This is really so complicated.
I'm 44. Since I was 15 I've had bad phobia/OCD problems. I have no career, no money, no relationships.
When I was 33 I had to move back home and lived with my mother. In 2007 she died. She left the house in my brothers name, lawyer advised this since anything else would make me voluntarily homeless if we decided to sell the house. But my brother's partner wanted the money and said she would leave him if it wasn't sold. So I was evicted in Sept 08. (Lawyers all said there was nothing I could do). I was sectioned for 10 days because I was suicidal.
In May of last year the house went on the market, I again was suicidal but this time certainly did not talk to anyone in the NHS. I was suicidal because my home had been the only stability and continuity I had. The house was sold last September, I did get money but it has ran out.
A few weeks ago I came to London( I'm from Scotland) and have stayed in hotels(that is where the money has gone) since then. In London, away from my hometown for the 1st time in years I can't face going back to the hellishness of my life in Scotland.
It is hardly great here since I'm still alone and in a few days I'll have to go back(no more money). But I can't face going back. I just want a quick way to end it.
That is a brief outline of the situation. I don't know how to adequately evoke the feelings I have. The instability of getting evicted, since then I've had *nowhere* to stand emotionally. It is just living minute to minute. And I can't see anything other than ending it all.
I'm 44. Since I was 15 I've had bad phobia/OCD problems. I have no career, no money, no relationships.
When I was 33 I had to move back home and lived with my mother. In 2007 she died. She left the house in my brothers name, lawyer advised this since anything else would make me voluntarily homeless if we decided to sell the house. But my brother's partner wanted the money and said she would leave him if it wasn't sold. So I was evicted in Sept 08. (Lawyers all said there was nothing I could do). I was sectioned for 10 days because I was suicidal.
In May of last year the house went on the market, I again was suicidal but this time certainly did not talk to anyone in the NHS. I was suicidal because my home had been the only stability and continuity I had. The house was sold last September, I did get money but it has ran out.
A few weeks ago I came to London( I'm from Scotland) and have stayed in hotels(that is where the money has gone) since then. In London, away from my hometown for the 1st time in years I can't face going back to the hellishness of my life in Scotland.
It is hardly great here since I'm still alone and in a few days I'll have to go back(no more money). But I can't face going back. I just want a quick way to end it.
That is a brief outline of the situation. I don't know how to adequately evoke the feelings I have. The instability of getting evicted, since then I've had *nowhere* to stand emotionally. It is just living minute to minute. And I can't see anything other than ending it all.
