Just crossed back over the line onto the bad side. It'd been a nice few days. My head hurts, my eyes hurt, my stomach hurts, my shoulders hurt.... there's just no fuckin' hope. This isn't gonna get any better, it's all just fucking bullshit and fucking self deceit. Nothing's ever gonna fucking change for the better. On the upside, I manage to avoid self-harm for now. I think I strained myself doing it. The same fucking bullshit everyday and I'm not getting any better. Whatever temporary comfort I can find, at the end of the day, the same truths lie beneath it all, the same deficiencies. I'm so fucking tired on every level and I just want to sleep forever.
Uh oh
- Thread starter holdingon
- Start date
- Status
Hi 
You're "holding on" for a reason, right? Something is keeping you here so what is that for you? Sense of purpose or family or friends or job or... ?
You're "holding on" for a reason, right? Something is keeping you here so what is that for you? Sense of purpose or family or friends or job or... ?
I have no sense of purpose, I have no dreams or drive left, I can't have children and even if I could, I'm not financially or mentally stable enough to take that responsibility on. Oh, and I haven't worked in years because my psychological situation has degraded heavily over the last few years, to the point where I don't remember the last time I went outdoors.
I'm "holding on", but not for me at all. I've given up on me. I'm only here for them.
try to keep trying @holdingon things can get better. like you said you had a good couple of days. I have learned to survive my issues but seek out any joy or fulfillment in life. you may never fully recover but you can have a great life none the less. try to concentrate on the positive things and cherish any joy no matter how big or small. feel free to message me anytime...mike...
try to keep trying @holdingon things can get better. like you said you had a good couple of days. I have learned to survive my issues but seek out any joy or fulfillment in life. you may never fully recover but you can have a great life none the less. try to concentrate on the positive things and cherish any joy no matter how big or small. feel free to message me anytime...mike...
Keep holding on, reach out for extra help in real life. some days can get better and you will find that the real dark times pass on and better times are ahead. You may not know us all yet here but we are on your side and are fighting this will you because you are worthy of support no matter what
Last night, I cried myself to sleep with my partner holding me. Got up in the morning, more crying, suicide ideation, a little self-harm, even more crying with my partner holding me, then she went to work and here I am.
I felt convinced today was gonna be the day when I woke up. I feel like that's been averted, but I'll have to be super careful not to get triggered, because I've had my exit plan worked out for about 9 months now and I know exactly what I'm gonna do if it comes to that.
Holding my cat and trying traverse another day of shit with my headphones on and wondering how the hell my life came to be this pathetic mess that it is.... Well, truth is I know how.... I'm just so fucking angry at the people who've done this to me.... and I'm trying SO FUCKING HARD not to attack myself for not being stronger.
On one hand, I want it all to end now, on the other, I want to get through my treatment, come out stronger than I've ever been and throw my happiness in the face of those people who stole my happiness as a child. Well, not that I'll ever see any of them again, and I'm sure a good number of them are dead, but you know what I mean.
On the upside, I got my first full night of sleep in ages, so "Yay", I guess?
Thanks for the encouragement.
Last night, I cried myself to sleep with my partner holding me. Got up in the morning, more crying, suicide ideation, a little self-harm, even more crying with my partner holding me, then she went to work and here I am.
I felt convinced today was gonna be the day when I woke up. I feel like that's been averted, but I'll have to be super careful not to get triggered, because I've had my exit plan worked out for about 9 months now and I know exactly what I'm gonna do if it comes to that.
Holding my cat and trying traverse another day of shit with my headphones on and wondering how the hell my life came to be this pathetic mess that it is.... Well, truth is I know how.... I'm just so fucking angry at the people who've done this to me.... and I'm trying SO FUCKING HARD not to attack myself for not being stronger.
On one hand, I want it all to end now, on the other, I want to get through my treatment, come out stronger than I've ever been and throw my happiness in the face of those people who stole my happiness as a child. Well, not that I'll ever see any of them again, and I'm sure a good number of them are dead, but you know what I mean.
On the upside, I got my first full night of sleep in ages, so "Yay", I guess?
Last night, I cried myself to sleep with my partner holding me. Got up in the morning, more crying, suicide ideation, a little self-harm, even more crying with my partner holding me, then she went to work and here I am.
I felt convinced today was gonna be the day when I woke up. I feel like that's been averted, but I'll have to be super careful not to get triggered, because I've had my exit plan worked out for about 9 months now and I know exactly what I'm gonna do if it comes to that.
Holding my cat and trying traverse another day of shit with my headphones on and wondering how the hell my life came to be this pathetic mess that it is.... Well, truth is I know how.... I'm just so fucking angry at the people who've done this to me.... and I'm trying SO FUCKING HARD not to attack myself for not being stronger.
On one hand, I want it all to end now, on the other, I want to get through my treatment, come out stronger than I've ever been and throw my happiness in the face of those people who stole my happiness as a child. Well, not that I'll ever see any of them again, and I'm sure a good number of them are dead, but you know what I mean.
On the upside, I got my first full night of sleep in ages, so "Yay", I guess?
- Status