The pain never goes away

[sretosf]

It's 6 year's since my dad killed himself, and although the grief passes for a time it never goes away.

I wasn't close to my dad - as a child we never got along - we were different people who, as I became an adult, learned to accept each other. When he died we were, thankfully on good terms, and I was the last person in the family to speak to him (not for now, but due to the way he was behaving no-one else in the immediate family was speaking to him, something I only learnt (or to be fair fully received) after his death).

Despite our differences I miss my dad - no-one deserves to feel so much pain that they kill themselves. Normally I can contain this grief, but it is always there in the background. Ocassionally, (usually after a few beers and unexpectedly), it spills out like it has tonight and there are a few tears which I normally keep to myself.

At the end of the day time has greatly eased the grief, but I think it will always be there.

 

[1Lefty]

I agree with you, and as sad as it is, it's the reality. I hate it.

It's kind of like we are jig-saw puzzles, and each person is a different shape. You can try to fill that hole where someone is missing - n my experience, it can't be done. Mom, Dad, aunt, uncle, wife, nothing replaces that missing piece -drugs, alcohol, women. About the best I can hope for is the strength each day to make it through each day

That's where this place excels. There are several subforums for more specialized topics. We're really a compassionate communitywho try to help each other. As you and I both know, some days it's a bitch, but coming here for a word of encouragement or support can help make it through the day. And sometimes, when you manage your way through some of those days, you'll get a treat, maybe some forgotten interest returns, or a happy memory of your dad, or just a glimse or how it all falls into place.

If you need to, you can.
always PM me or someone else, if we're available, you can have a one-on-one chat. That's another way we care for each other

Stick around, post some more here, you'll probably make some friends, I'm sure there are plenty more of us who understand your story.

 

[sretosf]

Thank you 1Lefty - like you say some days are a bitch, and Friday was one of those days for me.