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Tidbitsitsybityspider
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In order to not catch a buss traveled to another city for about 150 miles which is huge feat in itself as I habe not drove on my own such a distance for years now. Ended up in a city where friend of mine found pharmaceutical grade oxycodone. Tried very low dose and worked just if not better than prescription tablets. Just an update, not sure yet if it is win win but driving for almost two hours is a progress and enduring pain while driving as well. As fate would ha e it, I drove during night when there is less traffic so it was much easier. Hopefully tbc.
Sometimes I cant walk either cause of pain or too sedated to move so I keep this glass me mom got me at Ikea when I moved into this place, and a big thermos bottle I boight while I was driving with my trucker friend for a few days this past winter and I keep them by the bed to piss into. As it happens sometimes I pee on meself and have to chamge clothes, clean myself, clean everything and as I was clraning a couch I am seeing a burn mark from a ciggie and it gave me homie feeling, it's a sign of life. Some wear and tear in our lives, on our bodies, means that we actually lived, lived and survived and keep on going. Rock on. (lightin' another ciggie 
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)It is realistic expectation from only the rare rare people who genuinely truly love you which are at times not crossed in people's life. I agree with the deeds thing.
This thread struck something in me though, I have realised or maybe I have came across the wrong set of people when I need them they are not there.
There was only one person like that but things got messy and they left.
I am someone who can't forget words. So if forever isn't real because obviously we are mortal beings, don't make fake promises I guess? Till death do us apart is what we all mean by forever right, that's a tough road and people should spoke carefully.
This thread struck something in me though, I have realised or maybe I have came across the wrong set of people when I need them they are not there.
There was only one person like that but things got messy and they left.
I am someone who can't forget words. So if forever isn't real because obviously we are mortal beings, don't make fake promises I guess? Till death do us apart is what we all mean by forever right, that's a tough road and people should spoke carefully.
Sometimes I cant walk either cause of pain or too sedated to move so I keep this glass me mom got me at Ikea when I moved into this place, and a big thermos bottle I boight while I was driving with my trucker friend for a few days this past winter and I keep them by the bed to piss into. As it happens sometimes I pee on meself and have to chamge clothes, clean myself, clean everything and as I was clraning a couch I am seeing a burn mark from a ciggie and it gave me homie feeling, it's a sign of life. Some wear and tear in our lives, on our bodies, means that we actually lived, lived and survived and keep on going. Rock on. (lightin' another ciggie )
)
Hugs? Take care and I am proud of you. You will go a long long way ❤️❤️❤️❤️
May things get better for you
Thank you for kind wishes and support and it goes wothoit saying I wish the same for you and in the very near fiture you find the right set of people to be around and surround you. I am fortunate to have a few good friends irl and online as well as fam members who are able to give me different perspective on things even though at times they are not able to offer physical support, the actions I was referring to.
Here is to a new day (hugs)
Here is to a new day (hugs)
Sometimes I cant walk either cause of pain or too sedated to move so I keep this glass me mom got me at Ikea when I moved into this place, and a big thermos bottle I boight while I was driving with my trucker friend for a few days this past winter and I keep them by the bed to piss into. As it happens sometimes I pee on meself and have to chamge clothes, clean myself, clean everything and as I was clraning a couch I am seeing a burn mark from a ciggie and it gave me homie feeling, it's a sign of life. Some wear and tear in our lives, on our bodies, means that we actually lived, lived and survived and keep on going. Rock on. (lightin' another ciggie )
)
Long may you keep rolling fella, armed with a ciggie and your wit to make you an unstoppable force.
Today showed me inability to be 100% there for those who matter because of this fucoed up mond and fucked up body. I've felt unnatural because I was used to be there, but now body-mind are on their oen schedule. Defeated. I cannot thing of the reason whybam I still alive when emptiness, this void of human nature are bevoming dominant theme in my days.
Can appreciate the frustration that must cause. But even though there was an inability to 100% be there for others, the desire to be so was still there which surely should count for something? Sincerity accounts for a lot of which you appear to have an abundance of. Just that sometimes, it's the things that are out of your control can hold us back despite all the best wills and intentions.
Hope today finds you in a better place fella.
Hope today finds you in a better place fella.
That's fully understandable. With such a major shift in the landscape as this, rarely can adjustments be affected overnight, be it yourself or those who have leant on you. It's something that I've witnessed time and time again including from personal experiences - from both sides of the coin.
Time as they say, is essence.
Time as they say, is essence.
Doctor finally agreed to put me on therapeutic dose of pain killer but starting with next prescription which is in about three and a half weeks. In the meantime I was advised to augment it with paracetamol to try prolonging duration of action. Self-tested at home positive for Covid. Had it last year around same time as well. We'll see how it goes this time around.