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toxic relationships.

drinty

I'd rather be a Cat.
#1
I'm trying to understand alcoholism, my 'ex' is a wonderful person, but also a heavy drinker, sometimes a pain in the arse, sometimes not. Always in the pub after work saying he missed me,(we lived together) always there till closing on a Friday. Hes not going to give up booze for me, so why do I still hope?

I love the non drinker. But the drunk sets off my anxiety, self doubt, blah blah boring....

Why do I blame myself for the relationship not working? Hes moved out, I couldn't deal with the drama.

I didn't make him a drunk.

I feel like I wasn't enough.

He isn't a bad person, he has even asked for help but the drunk sees no wrong in spending all his money and time in the pub.

As a friend it doesn't bother me, I can choose to stay away from that trigger. As a friend we can hang out when no booze or pubs are involved.

But how do I not feel like one day he will change. I need to stop thinking that I reckon or I'll always be thinking it's me.

Just wanted to rant, thanks. But if anyone else has had a toxic relationship and has tips feel free to share.
 
#2
My ex had her fair share of issues, and it took me a while realise she didn't love herself enough to seek any real help, or accept my help, to get her through, so there's no chance that her feelings for me would ever be enough to do that.

You can't force someone to get help, you can offer, and if they don't accept, then you need to get out of there before they drag you down wth them. @brightlight once compared this sort of relationship to being like a burning house, you can only try so many times to help before you end up being the one that gets hurt. Thankful he gave me this piece of advice while I could still walk away from my "burning house" relatively unscathed, I hope you can too.

Take care
 

drinty

I'd rather be a Cat.
#3
My ex had her fair share of issues, and it took me a while realise she didn't love herself enough to seek any real help, or accept my help, to get her through, so there's no chance that her feelings for me would ever be enough to do that.

You can't force someone to get help, you can offer, and if they don't accept, then you need to get out of there before they drag you down wth them. @brightlight once compared this sort of relationship to being like a burning house, you can only try so many times to help before you end up being the one that gets hurt. Thankful he gave me this piece of advice while I could still walk away from my "burning house" relatively unscathed, I hope you can too.

Take care
Are you able to still be friends?
I've walked away from the relationship but it's so tempting to go back, not to help tho, but then that wouldn't fill my needs.
I hear what you're saying and thank you :)
 
#4
Not at the moment no, and I don't really have any interest in that changing unless she gets to the point where she does address her issues, and I'm not holding my breath on that happening.

You're right that you need to put your needs first now, sounds like your lost enough time dealing with his over the years, time to look after yourself.
 

drinty

I'd rather be a Cat.
#5
Not at the moment no, and I don't really have any interest in that changing unless she gets to the point where she does address her issues, and I'm not holding my breath on that happening.

You're right that you need to put your needs first now, sounds like your lost enough time dealing with his over the years, time to look after yourself.
We shall raise our glasses to that spectacles that is hehe.
 

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