Unintentional Victim Blaming??

[sault locks]

Earlier today, I confessed to a friend that I've been suffering abuse from my mother and step father, and I told her specifically about an incident that occurred just last night. I won't go into the details of what happened during said incident, that's a story for another thread, but when I confided in my friend, her response shook me to my core.

She asked me what I did to provoke my step father, and she went on to say that she knows I'm 'sassy' so it wouldn't surprise her if I'd brought the attack upon myself by having an 'attitude'.

I felt disgusted. How could she imply that the abuse I suffered was my fault? I thought the educated world at large had realized victim blaming was not okay, and that abuse is never the victim's fault. I was just looking for support, I'd finally felt comfortable telling someone about my situation, and that's the reaction I get?

I want to believe that maybe it was unintentional, but I can't help but feel I've lost all trust in her. I will never try to talk about my problems with her again, and I feel like this is the beginning of the end of the friendship. I've known her for seven years, and with that one comment, she destroyed my will to associate with her at all. I haven't been able to bring this up with her yet, because I don't feel I'm calm enough to address the issue without getting very angry and turning it into a fight, but at the same time, I don't care if I fight with her anymore.

Am I wrong to be feeling this way? I feel like I might be taking her comments too personally, but when talking about such a personal issue, shouldn't I take the entirety of the conversation to heart?



P.S. No, I did not get 'sassy' and have an 'attitude', in case anyone was wondering.

 

[may71]

She might change her attitude if you explained the situation to her more. I don't think she should have blamed you or jumped to any conclusions though.

www.hotpeachpages.net has a world-wide directory of domestic violence and abuse resources. There might be something there that could help

I'm sorry that you are going through this and I hope that things can get better soon

 

[dtc]

You're absolutely not wrong to feel this way. It would be a shame to lose the friendship over it without at least bring it up with her first, but I think your instinct to wait until some of the emotion you're feeling has gone out of it before talking to her.

One thing you might want to try is writing down what you'd like to say to her about it, doing this will give you time to choose your words to make sure there's no misunderstanding in what you're trying to get across. I find it also makes you think about how you'd answer any things that may be challenge from what you're telling them, which I find is better than having to do it on the fly.

take care

 

[sault locks]

Thanks y'all. She's tried to get a hold of me over several platforms but I haven't responded. Honestly her comments are only digging her hole deeper, because all she's doing is sending memes and not acknowledging the fact that the conversation happened. Not sure if she thinks everything is okay or if she's trying to just play it cool but, I started writing out how I feel about it all and hopefully that will help me sort out my thoughts before I get to talk to her.