With me its always a social group or situation. Somebody says or does not say something or looks or does not look at me funny and I am off on the Toad Head, "You must be the ugliest person in the world. Why do you bother to be alive in this world of true people? Man, you are shockingly lazy, stupid and the wrong skin color. When are you going to give the world a break?"
This goes on and on, has in the past gone on for months at a time with me slung in the middle of two Screamers, a bottle of pills and enough money to make it out to the desert. I tried to just replace the Toad Head; now I am learning to live with her, sometimes make fun of her and, sometimes, on really really wild days, ignore her and run off with my friends.
toopainfultolive, I hope you get to feeling better. I know it really hurts.