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the ones who love you

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headcrash

headcrash

Well-Known Member
#41
#41
some thoughts of a subbie :
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I don' t dare to write, say or do what I HAVE to.
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I' m driftimg into numbness not knowing myself any more, I used to be a caring person and now I practice pervert things in front of the damn machine but otherwise its a help.
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41 living small town bored to death and fed up it rang I didn' t open the door I' m living with my parents survived 3 attempts then began praying sent my damn life and my ass to the fucking internet and was in psychiatry some 20 times. I try to be honest. staff please help me find an appropriate place for this post. I read everything about abuse sexual as well as emotional but novels from vachss. i lost someone. i lost more than one. please make me think over my situation and ask some good questions. I' m no more human. thought love or god could help but I just kill my emotions and live on lies, coffee and smoking.

just an asshole and thats all ? too simple. I dont know wheather I was abused I even accused someone I met in the clinic then came the music club and now I want to be anonymous.
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ewing I have to think things over not feeling anything at all except hate, a void, numbness, lies and, well, admitted, disappointment. I should focus on anything other than myself.
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watch the film. take care of someone. leave a trace.
make a difference. don' t do it

http://tiefoben.wordpress.com
 
L

Lambikin

Member
#42
#42
I tried to remember this today, but all I could think was, it would be better for everyone if I was gone... I'm not worth anything to anyone.

Then I went on another forum I'm a part of and someone had said, "I love ewes Lambikins!" etc, so I know SOMEONE would miss me if I was gone, at least one person.
 
M

mehmeh

#46
#46
Hmm this thought is probably the only thing why i haven't ended with myself yet. I still care about how my mom would feel and don't want to hurt her. Thats kind of stupid because it's my life but thats how things are for now.
 
A

atingay

#47
#47
i am having troulbes starting a new thread so hear it goes I am a parent and at our local rural high school we had a 9th grader commit suicide about 4 minths ago and last weeh ker brother committed suicide many students feel it is realted to bullying and other students had told him to go hang himself ec. we are promoting a peaceful sit-in at on the front lawn of our high school because it hasn't even been in the paper and most people ( cept the students) do not even know about this. so we have over 200 attending so far and that is alot it is 50% of the high school and it is a week so we are getting more .. newspaper is coming and parents are involved now we want to make some signs for the sit-in to have students and parents hold it is an anti-siucide and anti-bully protest and being done to let the community knw we have had multiple suicides at many area schools and no one even knows or cares? I need help with good slogans or things to put on the signs and a big banner plz help any sign ideas!! a few are everyone counts! stop the hate... don't be a meanie...let us be heard and seen.... we remember ...
no more lost... we care...
 
E

emotional_girl

Well-Known Member
#48
#48
atingay said:
i am having troulbes starting a new thread so hear it goes I am a parent and at our local rural high school we had a 9th grader commit suicide about 4 minths ago and last weeh ker brother committed suicide many students feel it is realted to bullying and other students had told him to go hang himself ec. we are promoting a peaceful sit-in at on the front lawn of our high school because it hasn't even been in the paper and most people ( cept the students) do not even know about this. so we have over 200 attending so far and that is alot it is 50% of the high school and it is a week so we are getting more .. newspaper is coming and parents are involved now we want to make some signs for the sit-in to have students and parents hold it is an anti-siucide and anti-bully protest and being done to let the community knw we have had multiple suicides at many area schools and no one even knows or cares? I need help with good slogans or things to put on the signs and a big banner plz help any sign ideas!! a few are everyone counts! stop the hate... don't be a meanie...let us be heard and seen.... we remember ...
no more lost... we care...
Click to expand...
Personally, I like "Stop the Hate"
 
H

HawthornePassage

Well-Known Member
#49
#49
what if its all pointless in the end and society fails to meet your basic psychological needs

and what is love, to me its full empathy and understanding of a person, and deeply caring for them, but it has to be all of those. without real understanding or empathy is it even love at all? i dont think so
 
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G

gotafewideas4

New Member
#50
#50
:spidey:i like that but it goes both ways im used to pain and having the things i love most being taken away from me and you can get to the point where your like no one is really listening and you just want to grab one persons attention. its hard when you look around and you dont have anybody around because its beeen taken away from you so it is hard to look forward to something if theres nothing to look forward to.
 
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HawthornePassage

Well-Known Member
#52
#52
i dont really care, since ive already been dead for 13 odd billion years if you consider the atheist mindset to be correct. tons of hyper-aware pain isnt worth prolonging the inevitable by a blink of an eye. especially working hard to get to -40 or whatever, better to just roll a 0 or better in my position. life really isnt worth much in the absence of the divine im afraid
 
K

Kharma

Well-Known Member
#55
#55
Those who love you? Love is nothing but bio-chemicals. The one time I allowed it to occur, she ripped my heart out and shit in the gaping wound.

NEVER again. If I feel that it might be happening again, I'll move to the other side of the country. It is not in any way worth it.
 
T

Tamales

New Member
#56
#56
I agree with HawthornePassage about being pointless in prolonging the pain.

And this business of staying alive because it'd be awful to hurt the ones you love - oh yes, that answers everything, throw some GUILT at someone on the edge just to keep them from going over. And yes, I feel that guilt, but I'm slowly recognizing it for what it is - an obligatory and automated response programmed into us by society's mores.

I'm new here, so I apologize for any rambling, but can someone explain to me why it's so important to "endure"? To be alive simply for the sake of being alive? I know everyone who contemplates suicide has their own unique set of reasons - loss of loved ones, heartbreak, financial troubles, etc. Personally, yes, I've suffered losses, but my main reason is that I'm not equipped for monotony. For trivial inescapable everyday burdens. There is no payoff. I literally don't feel. Anything. So the rest of you - what stops you? What stops me? I don't really know.

Isn't it genuinely possible that some people are not equipped to settle, to fall into routine, to fabricate happiness in forced activities, to not find it positively absurd to struggle to fill empty hours with distractions so that you can feel that you've "lived"?
 
P

proficiens

Member
#58
#58
Hi guys, I'm new here, but very old as far as suicide thoughts are concerned. Honestly I didn't do it because I thought it would be a shame. Pretty idiotic argument but one which obviously worked, at least for a while. Now, many years and tons of work later, I may say everything is fine with me but I further fight the war of my life.
Let me ask you something I mention in all your comments: the first thing is, you do not know why you are on this planet - we'll discuss this later; the second: it is always something external that provokes suicide thoughts: an unhappy love, finances etc, or better said, the judgement you make about something outside yourself. Now, close for a moment your eyes (first read pls), and imagine you lived all of your life on a lonely island and you never encountered others, never knew what money is etc. Then, obviously, these things cannot disturb you as you don't even know that they exist, right? So, if these things wouldn't exist, so would your weariness of life? If yes, so you are definitely capable of living a good life. So, it is the things? No: the very same things that bother you don't bother thousands of other people or at least not to that degree. So, dear friend, it must be the judgement you make about these things.
An external thing does not have the power to rule your soul unless you let it in, unless you invite it in to hurt you. If you say stop to a bad thought, how can it haunt you? Well, you will say, this doesn't help me at all.
Do me a favor, next time the bad thought comes, smile artificially with the broadest smile you have for 45 min - no pause. Right afterwards try to analyze in writing the very thing that caused your suffering - not all at once, but one by one. Not the abstract stuff like: "my girlfriend left me" but: "the person ...., inches tall, ...kg, hair color..., told me this and that, did this and that". Try not to interpret the matter in the first step. Just describe. Then answer the question: what exactly of the said or done bothers me? Remember: no interpretation, just description.
Will this solve the problem? Definitely no. But it is the first step towards a more preferable life. Yes, you will be a happy person. Gauranteed. You know how Socrates define "evil"? - Lack of knowledge. You lack knowledge, and first and foremost about yourself. So, in the first step, try to think in detail, to refrain from abstractions - learn to know the real life, not the one in your head. And you'll see it is neither good nor bad. It is simply the place where good and bad exist. The girl that left you is neither good nor bad, she is simply a person with certain characteristics. That you think you don't have money is not an argument: millions of Somalis live a good life having less than 1 cent a day - poverty is not the possession of little but the non-possession of much.
When you do your homework, you may turn your attention to your value system. What this means: you should know the measure you use in vakluing things. This and that is good or bad, you say. But compared to what? Do you know what is good for you at all? Wouldn't it be a good idea to work to understand these things and only afterwards to think about exit? Well buddy, I'm not that sure, that your time to go has come. Not until you have given, primarily to yourself, a solid, rational and consistent justification, based on solid knowledge of life and of yourself.
 
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