So I feel bad that I only seem to come onto this forum when I'm at my worst. But this is something I (for obvious reasons) cannot tell anyone in my personal life about.
Last year I had a particularly scary breakdown. During this time I entertained the idea of suicide for the first time in a long time. My fear was always that it would hurt and therefore I couldn't really want to do it because the idea of pain scared me.
However, I found at that point I no longer cared.
<mod edit - method/timeline>
Given the context of what this <mod edit> means I'm worried that this is more detrimental than helpful. The moment I choose to go has become almost like a happy future memory and I don't know of that's good or not.
I've always been practical so giving myself a sell by date with a no shame extension policy means that if at that point I no longer want to do it I dont have to.
But the idea of being in a worry free, stress free, pain free moment just sat on a beach listening to music before it all stops for good has become extremely appealing.
I just dont know what this means.
Last year I had a particularly scary breakdown. During this time I entertained the idea of suicide for the first time in a long time. My fear was always that it would hurt and therefore I couldn't really want to do it because the idea of pain scared me.
However, I found at that point I no longer cared.
<mod edit - method/timeline>
Given the context of what this <mod edit> means I'm worried that this is more detrimental than helpful. The moment I choose to go has become almost like a happy future memory and I don't know of that's good or not.
I've always been practical so giving myself a sell by date with a no shame extension policy means that if at that point I no longer want to do it I dont have to.
But the idea of being in a worry free, stress free, pain free moment just sat on a beach listening to music before it all stops for good has become extremely appealing.
I just dont know what this means.
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