in the interest of “feeling good,” like one would approach going to the gym for exercise, or whatever else might be considered helpful to your own well being. This seems to me to be slightly more ... not quite that, if you get what I’m saying — or where I’m coming from (& no worries if you don’t, or are not!). Feel free to disagree: that is your right! :D All I can do is offer you my perspective, and hopefully an alternative or different point of view, such that you can either change the way you think and look at it (the situation), or reinforce what you already know and believe. The choice is yours. But I’ve got a bit more experience than you in terms of time logged on this earth (not that that guarantees anything; but I do feel that I can share or offer things from a different place than those around you of a similar age & geographical/physical location: I believe that’s what the old folks’ say, is “hindsight”). : )
 
#26
Ya, but it takes time. Do you think I got to be the person I am over night?! Hardly... I went through some of the same things. Changing my clothes, appearance, buying and doing all sorts of ridiculous things to appear 'cool' or get girls to like me.

You know, I noticed the young girls now days(I'm 35) spend so much time, money and effort to look 'beautiful', and I just don't get it. They wear gobs of makeup, dye their hair, expensive boutique clothing, tatoos, and all of it is designed to be 'look at me'. Well that's the problem; I can't see YOU because your hiding under all that stuff. I understand the peer pressure in High School, etc, but that's a major turn off for me. I WANT plain, I WANT simple, I mean what's wrong with it? All I can say is these two things; vanity is a fleeting thing. It is solely based on time, of which we all have a set amount; it WILL eventually leave, which is why I choose to put my faith and effort in things that WON'T leave, like solidly built relationships and empathy. Those are timeless, but the last thing I will say(in regards to your crush) is that sometimes in life we go after things that aren't good for us, and when we finally get them, maybe it turns out to be something(or someone) you actually didn't want or need in the long run. I would never be with anyone now who couldn't accept me for me, and GOD it feels good to say that, though it did take years and practice. Well worth it in the long run for me though, I'd never go back to that now. Being controlled by a rope from those around me.
 

SAVE_ME

Well-Known Member
#27
I was once a member of a forum. It was one of those seedy, edgy underground types of places where the bottom dwellers of the internet would hang out. Anyway I was involved in this online relationship at the time and one of the members there was being mean towards her. Admittedly, I shouldn't have risen to the bait. There's an unwritten rule of the internet: that you don't feed the trolls and I was young and dumb and didn't know any better. I just wanted to get back at them somehow. That's the other thing I've learned over the years, that there is no "getting back" at these people. They lack empathy. They're the kind of people who will encourage a person to commit suicide and then gleefully brag about it afterwards. If that isn't psychopathy then I don't know what is. There's no trying to reason with, or shame or fix that kind of behaviour in any way. You only drive yourself crazy in the process, and then they use that craziness as a weapon against you. So yeah, I shouldn't have played into their hands but I was young and angry. What got to me was how they would kind of light the flame and then when you reacted as any human being would do, they would twist it on you and make you feel like you were the problem and that you were being way too sensitive - emotional invalidation. And then you begin to doubt your own sanity and ask yourself "Am I overreacting to this?" - that's gaslighting. And then the rest of the forum would side with them and gang up on you, causing you to question your sanity even further - the isolation tactic.

I'd also ask myself: is this who people really are? Like, have they reached some heightened state of being or something, where they have transcended human emotion altogether? Just something about the way they never seemed to feel awful about what they did or the things they said. I would often question the fairness of it all. Why am I being a decent human being and yet I'm the one who has to feel awful whenever I've said something sh*tty and they say and do sh*tty things all the time and yet they don't feel an ounce of remorse or lose sleep over it? Why do they seem so much more confident, articulate and intelligent than I? What's their secret?

But yeah, that's my experience and my observations when it comes to bullies. These days I don't play their game, not that I really get bullied anymore. I try to keep a low profile these days. Much better for my sanity that way. Plus if you don't react then they're the ones who are kinda left hanging looking like idiots shouting into the abyss. I used to want to have the last word all the time because in my mind, if I didn't speak up I was letting them get away with it and then they would win. But it's all part of their game to reel you in.
 
#28
I was once a member of a forum. It was one of those seedy, edgy underground types of places where the bottom dwellers of the internet would hang out. Anyway I was involved in this online relationship at the time and one of the members there was being mean towards her. Admittedly, I shouldn't have risen to the bait. There's an unwritten rule of the internet: that you don't feed the trolls and I was young and dumb and didn't know any better. I just wanted to get back at them somehow. That's the other thing I've learned over the years, that there is no "getting back" at these people. They lack empathy. They're the kind of people who will encourage a person to commit suicide and then gleefully brag about it afterwards. If that isn't psychopathy then I don't know what is. There's no trying to reason with, or shame or fix that kind of behaviour in any way. You only drive yourself crazy in the process, and then they use that craziness as a weapon against you. So yeah, I shouldn't have played into their hands but I was young and angry. What got to me was how they would kind of light the flame and then when you reacted as any human being would do, they would twist it on you and make you feel like you were the problem and that you were being way too sensitive - emotional invalidation. And then you begin to doubt your own sanity and ask yourself "Am I overreacting to this?" - that's gaslighting. And then the rest of the forum would side with them and gang up on you, causing you to question your sanity even further - the isolation tactic.

I'd also ask myself: is this who people really are? Like, have they reached some heightened state of being or something, where they have transcended human emotion altogether? Just something about the way they never seemed to feel awful about what they did or the things they said. I would often question the fairness of it all. Why am I being a decent human being and yet I'm the one who has to feel awful whenever I've said something sh*tty and they say and do sh*tty things all the time and yet they don't feel an ounce of remorse or lose sleep over it? Why do they seem so much more confident, articulate and intelligent than I? What's their secret?

But yeah, that's my experience and my observations when it comes to bullies. These days I don't play their game, not that I really get bullied anymore. I try to keep a low profile these days. Much better for my sanity that way. Plus if you don't react then they're the ones who are kinda left hanging looking like idiots shouting into the abyss. I used to want to have the last word all the time because in my mind, if I didn't speak up I was letting them get away with it and then they would win. But it's all part of their game to reel you in.
"Why do they get away with it, what is their secret?" Indifference. They truly don't give a shit about anyone except themselves, and that's why they don't have silly 'tie downs' like, humanity, empathy, etc. And yes, you see their game now for what it is. Walk away, and also I know it's hard to believe but some humans(many actually) have no feeling whatsoever, just like an angry machine or robot motioning down the street. Animals look and sound good compared to these people.

One last thing; Can you believe there actually was a time when the internet didn't exist? I know, depending on what age you are but I was there man, I lived in that time not so long ago. People really need to get away from the screen more(not this website though) and get outside or something, jeez... peace
 

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