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To women for resonance and men for help

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Thedeliberates

Well-Known Member
#1
Are there any women who have bad relationship experiences with men where they are scared from feeling like they have any chance at future relationships? Are there any men who would be willing to comment and have a civil, honest conversation and give me insight and advice?

Disclaimer: Im not trying to be hateful or argumentative in anyway- Im expressing a dissonant thought pattern I have ingrained- and I dont know if I can change it at this point- but I dont get to really talk about it and it has a huge weighing on my daily life and my future outlook and my will to live so please try not to take offense as its not directed at anyone or like an outwardly malicious thought- its more saddening.

I never had a father, never had personally known male role models or brothers, but had a tomboy mother who worked hard and was very practical. I am fine with men in casual relationships, but (this is my belief, Im not saying it is universally true)- I dont know how I could trust a man when all he deeply cares about is looks and obedience. Like- he only married the mother of his future children because she was beautiful and agreeable- if that ever changed he would be cold or cheat- so its like...how could I having been a child put my faith in someone who at their core of relationships had this main value in mind? How could I ensure that his support of me, the child, wouldn't have been out of obligation or making face, or that he would really be there for me if I was in trouble if deep down he had shallow and such self driven interests? Again, I dont hate men who I casually know, but with a lack of a father figure and nothing but (very) bad relationships in my rear view, intimately, this is how I imagine all relationships with men are. As friends or acquaintances they're totally alright, but as soon as they gain romantic or intimate ties, their emotional avoidance and selfish status desires kick in and they become authoritative, childish and fickle. Its very strange- thats why I always keep casual and when I was young and pretty and men gave me the eye: if I indulged it was hell and if I ran I was alone so alone became much less stressful- and now that I gained 40lbs I get no attention so it makes sense. Too stressful. And when I was a size 6 I was still called too fat- now that I weigh more I am told "lose weight, its your fault you're single- if you could just lose weight men would love you"- but that's not true and I dont want men to love me just because I went on a diet. And people are quick to say "well Im sorry you had those experiences, but those were just some bad guys" or when I say "would you rather date a mean woman with a boring personality who was smoking hot or a slightly below average looking woman who was kind, and gentle, and confident, and smart" you get the "well..you know..its like" or the quick "the average one!" Through gritted teeth. Its a no-win from me. So maybe I am a prime example of a girl from a fatherless home. It never bothered me consciously because I never knew any different, but I have never had a positive intimate relationship with a man in my adolescent or adult life either. I would love to one day be proven wrong but with my life experience thus far, its hard to change my belief. It seems silly to. Just like we learn not to put our hands on a hot stove- if someone encouraged you to touch red hot coils at 28 years old because they claimed to have touched it and they were happy as a result, youd say thats a silly belief to foster for the sake of your own safety and happiness and would walk away confused. Except for the fact that deep down you know you have a need to touch those coils for some reason to feel content and safe and to have a family, but your learned and survival instincts over ride that need so you feel cornered and defeated. Like maybe it is just you who cant touch hot stove coils but maybe that's just how it is. What everyone else grasps so easily with so many opportunities, the opportunity to date, fall in love, get married, have a family- when you reach for it it distorts like at the face of a clock in a dream but into something horrible and painful, and if you dont reach with all you've got and bend over backwards, all opportunity disappears and you are invisible. That is how it feels. As a woman its hard because we are taught all women can get men easily and that we somehow have the upper hand because of sex and consent, so there is a lot of shame when you fail as a woman- like on the most basic of levels you are not worthy, and all you can get even if you were worthy is abuse and confusion and disingenuous flirty looks.
 

Thedeliberates

Well-Known Member
#3
My mother knew him for about 2-3 months- she broke up with her 6 year live in BF and he, her ex, took all of her money and my father said he'd let her stay with him. She was frazzled. My father encouraged her to get rid of her stuff like her tv because he had one she could use. He also began harassing her when she left his apartment. She said my father was encouraging her to drink a lot and at some point one night she passed out. She suspects he may have spiked her drink. The next thing she knew he had climaxed and was on top of her. She ended up pregnant and when he found out he tried to run her over with his car and called her a whore. She had some friends move her out of his apartment and she moved back to her home state. My father also had a son at the time my mom knew him. He was about 6 yrs old. My mother said that he had custody of the boy. She heard phone calls with the son and mother where the boy would be on the phone with her and the mother didnt know where he was living and he, my father didnt let her see him. I guess in that state courts favored the father.

That was all I knew. When I was 22 I met my father. He and my mom sat and talked in front of me and everything seemed to check out- not 100% specific but my father apologized a few times and they talked about the situation. He was a drunk living in an rv. He was very odd- he agreed to meet me and then didnt show up, and then called the next day and made up some weird excuse and then he berated me for not coming and checking on him and told me to be more caring ( this was to be the second time we were scheduled to meet up, the day after we first met). He also started yelling and literally screaming at me out of nowhere the next next day about how my mom was a terrible person- I was calm and told him that was not fair to me and he hung up on me and kept texting me and would not call me back. He also claimed to not have known about me and when I confronted him he admitted he did. He also said he wanted me to go with him a few states over to meet his mom. (Again this all happened over the course of 3 days). It got so bad and weird during that time that I told him not to contact me. After that my half brother who i had never spoken to before called me and asked where I was and where I lived. When I met my father a few days prior, I found my half brother and PMed him on Facebook my phone number if he ever wanted to meet. I made something up and then he was like "oh ok. I have to go. Ill call you back" and I never heard from him or my father again. That was almost 6 years ago. I wasn't quite as negative towards men then, so while I was guarded, I wasnt nasty.

During that same year I was date raped, about a month after meeting my father and had a string of weird and dark experiences with men including a weird string of events with my college professor (other than the one instance of date rape, I was not having sex with these men). After that I just shut down. It was like something in me died. It was like a revelation that I had been toyed with..not just that year, but as a trend with the men/boys I had known since middle school. A guy I was just friends with, when I told him what was happening after all this, was like "well..men just like to get a rise sometimes, to feel good about themselves". Most men in my life romantically had a habit of leading me on- smiling warmly at me, telling me Im their favorite person and they love me, not correcting people when they mistaked us for BF and GF, leaving their GFs house early to spend time with me, having deep conversations and looking into my eyes, leaning in close...for months.. but then when I said that I liked them or wanted something more, very timidly, theyd say I had it all wrong (some were single). Even after they had tried to hook up with me when we met and after all that time together flirting...its happened with every guy Ive really liked..like clock work - when my friend said that...about the toying...then and there, all the magic went away. That is when my general anxiety became hopeless depression and it has been there for about 5 years. Now life is drudgery and all I see are the disappointments and the boredom...no more wonder. I am not the kind of woman men love- i am the one they toy with. Either men are flawed or its those other girls who get a happy ending. Im different somehow. Even when I starved myself and cooked and cleaned and was supportive and sweet in the 6 year long term relationship I did have in my late teens and early 20s, even then I was still not enough and was constantly reminded verbally and physically.
 

Thedeliberates

Well-Known Member
#4
I know relationships arent the end all for happiness, but Id at least like the chance to try something healthy or normal. Im not boy crazy- Ive only loved like 5 people in my life. I think you can only do so much to make yourself happy- we need love and family. I just dont understand why I dont have a chance to have that. Every marriage and dating situation isnt miserable and a lot of people have actual mostly functional relationships- but I dont get that choice no matter how much therapy I have or how hard I work or how much I 'do' or 'dont' look for a partner or how much self improvement i do. Im not just on the prowl 100% of the time, im just tired of waiting and getting failed advice. Like "be independent, but not too independent. Show him youre interestted, but not too interested" Im just me and Im told I am cute and very sociable and charming. Ive tried bars, local classes, college, you name it. Im 28...I havent dated in 6 years and that was a very controlling, loveless, abusive relationship. Now that I know how to spot the bad men, and I attract no good men, I cant find anyone. And its not like I have super high standards. I like chubby guys, guys who are nice, average intelligence, hard working, some emotional intelligence. I dont know what I do wrong. ive casually asked men out in public and they are usually already taken and I just smile and say "no problem!". I dont like online dating, but Ive tried everything from POF to eHarmony and I either find people who are looking just for porn sex or men who dont want to talk more than 2 words at a time or its just a ghost town in general. Im at a loss.
 

Thedeliberates

Well-Known Member
#5
so between the bad experiences and lack of good experiences and the therapy and people telling me there is nothing wrong with me no matter how much I petition otherwise...i just assume men like to play games and have control..maybe not with all women but in my world its true
 

Thedeliberates

Well-Known Member
#6
I know there are 2 sides to every story- and while Im a little needy Im not excessively needy. I dont lash out or yell. But I am very moral and I am very honest and frank.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#7
There's nothing really fundamentally different about men and women, as much as society tries to make it so. Most men want out of a relationship the same basic things that most women want - love, understanding, friendship, partnership, support.

I grew up without a father as well. I've never met him - thankfully (long story) - so I also grew up with out any real representations of a good relationship. It's taken time and confidence in myself and what I can offer in a relationship, but I'm in a pretty damn good marriage. It's not the relationship I expected, given what I always thought a relationship was 'supposed' to be. It's the relationship that works for us, two individual people.

There does seem to be a sort of personality type of men who are drawn towards people that they can manipulate. Unfortunately sometimes the same woman can then attract multiple of these men before they can figure out how to drag themselves out of that cycle. This goes the other way too - I've known men who always seem to be a little puppy dog following after women who treat them horribly.

You're not so old as you think. You have years ahead of you to meet people and date and marry if that's what you want. I'm sorry you've had so many poor experiences with men. I understand it's hard to trust after that. But try to trust in yourself, trust that you are worth love. It's not a guarantee that you'll find someone, sadly, but I think it's much more possible than you worry it is.
 

Thedeliberates

Well-Known Member
#8
There's nothing really fundamentally different about men and women, as much as society tries to make it so. Most men want out of a relationship the same basic things that most women want - love, understanding, friendship, partnership, support.

I grew up without a father as well. I've never met him - thankfully (long story) - so I also grew up with out any real representations of a good relationship. It's taken time and confidence in myself and what I can offer in a relationship, but I'm in a pretty damn good marriage. It's not the relationship I expected, given what I always thought a relationship was 'supposed' to be. It's the relationship that works for us, two individual people.

There does seem to be a sort of personality type of men who are drawn towards people that they can manipulate. Unfortunately sometimes the same woman can then attract multiple of these men before they can figure out how to drag themselves out of that cycle. This goes the other way too - I've known men who always seem to be a little puppy dog following after women who treat them horribly.

You're not so old as you think. You have years ahead of you to meet people and date and marry if that's what you want. I'm sorry you've had so many poor experiences with men. I understand it's hard to trust after that. But try to trust in yourself, trust that you are worth love. It's not a guarantee that you'll find someone, sadly, but I think it's much more possible than you worry it is.
Thank you. Its weird having beliefs that stem from specific circumstances, because you can still hold the logical belief from all the day to day experiences youve had and your ideology. On the deepest level I know men and women are both human beings with similar states of consciousness, but just with complimentary traits... But I have cognitive dissonance. Its like one set of beliefs applies to some situations and the other beliefs to other situations...which breaks the laws of every math, science, and social science of validity...its a defense mechanism Im sure as Ive become more emotionally unavailable as a result of my experiences- where as before maybe I lacked boundaries. But Im trying to build healthy coping and integration. I think I still have a lot of anger and indignation- and as childish as it seems- the longer my lifestyle persists, the further ingrained my beliefs get via confirmation bias...even if Im not in any direct relational encounter to fan the flames. Its kind of like a stale disgruntled hopeless rage- not a violent rage, but one covering up feeling helpless.
 

Thedeliberates

Well-Known Member
#9
I do see some forums where men say similar things about women. It never makes me mad because in those moments I empathize & sympathize and I do realize men and women are similar because if some men feel the way I do but towards women, then we cant be THAT different because we are having similar experiences just with people of different genders. I say there are a lot of difficult PEOPLE in the world today, but I notice bad men more because I am focused on them and seek their approval more than I do women.

There's nothing really fundamentally different about men and women, as much as society tries to make it so. Most men want out of a relationship the same basic things that most women want - love, understanding, friendship, partnership, support.

I grew up without a father as well. I've never met him - thankfully (long story) - so I also grew up with out any real representations of a good relationship. It's taken time and confidence in myself and what I can offer in a relationship, but I'm in a pretty damn good marriage. It's not the relationship I expected, given what I always thought a relationship was 'supposed' to be. It's the relationship that works for us, two individual people.

There does seem to be a sort of personality type of men who are drawn towards people that they can manipulate. Unfortunately sometimes the same woman can then attract multiple of these men before they can figure out how to drag themselves out of that cycle. This goes the other way too - I've known men who always seem to be a little puppy dog following after women who treat them horribly.

You're not so old as you think. You have years ahead of you to meet people and date and marry if that's what you want. I'm sorry you've had so many poor experiences with men. I understand it's hard to trust after that. But try to trust in yourself, trust that you are worth love. It's not a guarantee that you'll find someone, sadly, but I think it's much more possible than you worry it is.
 
#10
I'm sorry that you've been through so much

I guess having the experiences that you've had, it would be hard to feel good about relationships.

While romantic relationships are important to many people, you can still have a meaningful life without them.

I think relationships are tough for most people these days. If there's a general reservoir of good will and trust in society, and between men and women, then positive relationships tend to happen easily and naturally. I don't think that's the case these days though.

The message that's coming through the media seems to be that men and women should see themselves as competitors, or as enemies. If the message men get from the media and society is that women are saying "I hate you, your are to blame for everything bad, you are inadequate, I'm not attracted to you, I want to hurt you", then it's not surprising that gender relations are poisoned.

The result may be that nice guys are discouraged from wanting relationships, and what's left are assholes who just want sex, or who want revenge on women.

I'm not saying that this is the way it is universally, but there are some bad trends in gender relations, and they have the potential to snowball.

If you have a lot of resentments, even if they're justified, and a significant portion of potential partners are also bringing resentments, and in an atmosphere where there isn't trust or good will, then it's a big obstacle to finding a good relationship and making it work.

i just assume men like to play games and have control
Relationships work out best when there is compatibility. I would define that as the ability to give your partner what they want and need in a way that doesn't hurt you, or that you like, and also that they are able to do the same thing for you.

Even if you find a partner that you're highly compatible with, there'll still probably be some conflicts. You then have to either work out a compromise, or be willing to make a sacrifice to make the relationship work.

I don't think it's bad for men to want to play a dominant role in romantic relationships, and I think a lot of men do want that. A lot of women like being in relationships where the man is in some way more dominant too. The problem isn't wanting a particular thing, it's more an issue of compatibility. If dominance becomes too extreme, violent, or unwelcome, then it's clearly a problem, but otherwise I think it can be an element in good relationships.

It's also ok for you to want or not want whatever you choose. You'll just have to find a partner that you're compatible with.

I'm not sure what to suggest about trying to find a partner, but there may certainly be some things you can do to be ready for a relationship if one comes along. Dealing with the anger that you have in as positive a way as possible might help; it would be easy just to dump all of that on a partner, which is a recipe for disaster.

Communicating in a non-aggressive way about the things you are unhappy about is supposed to be the best predictor of whether a relationship stays together or not, and this is something that makes sense to me intuitively.

I've heard many women say that men are attracted to confident women. I've never actually heard any men say this though. It seems to me like there are some women who want to promote confidence in women (not necessarily a bad thing), and therefor tell women that men are very attracted to it (deceptive). A lot of gestures, like putting your hand on your hips, that are supposed to project confidence more likely project pushiness and egoism, which I don't think most men find attractive.

In any case, a more important general point is that some of the information that you are getting about men may be bad, and that could be a factor getting in the way.
 

JDot

J to the Dizzle O to the Tizzle
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#11
I've been manipulated and cheated on by every woman I've been with. At this point I've given up on the idea of romantic love. I don't see the point in trying if I'm going to be treated the same each and every time. I think romantic love is just something from fairy tales. I see all my relationships as a waste of my time. And I don't want to waste any more. I believe what we call romantic love is just infatuation.
 

Thedeliberates

Well-Known Member
#12
I'm sorry that you've been through so much

I guess having the experiences that you've had, it would be hard to feel good about relationships.

While romantic relationships are important to many people, you can still have a meaningful life without them.

I think relationships are tough for most people these days. If there's a general reservoir of good will and trust in society, and between men and women, then positive relationships tend to happen easily and naturally. I don't think that's the case these days though.

The message that's coming through the media seems to be that men and women should see themselves as competitors, or as enemies. If the message men get from the media and society is that women are saying "I hate you, your are to blame for everything bad, you are inadequate, I'm not attracted to you, I want to hurt you", then it's not surprising that gender relations are poisoned.

The result may be that nice guys are discouraged from wanting relationships, and what's left are assholes who just want sex, or who want revenge on women.

I'm not saying that this is the way it is universally, but there are some bad trends in gender relations, and they have the potential to snowball.

If you have a lot of resentments, even if they're justified, and a significant portion of potential partners are also bringing resentments, and in an atmosphere where there isn't trust or good will, then it's a big obstacle to finding a good relationship and making it work.



Relationships work out best when there is compatibility. I would define that as the ability to give your partner what they want and need in a way that doesn't hurt you, or that you like, and also that they are able to do the same thing for you.

Even if you find a partner that you're highly compatible with, there'll still probably be some conflicts. You then have to either work out a compromise, or be willing to make a sacrifice to make the relationship work.

I don't think it's bad for men to want to play a dominant role in romantic relationships, and I think a lot of men do want that. A lot of women like being in relationships where the man is in some way more dominant too. The problem isn't wanting a particular thing, it's more an issue of compatibility. If dominance becomes too extreme, violent, or unwelcome, then it's clearly a problem, but otherwise I think it can be an element in good relationships.

It's also ok for you to want or not want whatever you choose. You'll just have to find a partner that you're compatible with.

I'm not sure what to suggest about trying to find a partner, but there may certainly be some things you can do to be ready for a relationship if one comes along. Dealing with the anger that you have in as positive a way as possible might help; it would be easy just to dump all of that on a partner, which is a recipe for disaster.

Communicating in a non-aggressive way about the things you are unhappy about is supposed to be the best predictor of whether a relationship stays together or not, and this is something that makes sense to me intuitively.


I've heard many women say that men are attracted to confident women. I've never actually heard any men say this though. It seems to me like there are some women who want to promote confidence in women (not necessarily a bad thing), and therefor tell women that men are very attracted to it (deceptive). A lot of gestures, like putting your hand on your hips, that are supposed to project confidence more likely project pushiness and egoism, which I don't think most men find attractive.

In any case, a more important general point is that some of the information that you are getting about men may be bad, and that could be a factor getting in the way.
Thank you for your insight. I have seen what youre talking about in the media- like with the MGTOW and feminist movements. It is really sad. Im glad this is a space where men are willing to talk to me about this openly even though I have baggage. The country is divided on so many fronts and crime and and animosity is mounting. I jmag1ine good people, men and women are hiding out- and with the suicide rate, I wonder if good sensitive people are killing themselves off because they can't cope, so there are even less average/ emotionally normal people in the dating pools. This world is so backwards- youre probably spot on.
 

Thedeliberates

Well-Known Member
#13
I've been manipulated and cheated on by every woman I've been with. At this point I've given up on the idea of romantic love. I don't see the point in trying if I'm going to be treated the same each and every time. I think romantic love is just something from fairy tales. I see all my relationships as a waste of my time. And I don't want to waste any more. I believe what we call romantic love is just infatuation.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I dont doubt what youve been though. Its really a sad state of affairs. These types of people, the baddies both men and women, sniff out and destroy good people with genuine intentions. My mom who is in her late 50's says that there were jerks back in the 80s, but it was the exception- not the norm. She is single and lives a simple life. She has tried to date and gets the same thing. She thinks its a compound problem, with each generation morally degrading and the next generation getting substantially worse. Lack of community, trust in society like May71 said, bad economy, over rampant competition, over population, rivalry and misinformation in the media narrative, no community events, solitary work life, social media self branding, dating apps, the hook up culture and endless options, impersonal social interactions, fear..our society is so warped. I think its making everyone either nuts or causing them to give up.

I think in regards to my relationship faults, i try to accrue all the responsibility- 1st because accountability is important, 2nd because society casts the image that everyone has what you wish you had so you must have something wrong with you, and 3rd: if the problem is me and not society then I have the power to fix my circumstances- but despite 1,2,&3- its not working out in my favor.

If you'd like to elaborate on your experiences Id love to hear them- not only to listen, but I really want insight into your experiences with women. I think it would be helpful.
 

Thedeliberates

Well-Known Member
#14
I'm sorry that you've been through so much

I guess having the experiences that you've had, it would be hard to feel good about relationships.

While romantic relationships are important to many people, you can still have a meaningful life without them.

I think relationships are tough for most people these days. If there's a general reservoir of good will and trust in society, and between men and women, then positive relationships tend to happen easily and naturally. I don't think that's the case these days though.

The message that's coming through the media seems to be that men and women should see themselves as competitors, or as enemies. If the message men get from the media and society is that women are saying "I hate you, your are to blame for everything bad, you are inadequate, I'm not attracted to you, I want to hurt you", then it's not surprising that gender relations are poisoned.

The result may be that nice guys are discouraged from wanting relationships, and what's left are assholes who just want sex, or who want revenge on women.

I'm not saying that this is the way it is universally, but there are some bad trends in gender relations, and they have the potential to snowball.

If you have a lot of resentments, even if they're justified, and a significant portion of potential partners are also bringing resentments, and in an atmosphere where there isn't trust or good will, then it's a big obstacle to finding a good relationship and making it work.



Relationships work out best when there is compatibility. I would define that as the ability to give your partner what they want and need in a way that doesn't hurt you, or that you like, and also that they are able to do the same thing for you.

Even if you find a partner that you're highly compatible with, there'll still probably be some conflicts. You then have to either work out a compromise, or be willing to make a sacrifice to make the relationship work.

I don't think it's bad for men to want to play a dominant role in romantic relationships, and I think a lot of men do want that. A lot of women like being in relationships where the man is in some way more dominant too. The problem isn't wanting a particular thing, it's more an issue of compatibility. If dominance becomes too extreme, violent, or unwelcome, then it's clearly a problem, but otherwise I think it can be an element in good relationships.

It's also ok for you to want or not want whatever you choose. You'll just have to find a partner that you're compatible with.

I'm not sure what to suggest about trying to find a partner, but there may certainly be some things you can do to be ready for a relationship if one comes along. Dealing with the anger that you have in as positive a way as possible might help; it would be easy just to dump all of that on a partner, which is a recipe for disaster.

Communicating in a non-aggressive way about the things you are unhappy about is supposed to be the best predictor of whether a relationship stays together or not, and this is something that makes sense to me intuitively.


I've heard many women say that men are attracted to confident women. I've never actually heard any men say this though. It seems to me like there are some women who want to promote confidence in women (not necessarily a bad thing), and therefor tell women that men are very attracted to it (deceptive). A lot of gestures, like putting your hand on your hips, that are supposed to project confidence more likely project pushiness and egoism, which I don't think most men find attractive.

In any case, a more important general point is that some of the information that you are getting about men may be bad, and that could be a factor getting in the way.
i like dominant men, but when it comes from a place of sincerity and confidence...a lot of men I have met are compensating for a fragile ego and that is what I have trouble with. I have read that lack of roles in society and expectation, social responsibility, and an overabundance of lifestyle options with little substance derails men and women, causing them to become insecure and all the self defeating emotional narratives that spawn from that. Id like a man whose dominance, strength, and confidence came from self awareness and consideration. Im not perfect, but that is what I try for in myself.
 

Thedeliberates

Well-Known Member
#15
I meet men I have good chemistry and connection with, but I mistake their fragility for intimacy perhaps....and in the end they do not own up to their feelings and it gets me confused with the mixed signals. Not trying to be egotistic with saying "I KNOW THEY LOVED ME" because of the "maybe he's just not that into you" possibility, which Ive tried to drill into my head in retrospect. But to me it was very obvious but there could be no meeting in the middle, and that is why it is so crazymaking. Mixed messages can be excruciating.

Men, do you have any experiences about the negative trends you see in women? I only really see the other side of the coin and Id be interested to see the other. How has it changed the way you think? What was it like when you were in the crux of these patterns happening for the first few times? I know a lot of men are disillusioned in women and Id like to open the dialogue.
 

JDot

J to the Dizzle O to the Tizzle
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#16
Thank you for sharing your experience. I dont doubt what youve been though. Its really a sad state of affairs. These types of people, the baddies both men and women, sniff out and destroy good people with genuine intentions. My mom who is in her late 50's says that there were jerks back in the 80s, but it was the exception- not the norm. She is single and lives a simple life. She has tried to date and gets the same thing. She thinks its a compound problem, with each generation morally degrading and the next generation getting substantially worse. Lack of community, trust in society like May71 said, bad economy, over rampant competition, over population, rivalry and misinformation in the media narrative, no community events, solitary work life, social media self branding, dating apps, the hook up culture and endless options, impersonal social interactions, fear..our society is so warped. I think its making everyone either nuts or causing them to give up.

I think in regards to my relationship faults, i try to accrue all the responsibility- 1st because accountability is important, 2nd because society casts the image that everyone has what you wish you had so you must have something wrong with you, and 3rd: if the problem is me and not society then I have the power to fix my circumstances- but despite 1,2,&3- its not working out in my favor.

If you'd like to elaborate on your experiences Id love to hear them- not only to listen, but I really want insight into your experiences with women. I think it would be helpful.
I had one relationship in particular that was very painful. I was in a relationship with this girl I worked with. She always tried to make me feel guilty about everything. For instance she got mad at me because it was busy at work one day and I didn't have a lot of time to talk to her. This guy started working there specifically to get with her. She was aware of this and she ended up cheating on me with him. And he got her pregnant. I was in another relationship with a girl for about a year. She wouldn't let me meet her family. She eventually cheated on me and left me suddenly to get engaged with some guy.
 

Thedeliberates

Well-Known Member
#17
I had one relationship in particular that was very painful. I was in a relationship with this girl I worked with. She always tried to make me feel guilty about everything. For instance she got mad at me because it was busy at work one day and I didn't have a lot of time to talk to her. This guy started working there specifically to get with her. She was aware of this and she ended up cheating on me with him. And he got her pregnant. I was in another relationship with a girl for about a year. She wouldn't let me meet her family. She eventually cheated on me and left me suddenly to get engaged with some guy.
Im sorry about that. I dont think its fair that people do stuff like that. From my experience it really hurts when someone you tried to have a relationship was a terrible partner, and then they go off and have a relationship with someone else- either having kids or getting married. But its good to remember that its not like they changed for someone else like the other person was better- they either just found an equally crappy or oblivious person or they are proceeding to make their life miserable only you dont see it because people and couples try to normalize their dysfunction by looking happy. It sounds to me like you dodged some bullets
 
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